Friday, September 17, 2021

The Ladies’ Room

Gina asked me for my take on using the ladies’ room when we are presenting as ladies.

As I recall, the first time I ever used the ladies’ room was at a venue where my support group was having its annual banquet. For our “convenience,” the venue assigned us our own private restroom. I was having none of that and when I had to go, I used the ladies’ room that all the cisgender ladies were using. 

Entering the ladies’ inner sanctum and mixing with the female civilians was the highlight of that banquet. And ever since then, I have always used the ladies’ rooms and have never looked back.

I feel completely safe using the ladies' rooms in Connecticut. I don't give it a second thought because Connecticut courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies’ room and Stan uses the men’s room.

Actually, I use the ladies’ room wherever I find myself ― Massachusetts, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia ― in locales that do not have Connecticut's diverse restroom policy. Using the restroom in those states is a little daunting, but there is no way I am going to enter the men’s room dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies’ room in those foreign climes.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies’ room as fast as possible so as not to bring any attention to oneself, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies’ room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies’ room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies’ room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately.

Life in the ladies’ room is very different than life in the men’s room. In general, men mind their own business in the men’s room and do not strike up conversations with other men. They do their business, occasionally wash their hands and get out of Dodge ASAP while trying to avoid eye contact with any other men using the facility.

In contrast, ladies often greet other ladies in the ladies’ room and will strike up a conversation at the drop of a hat. I lost count how many times cisgender ladies have struck up a conversation with me by complimenting my shoes, my hair, my dress, the weather, the venue, etc. So be prepared to chat with the other ladies’ using the facilities.

Gina asked, “What sort of attention am I likely to get from other users if I use such facilities and how do I avoid the prospect of being asked to leave the establishment as a result of attracting the wrong kind!”

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that will alert a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian’s daily routine. So if your presentation works out and about, it will also work in the confines of the ladies’ room. And you will not be asked to leave the establishment.

I have never had any issues using ladies’ rooms in restaurants, malls, bars, department stores, universities, highway rest stops, banquet halls, gas stations, colleges, museums, theaters, convention halls, fairgrounds or anywhere else. Nor have I ever heard a negative comment regarding my presence in the holy of holies. Worst case, I might get an odd look, which indicates to me that the looker is not sure whether I am a girl or a boy. 

Family restrooms offer a safe place to do your thing without worrying about causing a commotion, but I still use the ladies’ room even if a family restroom is available. I would rather encounter a woman looking at me oddly in the ladies’ room than a guy looking at me oddly in the family restroom.

Usually, I am not a distraction and I actually enjoy my ladies’ rooms visits! But I dread using the ladies’ room for its intended purpose. The stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

And after you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That’s why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don’t put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on the hook that is usually mounted on the inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Source: Eloquii
Wearing Eloquii

Johnny Downs
Johnny Downs femulating in the 1941 film All American Co-Ed.
You can view this film on YouTube and be sure to check out the stage full of femulators at the beginning of the film.


  1. agree 100% re: your take on the ladies room. Being 6 ft tall I usually aim for an handicap stall so I have some elbow room.


  2. Nicely spelled out, Sweetie. As with most things in life, if you act like you're supposed to be there - walk in with confidence - no one notices. Since that first, VERY tentative, step into the Inner Sanctum, I have not looked back. On a recent visit, as I entered there was a Mom and daughter at the sink. Now, we've all heard that kids are more likely to read us than adults, but this little girl looked up at me, smiled and said "Hi". So remember - When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go, so go with confidence.
    Also, ALL AMERICAN CO-ED has been on my rewatch list for many years. I even own a copy on DVD. But I've never seen a colorized photo.

  3. Well said, as always, Stana. I have been visiting women's restrooms for nearly 30 years without negative effect in at least a half dozen states and half dozen foreign countries (some of which are decidedly unfriendly to t he TG community). Only once do I remember getting the "look" from two teenage girls -- who knows what they thought. I have heard many highly personal things said, and I have held them close as a privilege of womanhood not to be shared. My best experiences have been in fancy hotels and museums, where some of the women's rooms are almost tourist destinations. I have loved being able to use them and see such wonders. I should add that toilets have a cultural element. There really is no reason they can't be designed to be genderless. If anyone doubts it, they should visit some college campuses or even the Victoria and Albert in London that do this well. Men simply need to learn that urinals are unnecessary, but they must always lift the toilet seat to urinate, as kindness to other users is the most important restroom etiquette rule!

    1. I also believe restrooms could be genderless. Stalls could be made more private and the urinal section could be walled off. Think of how the problem of women waiting to use restrooms at stadium would be solved. (Numbskull architects insist of making men and women restrooms the same size)
      There's the mindless argument of "we have always done it this away, why change" same as continuing to use US customary units instead metric units.


    2. Urinals use MUCH less water than toilets. A urinal section could simply be walled off.

    3. Lisa, dear, you can go absolutely anywhere as a lady; lucky you. my experiences are limited but my S.O. tells me the delights of ladies loos in the better hotels, especially when we were trvelling in Asia. She was going to write a good loo guide, mentioning, of course the quality of the soaps and even perfume sprays available.

  4. stana, thank you for your considered and helpful comments. i suppose like anything scary, the thought of doing it is probably a lot worse than the reality (i call that "the abseiling syndrome")

    however: in blighty it seems despite grappling with brexit and coronavirus, the tory government is seemngly still intent on disuading m-to-f trans persons from using the ladies' toilets. some good news though maybe, as the MP who was apparently most vocal about that (and pushing for legislation accordingly) has just been appointed as foreign minister. so hopefully she will focus her efforts elsewhere in future?

  5. Well, Stana and the responding ladies clearly do a better job of passing than I do. But, just like using the changing room to try on my women's clothes, I head into the ladies room just like I belong there. More often than not I don't have any interaction, but when I do it's really interesting. I get read right away and I get complimented on what I'm wearing (I think they're just being nice) or often they think my hair is very nice. Well, my hair really is nice, it's all mine and either I've had it done b a professional or worked very hard on it myself. I'll get questions about how long I've been growing my hair, dressing, where I shop for clothes and especially where I get those big shoes. Lots of ladies don't know Macy's has larger sizes online, they're just not in the stores. I'm totally honest with them and they've made me feel comfortable in the ladies room. They don't have a problem with me and I've had a good experience. At first I'd do a well-disguised "Phew", I got away with it", but now Mikki is just like any lady, when I have to go I have to go and don't give it any more thought than that.

    Thanks, Stana for this great subject. You've really stirred up a spirited conversation. And, yes, going through all those layers of clothing to pee is a pain, but we're ladies and the other ladies go through the same thing. It's just part of "the price" we pay for our beauty (I say with tongue in cheek!).

    Like the time at TACO BELL, when Velma went to go to the LADIES loo. I pushed the single use bathroom door open, I was greeted by a young lady, with her knickers and jeans down to her ankles, 'doing her business'.
    Needless to say, we were both more than a bit shocked --But I said NOTHING-- I quickly closed the door and immediately used the MENS single use door, and after my 'business session', I quickly left the establishment with no more incidents...

    A minor crisis aside, the rest of the comments in the multiple stalls in the Ladies room have been quite complimentary on my style and dress. I replied a demure 'thank you' and kept on moving...

    OTOH, what if the cops decided to become involved?
    Here are two links to two (and others) videos.
    The first one is titled "Shut the F**k Up".
    These videos are good advice for anyone, just to know..
    YOU owe nobody an explanation especially if they are NOT law enforcement. Mall cops are NOT cops!
    Just keep walking.

  7. I pass as a woman no matter what I wear. But if I were to go to a lady's restroom I sure would NOT strike up a conversation as I have a deep voice for a man. So I go to men's restrooms even though I get strange looks until I speak up.
    On Wednesday night I went to choir rehearsal at my church as the only man present in the choir other than the organist. My bass voice part is more than an octave deeper than the alto part. So I really stood out.


  8. Leslie LangfordSeptember 17, 2021

    Ah, yes...the "Inner Sanctum"...a magical place of wonderment and unexpected surprises once one gets over the initial fear of entering where many fear to tread. A place of female bonding and the sharing of secrets where doing one's business is often an afterthought to the socializing. I now understand fully why women often visit the restrooms in public venues either with a friend or their whole posse when the first one announces that she has to go. It's not about the's about the gossip, and totally removed from what happens in the men's restrooms (well, except maybe for the occasional clandestine homosexual hook-up, anyway).

    I have never had an awkward experience in any women's restrooms in my 10+ years of going out in public as "Leslie". If anything, I have had a number of affirming (and sometimes humorous) things happen to me there which I will always treasure. These include:

    1) Standing in line in front of a women's restroom with a number of other cis-women at a theater venue, and when I arrived at the front of the line, I saw a woman frantically waving to me from way back in the restroom with a big smile on her face to indicate an available stall that she had just vacated.

    2) I was sitting in a stall in a shopping mall restroom when I heard a knock on one of the partition walls along with a woman's soft voice asking if I could possibly hand her some toilet paper underneath it as she had just run out. Apparently, this type of thing happens quite frequently in women's restrooms, and no one is taken aback by it. I'm sure that the lady in question was very grateful for the accommodating crossdresser in the next stall beside her at that critical moment, albeit unbeknownst to her.

    3) I was in the women's restroom in a large shopping mall fixing my hair and makeup and minding my own business when a group of teenage girls nearby got the idea that this would be a terrific time and place to take some group selfies. No doubt, I inadvertently photo-bombed some of these...their loss, not mine, once they looked at the results more closely (who was that old crossdresser in the background, anyway??? - LOL!)

    When they say that what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas, the same can certainly be said of the women's restrooms.

    1. Leslie, do you remember the TP scene from Seinfeld? Elaine was in a stall with no paper. The weasel in the next stall refused to help her. Clearly, her next-stall neighbor was not a CD!

  9. Can you spare a square. I think that was what Elaine said

  10. Thanks for this post. I guess using the ladies’ room is one of those things that we get most uptight about, and your post – and those of everyone else – should encourage the rest of us. I’ve been using the inner sanctum for years with no hassles – actually , I’m more comfortable using them that the ones for “standers”. (Let’s face it – some inner sancta are VERY comfortable!). I’ll relate one story: I entered the ladies’ room at an airport before a flight, and here was a lady who’d taken her top off. “Oh I’m sorry, but I’d taken the tag off this top and I’d put it on backwards!” (Be prepared for anything…) But as others have said, it’s great to get compliments on what you are wearing … and to do the same for other ladies.

  11. Never had a problem using the women's have been a bit worried about the entrance but I am over that now go do my stuff maybe check the lipstick and then leave. It is one of the things I enjoy when i am out. But then again I enjoy just getting out with the Sallee Thanks Sallee


  13. I'm enjoying living vicariously through all you ladies who have entered "the inner sanctum"! Just remember, if asked, be kind and spare a square!