Be There
No, today’s Stuff isn’t about the need for a good bra. Instead, it’s about how we support others and how they support us. Everybody needs support in life—a little reassurance that we’re doing the right thing, or an example to follow.
Have you noticed how women often greet one another? They smile and compliment some aspect of a friend’s appearance. It seems to come naturally to them.
Shouldn’t crossdressers do the same? It would be nice to offer a kind word no matter how we’re dressed. But in guy world, that doesn’t seem to happen much—unless someone comments on the sports team logo on your hat or something similar.
When you’re presenting as a woman, does a switch flip in your head, and do you start trying to emulate the way women interact? I know that when I meet people at our local group meetings, I make a point of complimenting some aspect of their outfit. I might ask where they found those shoes, for example. I’d be curious to know if you do something similar.
Offer Help
Being there to listen when a crossdressing friend is having a hard time is an important way to support others in our community. Of course, that’s true in any situation, not just in the world of femulating. But today, I’ll focus on our particular corner of society.
I’ve been fortunate to make some good friends through our local group. We now spend time together no matter how we’re dressed. We often talk about things going on in our lives and suggest ways to handle particular situations. Sometimes those situations are related to crossdressing; other times, they’re just ordinary life.
Here’s one example. When I was considering getting a new wig, I turned to one of our group members, who has quite a collection and has become something of an expert. She has a whole list of resources about wigs and which styles work best for different face shapes. I wrote about my experience in Stuff #98, if you’re curious. In this case, I was the one who benefited from a friend’s good advice and support.
A different situation came up when a new crossdresser contacted me about attending one of our group’s monthly meetings. I say “new” to describe her level of experience. Although she was in her 30s or older, she hadn’t yet gone out dressed. In fact, she mostly wore leggings and a top at home, without shapewear or a wig.
She asked whether she’d be welcome at our meeting in guy mode or partial girl mode. I assured her she could come however she felt comfortable. In the days leading up to the meeting, we exchanged several emails, and I did my best to ease her jitters.
She did come to the meeting in partial girl mode. We all welcomed her and helped her feel at ease. There was no judgment from us. We all started somewhere, and we know how important those first steps can be.
Just Listen
A big part of offering support is simply listening. Sometimes people just need someone to hear their story. The important thing is not to turn the conversation into your story. Offer advice when asked, but keep the focus on them.
It costs nothing to let someone vent, and it can help them a great deal. I hope you’ll all make an effort to support others in our community.
I’ll Be Back
As always, comments are welcome here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more Stuff, so if there’s something you’d like to read about, please let me know!
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| Wearing Boston Proper |
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| Annette, a femulator from Idaho (circa 1961) |
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