This was not a one time occurrence. Rather, it occurs any time I am out en femme.
Reviewing Wednesday evening is a good example of what I do.
As I exited the hotel to drive to the restaurant, a young man was smoking a cigarette outside the exit. As I walked out the door, he gave me the once-over and I began trying to read his mind:
Why are you checking me out? Do I look pretty to you or do I look pretty bad? Am I the first tranny you ever saw? Just in case, I will sashay to my car to try to affirm my womanhood in your eyes.
the maître d’
Entering the restaurant, I encountered a 30-something maître d’. He smiled, welcomed me, and asked to take my coat.
As I removed my coat, I began mind-reading:
Do you think I am a woman or a man in a dress? Are you treating me nicely because you don’t care what I am, as long as I have money to spend or are you treating me nicely because I am an attractive female customer?
After he took my coat, he asked me to wait a second while he checked to see what tables were available and I continued mind-reading:
Are you looking for a table in a dark corner to hide the tranny or are you just looking for a table for one?
Turned out that the table was on the veranda amidst other customers.
After the maître d’ showed me to my table, a pretty 20-something busgirl came to my table to remove the extra place setting. She smiled broadly as she said “Good evening.”
After I returned my “good evening,” I tried to read her mind;
Why are you smiling at me like that? Are you on the verge of laughing at the man in a dress or are you just being very cordial?
Next, a 20-something waiter arrived to take my drink order. He also had a big smile on his face and was very cordial.
Are you on the verge of laughing at me, too? Has the word spread amongst the whole restaurant staff that a tranny customer is in their midst?
the rest of the waitstaff
It seems I had the only male waiter in the restaurant. The other two that I saw were female and were young and pretty to boot. When I caught their eye, they smiled and said, “Hello.”
Are you checking out the tranny, too, or are you just being cordial?
the two women
Two women customers sat opposite me at a table situated 90 degrees to mine. If I looked straight ahead, I looked at them. I did not want to be rude, so I tried looking out the window to my left or into the restaurant on my right, but my vision always reverted back to them and I am sure they were aware of my predicament.
Finally, the younger of the two looked my way, caught my eye, smiled and asked me, “How are you?”
That broke the ice and we three made pleasant small talk for awhile and as I wrote in my previous blog posting, they seemed to accept me as another woman, but that did not stop my mind-reading:
Was my voice too low when I last spoke? Did I give myself away? Did I put some doubts in their mind about my womanhood? Will they kick me out of the “girls’ club” now?
If they had any doubts, they did not indicate it because we continued speaking off and on until they left.
and so it goes
That’s me: always the perfectionist, never satisfied, always worried that my femulation is lacking in some way.
Mind-reading does not prevent me from enjoying my times out en femme, but I wonder if I would find more enjoyment if I did not worry.
On the other hand, maybe my concern about my femulation makes me a better femulator. I want to be the best woman I can be, so perhaps the mind-reading helps me to achieve that goal.