Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Quietly Outing Myself

Actions speak louder than words

The only time I deliberately outed myself was when I decided to attend Hamvention as a woman after becoming a “ham radio legend” as a man. As I had at past Hamventions, I would be representing two ham radio organizations (one a national organization, the other an international organization), so I felt that it was necessary to inform the leaders of each organization of my plans.

In retrospect, I should not have been surprised that they accepted the news and were extremely supportive. They had known me for many years and probably assumed that the only thing that would change would be a change of clothes.

At my day job, I showed up at work as a professional woman seven Halloweens (the last five Halloweens consecutively). Each time, I went all out and never appeared as a “man in a dress.”

First time, I assumed that my co-workers gave me the benefit of the doubt for my excellent femulation (his wife probably assisted in his transformation). The second through seventh Halloweens, I assumed that my co-workers suspected that there might be more to it than my wife’s skills. In fact, my wife never assisted in my femulations except to purchase some “girly gifts and to offer me advice (“Your skirts too short!”)

All benefits of doubt were off when post-retirement, I was invited to my former employer’s Christmas party and showed up en femme

I never outed myself to any co-worker except my supervisor, manager and Human Resources and that was just to cover my derriere in case my ham radio world somehow got mixed up with my day job. 

If a co-worker ever asked me what was going on, I would have told them, but no one ever asked. Even the framed photo on my desk of me in office girl drag (photo above) did not move anyone to ask. But I think I did not give my co-workers enough credit – I believe they figured me out, but respected me and did not want to mention (the obvious?).

Post-retirement, I had a girl’s night out with my former supervisor, manager and the CEO’s executive assistant, Jackie. As I mentioned above, I had previously came out to my supervisor and manager, but not to Jackie, who was a big fan of my Halloween femulations. So while we were chatting at the restaurant, I asked Jackie if she knew I was trans and her response was “Of course!”

And so it goes.

Source: Moda Operandi
Wearing Peter Do

Charles Hawtrey and Albert Burton femulating in the 1939 British film Jail Birds.


  1. This coming Halloween will mark my sixth year attending work dressed correctly, if for only one day..

    I've got some of my female co-workers on board to dress for Halloween. One said she'll dress as Edgar Allen Poe (quoting her, "I'll strap these bad boys down.") and a couple others have committed to dressing up. I had suggested that we all dress alike or follow a theme. We’re ironing out the details.

    Then my youngest kid decided that they're going to make my dress. The plan is to make a Heather sized (24) replica of the iconic white Marilyn Monroe dress. We took measurements on Sunday and I provided an already owned dress to use as a template for the top portion.

    Last year, my outfit was fifties themed with a pink "poodle" type kitty cat skirt with matching face mask, lace trimmed bobbie socks & white Keds and a white Vee-necked tee shirt.
    My youngest is designing and sewing the dress and luckily, we wear the same size so they can use it when I'm not.

    Yes, I'm using the pronoun "they" because my youngest.bravely came out as transgender about two years ago. I have mentioned in the past that my ex-wire and 2/3 of my kids are aware of me. It was a bit of a struggle and they were fearful of rejection by the immediate family and their friends but everyone who has been told has been unbelievably supportive.
    My kids are also unbelievably supportive of me. When I went to their house on Sunday, we almost went shopping but we'd all had a rough previous week.and some of us (they) were tired.
    Darned whippersnappers!

    Hope everyone has a great Halloween month, filled with days where we’re able to go out and live our lives as we are most comfortable.

    Much love,

  2. Stana, your comment about telling HR sounds a bit similar to my coming out to one of our Assistant General Counsels (lawyer). Since I remain (largely) in the closet (see my post earlier this week), I was frank in telling him I was outing myself in case someone saw me in a women's restroom, alerted security and all of a sudden I was in the news as a "pervert". I need someone to be able to speak about my gender dysphoria (diagnosed by an expert), and come to my legal defense. It is unfortunate that we live in a world where we need that type of protection. But, I always use the proper restroom for Lisa -- I am thankful no one has reacted negatively so far and made a fuss.

  3. All right! Albert Burton is following her Covid protocols!

  4. My favorite birthday card has a cartoon picture of a man at his office desk. On his desk is a framed picture of a very pretty woman. He's been asked about it by an office mate. "That's me on weekends". Stana, you've actually "lived" that card!!

    1. mikki you have reminded me of a british telly advert from 20 years or so ago, where various people stood by the side of the road to supposedly hitch a lift. but instead of their placards showing places they want to go, they reveal something personal about themselves. and a hulking geezer holds one up saying "i'm mandy at weekends"!

      another example where cross-dressing is acceptable to some degree in blighty, as long as it is an amusing sideshow rather than a serious encroachment into the mainstream. i would be very surprised if there has ever been anything like that shown on american tv?

  5. very very AMAZING .Mark.x

  6. Ever since "I" have become a reality, which happened after my wife died and my two daughters moved from the family home from which I too moved, I've always made sure that the women in my life are aware that the person they know and go out with is more complicated than most men.

    I have a couple of pictures of me in my wallet and there is a very attractive portrait photo with my family pictures on the bookcase. "Who is she," is sometimes asked so I can be open or not as the situation warrants.

    As I live in an apartment, I have to be careful. Two of my neighbours know me and have no problems. Similarly as I try to go out for a walk a few times a week there are several not so close neighbours who know me. Two ladies are always smiling and cheerful and even chat.

    Only two men know me, both introduced by a woman friend-we lunch as a group 5 o 6 times a year, and they only no me, not my alter ego.

    My daughters know, but only through photographs, but neither lives close (both in different countries) So, some social life more than I once could have dreamed of and a slow growth of friends with whom I can do some things, even if it is mainly window shopping trips.


  7. Incredible courage Stana but What helped is you presented yourself as the middle aged woman that you are with style and grace.

    I wonder if you showed up as a sleazy, over the top drag queen if you would be accepted as much?

    I am sure that when we are out and about as seamless as possible we get accepted more willingly as we appear normal.

    I recall being in Target in Hartford and as I looked like a middle aged business woman shopping one evening I was able to pass a lot better I think as I looked normal.

    I made the best of the visit trying on some dresses and shoes and just acting “normal”

    I figured acting normal raises less eye brows and thus I feel safer

    Driving in a rental was more scary in case the cops pulled me over

    I only see one woman at Dayton in high hihi


    1. Actually, I wear HI heels at Hamvention! HI HI