Yes. Often they can guess, but they usually do not care nearly as much as the customer imagines.
Female sales associates, especially in womenswear, tend to notice patterns: a man buying items that match his own approximate size, asking detailed questions about fit, fabrics, returns, hosiery, shapewear, shoes or trying to sound casual while being visibly nervous. They may also recognize the classic “it’s for my wife/girlfriend” cover story when the buyer does not know her size, style or preferences.
But “can tell” is not the same as “will judge.” Most sales associates have seen it before. To them, it is usually just another sale and many would rather help a polite, serious customer than deal with a rude or messy one.
The most reliable giveaway is nervousness, not the clothing itself. A calm male customer buying a dress is less conspicuous than a panicky male customer buying “a dress for someone who is, uh, about my size.”
The best approach is simple confidence. “I’m shopping for myself. I’m looking for something in a size 16, preferably a wrap dress or something with some stretch.”
I never used the old “I’m buying this for my wife” excuse. I do admit to using the Halloween costume excuse, but I quickly abandoned that because it limited my shopping to the four to six weeks before October 31.
Once I fessed up and said I was shopping for myself, the whole experience changed. It was more honest, more productive, and frankly more fun especially watching the saleswoman’s initial reaction as she recalibrated from “confused male customer” to “oh, we’re really doing this.” After that first moment, most went right into professional mode and helped me find what I wanted.
That saves everyone the little performance. A good sales associate will usually switch right into professional mode: size, fit, color, occasion, dressing room, accessories. In fact, many appreciate the honesty because it lets them actually help.
So yes, some can tell. But the bigger truth is: they have probably already helped men buying women’s clothing before and you are not the shocking event you may feel like you are.
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| Wearing Shein |
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| Bob L. Harris femulating in a 1953 television broadcast of Calamity Jane. |
Once upon a time I sold women shoes at the mall. Every Halloween the female impersonators had a big party downtown Chicago. We specialize in large sizes so many shopped there. Some sales people didn’t want to wait on them. I worked on commission. Polite and Professional to all some brought 2 and 3 pairs. I was not judgmental. Money made bottom line
ReplyDeleteYears ago, my daughter worked at Victoria's Secret and ran into many of her associates who refused to wait on male customers.
DeleteMy daughter gladly did and took all the commission she could get!
I went to buy a gold cocktail dress. Young assistant asked if it was for my wife.i said no actually it was for me. I felt very guilty for how flustered she was.
ReplyDeletein my experience I believe the saleswoman always knows. even when i shop fully enfemme with my mother-in-law i‘ve felt that intrigue in the assistant to the extent that a few have appeared/offerred to assist in the changing room itself. i often wonder how many saleswoman are interested in crossdressers & to what extent their interest would take them ?
ReplyDeleteyour MIL must be a precious gem.
DeleteWhen I shop en femme the cat(woman) is already out of the bag (closet), so that's how I prefer to shop. If shopping en male, it saves time to already have your foundation wear on underneath, without it you won't know if the outfits you try on really fit or not. Dressed as a male I don't want to be showing large boobs, so I carry a shopping bag containing my breast forms and heels. If it's summer and I can't hide my bra under a jacket, the bra also goes in the bag. I put the forms in before I put the dress on in the changing room, and then to make sure everything comes together, wearing heels with the outfits you try on is essential. In all the many times I've shopped for pretty dresses, I only had one problem one time, where the two sales women (who probably owned the small dress shop) were positively hostile and said they don't want our kind in their store. In every other case I was treated like a valued customer. In many cases the sales women were positively delighted to help me, bringing me outfit after outfit to try on, helping to zip me up, encouraging me to come out into the store, to see myself in the three way mirrors, saying things like "don't worry, honey, it's just us girls in here," "oh, you look so darling and feminine in that dress," wearing women's clothing really suits you," "I would die to have gorgeous legs like yours," "you should wear dresses and heels all the time, you just look perfect dressed like this." They were most likely just flattering me to make a sale, just like they would with any female customer, but I relished hearing the support. Often they asked me to come back when I was fully made up and dressed, or bring them photos of me in the outfit and made up. So in short, many sales women really do seem to enjoy seeing males beautified.
ReplyDeleteYes, Working at a lingerie store for three years, I could always tell.
ReplyDeleteI haven't shopped in person for years, but when I did, I went to venues friendly to us which were usually resale boutiques. When I wanted to go I called ahead of time and asked if it was a good time to come in because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I had very pleasant experiences.
ReplyDeletemmm that’s interesting…..never experienced a sales woman asking for a photo….have been ‘chatted up’ on a couple of occasions & wished I’d gone back later …….😉
ReplyDeleteMy attitude when Julie is shopping - I belong there, I enjoy being there, I want to have a good time, they want my money!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to me how much embarassment and/or uncomfortableness disappears when you're confident in who you are. Maybe that's just my theatrical training - the actor must believe they are the character they're portraying. Anyway, I refuse to let someone's hang ups affect my enjoyment of shopping.
I have shopped often in guy mode, once in JCPenney I saw a skirt I liked so I took it up to the check out. The lady clerk took my card and was bagging the skirt said, oh, you will look good in this. I just said, I hope so, as long as it doesn't make my backside look big.
ReplyDeleteLee
When I first started to shop for women's clothing, whether it was lingerie, dresses, shoes, etc. and was engaged by a saleswoman I was always clumsy and flustered as one would expect but then I became bolder and more confident in those situations when I was asked about sizing I would reply, "Well, imagine that she is exactly my size." That response typically let the air out of the room, pulled back the curtains and paved the way for the rest of the shopping experience which, for the most part were very enjoyable!!
ReplyDeleteDo they know? I don't know, but here are some anecdotes from my experience:
ReplyDelete* 1997 maybe - I was at a mall in a far-away town from my home. I was in a small women's clothing store in the mall. I spoke to an employee about some clothes on a display. She answered me and moved on. I kept shopping. I VERY nervously asked her, "Do you let men try on clothes here?" She immediately said, "Yes, do you want me to start a dressing room for you?" She took me to a dressing room. She and another employee started bringing me different sizes and other things to try on. I think I opened the door for them to see me. I do not know if the employee knew I was shopping for myself. She gave no hint. When she said that I could try on clothes, it did not look like she was surprised, nor did it look like she expected it. I just shared this because it was such a special memory.
* ~2000 - The first time I ever wore nude pantyhose under shorts in actual public, I went to a department store. I walked among the racks in order to hide. I eventually visited the hosiery section. In those days, the sections were rather large, and there was an employee who worked the section. She started helping me. She asked me questions about sizing. Eventually, I said they were for me. She rolled with it and asked follow-up questions, like, "Do you play football?" because she had heard that some players wear pantyhose under their uniform. This woman did not expect that they were for me. Then, she did not expect that I wanted them for crossdressing purposes. She never noticed that I was wearing some until I mentioned that I was.
* Maybe around 1998 - I was shopping in the lingerie section in a department store in the mall. I think that I was buying a slip. The woman at the cash register asked me, "Is this for someone else?" One of my core values is to not lie. I was SHOCKED that she would ask that. I paused and then responded, "No." It was humiliating for me. There were people in line behind me. It turns out that it was humiliating for her as well. She explained why she asked. She thought that I was probably shopping with a woman who was nearby.
* Early 2000's, maybe - I was at a Payless shoe store. I bought some casual flats that were somewhat androgynous. The cashier informed me that they were ladies' shoes. I told her, "I know."
* 2010 - I was in a consignment store. I was holding a dress on a hanger and a skirt. The store owner walked past me and said at a low volume, "You can try that on." I responded, "I already did." Earlier, in this same store, when I was waiting for a person to exit the only dressing room, another customer asked me, "Are you waiting to try that on?" I said, "Yes," and she got in line behind me.
* 2016 - I was shopping in a small, family owned store that was far from my home. There were two women in their 50's working in the store. One of the ladies asked if she could help me. I told her that I was shopping for myself. The other woman got involved. I bought a skirt and a top from them. I got some shoes from my car and modeled the outfit for them, to their amazement. During this visit to the store, I asked them, "Do other men shop here?" They said, "Yes, not for themselves." Then, they told me about a man who was shopping there earlier that day. He had a list of things for his wife. I asked them if the clothes would have fit him. They said, "Yes." Then, it dawned on them that he might have also been a crossdresser. I recommended, "If he comes back with another list, ask him if he would like to try the clothes on. These women were new to crossdressers, but not judgmental against them, apparently.
Whenever I go shopping while dressed pretty, though, they always seem to think that I am shopping for myself...
Joey