Thursday, June 27, 2019

The Real Perils of Going Out En Femme

One evening out en femme before I was out at work, I had a close encounter with a co-worker, who I feared might out me at my workplace if she figured out who I was en femme.

Being outed at work is a real peril of going out en femme. It could result in the loss of your job and could negatively effect any future employment. However, there are worse real perils of going out en femme... like the loss of your life.

Years ago, a bunch of girls decided to go to a gay bar after the conclusion of our support group meeting. I had never been, so I agreed to go to see what it was like.

As it turned out, I didn't like it. Smoky, dim-lit bars are not my cup of tea, so I had one drink and hung around just long enough so that my clothes and wig stunk from the cigarette smoke.

The bar was not in the best neighborhood. The streets were not well lit and my car was parked a long block away. As I left the bar, another patron exited after me, followed me and began accosting me. He thought I was one of the girls performing in the bar's drag show and he wanted a "date."

I was very scared. I ignored him and walked to my car as fast as possible. (In retrospect, I should have returned to the bar and asked for an escort to my car.)

He finally gave up pursuit, I assumed because I would pay him no mind. I escaped unharmed, although very unnerved, but others have not been so lucky. There are a lot of girls who have turned up dead after being in similar situations.

Although it is wonderful to go out and be your authentic self, you have to keep your wits about you. Be very alert of your surroundings and of the people surrounding you.

And so go safely into the night.

Source: Intermix
Wearing Caroline Constas dress and Cesta bag (Source: Intermix)

Contestant in the 2019 Miss Engineering womanless beauty pageant
Contestant in the 2019 Miss Engineering womanless beauty pageant


  1. I agree - safety first. And it doesn't have to be in some unknown part of town. Here's my blog entry concerning MY close call, just 2 blocks from home.

  2. AnonymousJune 27, 2019

    I get waaaaay more unsolicited compliments from multitudes of women than the one 'cat calling' from a huge drawling redneck last August during 'our cities' Pride Week. Nonetheless, it pays to 'size up' any situation you might happen to be walking into. I am sure cis women practice such techniques all the time. I do practice 'techniques of avoidance' such as delaying my crossing traffic lanes bordering store front to avoid any direct eye contact- and perhaps a negative confrontation- with drivers in oncoming cars. I wait to cross until after the car passes.

    An interesting corollary to this whole 'going enfemme in public' is somehow I have experienced life virtually anxiety and 'panic attack' free! Go figure!
    OTOH, I do carry PEPPER SPRAY in my purse at all times.

  3. Sadly, the same advice is necessary for those of us who were born biological females. It's dangerous to be female.

  4. When I was a kid I went into what my dad called "Dangerous 'N....r' town". Not that he was right, but it made me more cognizant of my surroundings. When I started going out as Mikki, I think that attitude helped me a great deal. In the club watching a Drag show, I was hit on several times. I felt I was treated as a sort of second class citizen in the club, and that made me realize I was vulnerable as Mikki, unlike Mike. After that I made sure I was parked close to whatever venue I was attending. I even used some pay parking lots if I saw I'd have to walk more than 2 blocks -- something cheap-ass Mike would never do.

    I was harassed a couple times early on, but talked my way out of it both times -- one time involved pulling my wig off and being Mike. After those episodes I started leaving with others or asking for someone to walk with me to my car. Things are just different for women, and when we're women we need to understand that and take appropriate measures. Don't be scared, just alert and careful.