Friday, April 23, 2010

the letter

Some of my blog readers asked me to post the contents of my coming-out letter and as I promised, the letter is below.

I worked long and hard composing the letter. I put more effort into it than any letter I have written before. I modified it over and over again; in fact, I changed it every time I sent it to somebody new.

As I have written here before, the letter has been very successful so far; it has received nothing but positive and supportive responses.

So, without further ado, here is the current contents of the letter:

Hi -----,

I am a "transgender" person. Simply put, I identify as a woman.

I am not a woman trapped in a man's body, I am a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, and when I have the opportunity, I present as a woman.

True, my container is male, but its contents are 100% female. I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents. I have no plans to have a “sex change” operation.

I might be happier if I could live as a woman full-time, but that is impossible at this time. So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time.

Over the last few years, I have tried to live more authentically, that is, I try to live more of the time as a woman. I am out as a woman in many segments of the world with the exception of the ----- world. Now, I am attempting to introduce my true self into the ----- world.

With that in mind, I plan to attend the ----- conference as a woman. My plan is to travel to the conference as a woman and spend my whole stay in ----- as a woman including staffing the ----- booth, attending the ----- dinner, attending forums that interest me, etc.

I am not a novice at living as a woman. In fact, I have lived as a woman as long as a week on one occasion and many three, four, and five day stints on other occasions. Last summer, I visited NYC as a woman 24/7 for four days and as they say, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere.

And I assure you that I am not an embarrassment. I am successful passing as a woman (see the attached photos).

This e-mail is a heads-up concerning my intentions. I will gladly field all your questions concerning this matter.

Best Wishes,


  1. Wow. Applause and admiration. This is a letter that is polished to a high, hard gloss.

    It is intended for a smart audience too. An audience that does not suffer from many hang ups or social disorders.

    Clearly you have chosen your society carefully over the years. They must be authentic people who will be (on the whole) very happy to better know the authentic you.

    Thanks for sharing. Did I say Wow?

  2. Petra --- Thank you for the "Wow!"

  3. I like the directness of this letter. You anticipate and answer the questions most likely to arise. You come across very confident of yourself, not in a threating way, but reassuringly. Thanks for such a great lesson and example. Got to go with "Wow!" as well.


  4. As a woman, or as a tranny?

    Without a history as a woman, including a girlhood, and a real commitment to womanhood (should we ask your wife?) are you really woman?

    Or just tranny?

  5. Valerie --- A woman.

  6. Staci,

    Your letter is very well-crafted. You obviously put great thought it writing it. You answer all the obvious questions, and I was impressed with your expressed desire to "live more authentically."

    Did you write a letter to all your colleagues attending the conference, or only a few, and how did you decide who to write? I think your thinking, if you choose to provide it, might be helpful to others considering a similar action.

    Good luck at your conference, and your ongoing experiences.


  7. Carol --- Thank you for the kind words.

    I wrote letters to the officers and board of directors of the organization I will represent at the conference. I also wrote letters to my editor and her superiors at another organization that will be at the conference, an organization I write for. About 12 people total.

  8. Beautiful. Confident, unapologetic and intelligent - I love this letter :)

  9. Julia --- Thank you!

  10. This letter exudes the feelings of a true woman!! Well written and to the point! However, I'm concerned about your wife's take on this event. Supportive? Does she feel like she has lost her husband? How is her emotional state? Have you had those woman to woman talks about your future relationship?