Tuesday, March 17, 2009

ups and downs, highs and lows

I go out en femme once or twice a month; sometimes less often and seldom more often (unless I am attending an en femme event with an extended schedule like Fantasia Fair).

I seldom femulate unless I am going out. Those non-outing femulations occur when I am trying on newly-purchased clothing, putting together outfits for future outings, or dressing for photoshoots.

The bottom line is that in my opinion, I don't femulate a lot (or not as often as I'd like.)

As a result, I look forward to my outings weeks beforehand and when the big day finally comes, I am ecstatic.

When my outing en femme is over, I am initially happy thinking about the outing, but as hours and days pass, I eventually become sad and depressed.

These highs and lows are not good for my mental health.

In theory, if I went out en femme more often, the highs and lows would be less extreme and that would be an improvement for my mental health. And if I was en femme full-time, the highs and lows would be negligible and my mental state would be very healthy.

But due to circumstances related to my marital state, those options are not possible. So, I am stuck on a merry-go-round, going up and down in an infinite loop.

Thank the Goddess for my blog!

This blog allows me to femulate virtually providing an outlet for my feminine nature that would otherwise be pent up by the stranglehold grip of my so-called life as a American male.

And so it goes.


  1. Please, I don't mean to pry, but what is the cause of the lows?

  2. Thank the goddess, indeed! Prior to the advent of blogs and other means of online connectivity, those crests and troughs would be even more fiendishly difficult to navigate. And, I suspect, the very navigation itself would take a greater and more lasting toll.

    Although your en femme outings may not be as frequent as you'd like ( god knows, mine sadly aren't!) I wonder , Staci, if online en femming doesn't nurture our feminine selves in a subtle yet powerfully cumulative manner, making us more adaptable and complete over time.

    Anecdotal evidence?: Even when in boy mode, I'll find myself engaging passersby with some type of feminine presentation (voice, body language, facial expression, etc.) marked by an ease and naturalness I couldn't have imagined previously. At least some of this development I attribute to the bolstering that ongoing online en femming provides.

    Or is it just me?



  3. Sea --- Frustrating my feminine nature is the cause of the lows.

  4. Marissa Nicole --- RE: Anecdotal evidence... me too! I am definitely more touchy-feely than I used to be. In fact, I was the antithesis of touchy-feely in the past.

  5. I hear ya honey - and from personal experience too I can tell you being able to live daily in some form as a woman is awakening. Hang in there!!

  6. Anonymous --- I am not a professional and not qualified to offer such advice. I suggest that you contact True Colors, which is an organization that specializes in helping LGBT youth.

  7. Gaelic Gurl --- I may be ready to be awakened!

  8. Well, me and The Crossdresser's Girlfriend may be the only two GG in the world to say this, but I get depressed when my SO can't "femulate!" Why? Because when she has to be in "boy mode" for any extended period of time, she gets down too (lethargic, stressed-out) and loses much of her sparkling "true" personality. She's a wonderful person however she looks, but I fell in love with her "en femme" and that's the way I prefer to see her.

  9. Anonymous --- That sure is a different perspective on the matter!

  10. Believe it or not, if you femulate often enough, femulating actually gets boring, then you have to lay-off for a while until the urge builds up again. I've found it helps reduce the lows after femulating that I used to experience. Now, sometimes, for a couple days at least, when I go back to being a guy for a bit, it's actually a relief.

  11. Jamiegottagun --- Maybe so, but I would not mind finding out for myself.

  12. What are you complaining about Stacy, all I have is your blog, and mine, and my near-comatose facebook group. I dont even have the financial ability to buy clothes and acessories for 'outings' ..

    Keep up the good work


  13. Shoshana --- Thank you, my long-time friend!