Good news is that I will be in Provincetown attending Fantasia Fair three weeks from now.
Bad news is that I have to wait three weeks before I can live authentically again. (By "live authentically," I mean live as the woman I am.)
Bad news is that my vacation is over and its back to work this morning.
Good news is that I have a job at all in this economy.
Bad news is that I don't much like my job. I never had any intention of doing what I am doing. Got into it because the money was much better than what I was making in my previous job (by a multiple of 2).
Turned out, I am very good at my job and as a result, I climbed to the top of the salary structure and now I cannot afford to walk away.
I often wonder if I would feel better about my job if I was able to work as a woman. My employer already gave me the green light to do so. The only thing holding me back is my family. They are not ready (they may never be ready) and I love them too much to lose them by choosing that option.
Truth is that I never asked them about it. I am afraid of their answer. (Once that cat is out of the bag, there is no way to stuff it back in, so I am keeping that bag tightly shut.)
(Damn! This is a depressing piece. The more I write, the more badly I feel.)
Some days I think about packing my car with all my womanly possessions and driving far far away from this life and starting over as a woman.