Sunday, October 17, 2021

Where I'm Not

Fantasia Fair, October 2008
I began crossdressing in my teens in the 1960s. Home alone, I dressed, but I was strictly closeted and even missed an opportunity to Halloween crossdress when I refused my best friend’s invitation to be girls for the night.

I continued crossdressing as a 20-something throughout the 1970s. I was still closeted, but got up the nerve to Halloween crossdress on three occasions (and had the time of my life doing so).

Along came the November 1980 issue of Playboy containing an article about Fantasia Fair. The article was intended to be a humorous piece, often at the expense of the folks attending the Fair. Put that aside, I had never heard of Fantasia Fair and the article provided a trans public service by revealing the Fair to me (and to probably hundreds of other girls like me across the USA).

What a dream! And the Fair was on Cape Cod – an easy four-hour drive, so maybe I could attend and live as a woman for a week. But...

👩 It was expensive and I was only making $10,000 per year. 

👩 I was still mostly dressing out of my mother’s closet, so I didn’t have anything close to having a wardrobe for a week (and Mom was not likely to let me borrow hers).

👩 I was scared. Except for a handful of Halloween crossdressings, I had never been out among the civilians and I was ill-prepared to spend a week en femme among the population of Provincetown.

So I did not go. 

Attending Fantasia Fair remained a dream for over a quarter of a century until I finally attended in 2008 (and again in 2010, 2012 and 2014). During the ensuing 25 years, I joined a support group, attended long weekend trans conventions and went out solo en femme among the civilians, so the population of Cape Cod was no longer something to fear. 

I had a fabulous time each time I attended Fantasia Fair. Living 24/7 as a woman was initially thrilling and then became routine, but in a good way. I attended informative workshops, dined on fabulous food, enjoyed beautiful Provincetown and made a lot of friends.

The Fair is this week and I will not be attending, but I have my memories and they are all good.

Source: Madeleine
Wearing Madeleine

Bryce Anderson
Bryce Anderson, model


    Before the days of the internet, finding out information about your 'quirky, private, undisclosed self' with out risking the embarrassment of 'outing yourself' at the local or university library was risky...
    Often, the service staff at the local library were more in the 'censorship business' than the 'information business' as they were the final arbiter of which books were purchased and more importantly, which books were not.
    Even the 'local uptown newsstand' a source of 'hidden, forbidden information' was closely regulated by the local 'purity league'.
    Our local town was regulated by a judges decree against the word 'fetish' being displayed on front pages of 'dirty magazines'.
    You could also expect the local 'psych therapy' folks for not having any inkling as to what you were dealing with.
    This was also a point of derision at our 'local support group' as to the dubious value of those 'therapists' holding M.S.W degrees which are usually the only therapists (inexpensive read: cheap claims..) that the insurance company would support financially-- for at least a few visits..

    I happened to find out that 'I was not the only person' who had 'this predilection' by stumbling upon another writer with similar issues wrote in "Letters to Penthouse".


    1. There probably was transvestite literature in the local porn shops, but I did not frequent such establishments, so I dunno for sure. But I sure do remember seeing Drag magazine on the newsstands in New York City circa 1970. I also remember the newsstand salesman giving me a dirty look when I bought a copy! LOL

  2. very very well done for talking about,CrossDressing.will help lot others .VERY AMAZING LADY,Mark.x