Thursday, December 17, 2020

Passing is not important, but...

Passing is not important to me. However, presenting as a woman is very important to me, whether I pass or not. 

Worrying about passing prevented me from going out as a woman for many years. When I finally realized that passing was not a deal breaker, I so regretted those wasted years. 

Now I relish every opportunity to go out, so needless to say, being cooped up due to the coronavirus is very frustrating. The weekly dress-ups at Femulate Headquarters are getting a little old. Hopefully, things will be better next year.

That being said, yes, passing is not important, but it sure feels good when you do! I can recall many occasions when I got that warm fuzzy feeling because I knew I had just passed and that never gets old.

Like the time shopping in JCPenney when a woman approached me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

I had no idea what she was going to ask (“What time is it?” “Where did you buy your shoes?” “Are you a transvestite?”). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

“You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying.”

Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!

We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, “I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help.”

“Good luck,” I said. Then I took a deep breath and screamed to myself, “Oh, my God!”

Wearing Bebe
Wearing Bebe

Miss Keith – another one of the “Millions” on the Internet
Miss Keith – another one of the “Millions” on the Internet


  1. I love your new headline pic. That dress really suits you.

  2. I think my most memorable "Am I Being Read Moment" came about 12 years ago. I was driving towards a friends home after a full day of shopping and just being out among the great unwashed. She called me and asked if I would pick her up some tampons. Since the choices lined a half a city block, she gave me the exact brand and style to buy. It took a little searching but I found them. A lady in her mid-30s asked my opinion of the brand as she was having a heavy flow. I engaged the conversation and told her truthfully that I had never had any issues with this brand. She took grabbed a box and went about her shopping.

  3. Being about your age, but not anywhere near as gorgeous, I have taken to wearing leggings or some other "woman's" slacks when I go shopping. I have not had any negative responses, but have been called "Sir" quite often.

    I am not worried about passing, but would like to be accepted for my fashion choices.

    So far, so good.

  4. My desire to pass is mostly for safety reasons. Here in the "wilds" of Eastern Washington state, the percentage of near-Neanderthals is high. Being seen as "a guy in a dress" could well be hazardous to my health, which increases the desire to pass. My girl friends have reassured me that I do, usually, which has given me the confidence to step out further and with MORE confidence. As I have said before, being an actor by profession has helped in creating the fully rounded character of Julie - I just have to believe that OTHERS really believe! :)

  5. Stana, you're our fashion consultant and we appreciate that very much. It just makes sense to me that "civilians" might seek your advice, too. And why not? You're meticulous about your appearance and select beautiful clothing to enhance your presentation whenever you go out. I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.

    That being said, we all want acceptance and appreciation. You must have been so pumped!

  6. I have been asked for fashion advice by ladies a number of times while femulating--the experience is a total ego rush.
    BTW, look closely at the print behind Miss Keith. Ouch!

  7. Stana, Like you, I wish I hadn't wasted so much time hiding from the world because I felt I didn't pass. But at the same time, I get the whole needing to pass thing. Like Julie says, passing is important to stay safe when you live somewhere with a lot close minded views.

    I was never really free until I stopped worrying that someone might realize I was born male. Notice I didn't say pass, because even though it's obvious I wasn't born female, I'm pretty sure I pass. My definition of passing is that I am accepted for the gender I am portraying, despite the fact I was born into that gender.



  8. had the same experience in both Penney's and Macy's and it is a wonderful feeling. I also ascribe to your view re: dressing as you like even though most of society considers it to be dressing emily