I am home today watching the snow fall on a bleak Zhivagoesque landscape, while my deskjet prints the income tax forms that I will file tomorrow.
I finished doing our taxes this morning (yay!) and wait to begin my next big task (boo!): digging out from the snow storm. In the meantime, I am considering my particular location on the male-to-female transgender continuum.
At one end of the continuum are the gents who put on dresses, light up cigars, and sit around with the other gents in dresses discussing whatever is the news du jour on ESPN.
At the other end of the continuum are post-op transsexuals, who have completed transition and live their lives as the females they were born to be.
In my neck of the woods on the continuum are the femulators, i.e., transwomen, who present fully female in both dress and manner, but have no plans to surgically modify their bodies in order to augment their femulation. Some are full-time 24/7 femulators and some of them identify as no-op transsexuals. Others are part-time (like me) femulating when they can and some of them also identify as no-op transsexuals (not like me).
I believe that if the circumstances were different, I would femulate full-time without surgery, i.e., be a no-op, but I would not identify as transsexual.
Am I in denial about being transsexual?
I have met many transsexuals over the years and all of them admitted that they longed to be female all their lives. And they hated their male bodies. I never had the longing to be female and I am fairly satisfied with my body (my primary dissatisfaction is related to hair, i.e, too much and not enough in all the wrong places.)
On the other hand, I am not atypical male. In my youth, I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.
I also enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I worried what others would think if I followed those girlish activities, so I avoided them.
By the way, I am a heterosexual and never had any inclinations not to be.
All that being said, I believe that I am out on a limb that branches off the male-to-female transgender continuum. I am not sure of the name of that limb*, but it is kind of lonely out here.
And so it snows.
* I had this discussion here a few months ago and I bought into the suggestion that I was a "transgenderist," but after thinking about it, I'm not so sure.