Monday, October 13, 2008

forced "man" dressing

My personality tends to be more female than male without even trying!

During the first half of my life (so far), my peers perceived me as a "sissy." This is not just an assumption on my part; I was told to my face many times that I was a "sissy" or the equivalent.

I did not go out of my way to be a sissy, rather I was just acting naturally. My personality directed me to do things a certain way. The problem was that that way sometimes did not meet the expectations of how a "man" would do things.

When I realized that something was amiss, I began forcing myself to do things the way a "man" does things in order to be accepted as a "man" in society and not be shunned as being effeminate.

Often, I felt uncomfortable when I forced myself to be a "man." As time passed, I learned that being accepted in society as a "man" was not worth the effort. So as I grew older and wiser, I forced myself less often and let my personality act naturally more often.

I also began crossdressing more publicly at that time in my life* and my open crossdressing went hand-in-hand with my decision to stop forcing myself to act like a "man."

I enjoyed dressing as a woman and my normal personality did not conflict with the way I dressed, i.e., I was not a "man in a dress." Again, this is not an assumption on my part; I have been told more than once that when I crossdress, my personality is a natural fit for the way I am dressed.

I realized that the natural way for me was often the the feminine way, but so what? Why was I forcing myself to be something that I was not? So, I stopped acting like a "man" and instead, acted like "me."

So, why don't I drop the other shoe, i.e., why do I still force myself to appear as a man most days of the week? I stopped acting like a "man" long ago and have been acting like "me" ever since, so why don't I stop dressing like a "man" and begin dressing like "me"?

That is the question.

* FYI, I began crossdressing regularly in my early teens, but I had a keen interest in crossdressing much earlier and probably crossdressed for the first time when I was about 8 years old. I crossdressed in public (Halloween) for the first time in my late teens and I crossdressed in public (not Halloween) for the first time in my mid-30s.

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