This was a big deal for me. I was raised a Roman Catholic and my religion was the source of much needless guilt about crossdressing throughout my life. I overcame the guilt years ago and now I was entering the church for the first time en femme.
I thought that my visit would be like spitting in the eye of the Church of Rome. "Take that for all the pain and suffering you brought down upon me for so long." Instead of feeling vengeful, I felt wonderful. Your prodigal son has returned, but your son is now your daughter!
I stopped attending church about ten years ago. I began doubting the existence of a God about that time and about a year ago, switched from being an agnostic to an atheist.
“You’re too scientific,” my daughter said upon hearing that news.
I don’t know about being “too” scientific, but I do hold science in a much higher regard than religion.
So, why did I feel “wonderful” when I attended Mass en femme at Saint Pat’s last June?
Do I have some doubts about atheism like I do about religion?
Did I feel spiritual because I was in such a spiritual place?
Was it nostalgia for something that had previously been part of my weekly routine?
Was it simply the thrill of being out en femme in a new venue?