Saturday, October 30, 2021

whatever works (still works)

I originally posted this in November 2009.

There is a joke that has been around the transgender community for awhile that goes like this:

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

Three years.

The joke implies that when someone realizes that he or she is a crossdresser, it takes three years to realize that he or she is a transsexual.

There is some truth to that joke. I have witnessed many folks come out as crossdressers, only to come out as transsexuals three or so years later.

But, sometimes it takes longer.

After crossdressing for over four decades, I recently came to the realization that I am a woman.

I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body, I am really a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, I act as a woman, I speak as a woman and whenever the opportunity arises, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances, I am the most womanly male they know and that’s because I really am a woman.

True, my container is male (more or less), but its contents are 100% female.

I am very averse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents.

I am very happy being a woman and very glad that I am not a “man.” I might be happier if I could present as a woman all of the time, but I have made choices in my life that make that impossible. So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time.

Whatever works.

Wearing Jonathan Simkhai

Richard E. Grant
Richard E. Grant en femme in the British film Everybody’s Talking About Jamie.


  1. You should all see the movie "Everybody's Talking About Jamie". Even though it's ostensibly about drag-queens it is a) very entertaining and b) has plenty of relevance to our way of life and sociological circumstances.

    1. i shall pass on that thanks, as going by the below pic it might as well be called "clowns in gowns - the movie":

  2. Quite a revelation - I live in much the same space and OK there as well. Understanding oneself is critical to our existence.

  3. I do understand myself - a cross dresser for well over 45 years. And I think I understand myself better than someone who only knows me from social media. Which is why it burns my bisquits whenever a "well meaning sister" tries to convince me I am not being true to myself - that I am denying what I am, by refusing to admit that I need to go through transition. I KNOW what I am - and I'm very happy with it.
    Sorry for the rant, but this issue has been a hot button topic for me for quite a while. I have been burned by enough "ladies" over the years that I tend to get defensive about this. Why can't our community let people be who they are, and not who we THINK they SHOULD be?

  4. I am sooo glad I found this blog. It’s been so much help for me. Just like this post.
    Stana, thank you very much for taking the time to be so committed to this. This post is exactly how I feel.

  5. We know God says it's a sin to dress sensually attractive , such as high heels and sexy dresses which have no practical purpose on earth but mainly for sin . Being that I was affected by mom taking DES and I'm sure I have the SRY gene so I still keep my feminine dressing to a bare minimum .Really we should be only interested in basic clothing to protect us from the elements so as not to sin . So yes I have natural born Transwoman desires but keep them constricted under control , closted to live Holy .

    1. Dear sister Stana ,
      You said -" but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time. " Well , I completely Know and Feel you're saying .

  6. Absurd crap! The world is full of people who consider themselves Napoleon. Are they telling the truth? Not! In doubt, do a DNA test and see your chromosome composition. The fact that you feel better in the female version is your choice. you have the right to it. But don't violate the truth!

  7. Have you ever kissed sincerely a man with passion? If you do that, tou will really feel like a woman. love you, Mayte

    1. How many lesbians have ever "kissed sincerely a man with passion"?? Are they NOT women????

  8. Dearest Stana ,
    I kept and loved it , when you said but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time.