Wednesday, September 2, 2020

I Stopped Pretending to be a Woman

Over the years, many genetic woman have complimented me on my taste in clothing, how well I put outfits together, do my makeup, my hair, my nails, etc. I am definitely not a dude in a dress, a guy in a gown, nor a fellow in a frock. Despite my size, I often pass as an attractive statuesque woman. And I am very proud of that achievement.

From years of experience, I have learned that my natural speech and mannerisms are such that when I am in male mode, strangers sometimes take me for a feminine gay man. As a result, my natural speech and mannerisms suit me well when I am en femme.

I bought books and tapes to learn how to speak as a woman, followed the advice they offered, practiced, practiced, and practiced some more. Eventually I achieved a very feminine voice, but whenever I used that voice in public, I felt that voice was not the real me. So I abandoned the fake voice and used my normal voice.

While attending Fantasia Fair in Provincetown a few years ago, I was chatting with two trans-women I had just met that day. We were discussing passing techniques and during our discussion, I mentioned how I always worried that my voice would give me away. They replied that my voice was perfect. And then they added that when they first saw me, they thought I was the genetic female spouse of some other attendee!

Being able to pass among your peers is perhaps the ultimate achievement. (If you can pass at Fantasia Fair, you can pass anywhere.) So passing is something I no longer worry about. If I pass and strangers think I am a woman, so be it. If I don't pass and strangers think I am a man dressed as a woman, that is OK, too; I won't deny it.

I stopped pretending that I am a woman because I don't have to pretend. I am a woman in many ways, probably in more ways than I know.

Unlike the classic transsexual model, I never felt I was a woman trapped in a man's body. Instead, I passed through the world in such a feminine manner that the woman in me never felt trapped. Instead, she was out there whether she was en homme or en femme.

And during those times when she was out there en femme, she blossomed and became whole. That explains why I so enjoy being en femme because then I am whole.

Source: Nine West
Wearing Nine West sandals.
I don’t like headless model fashion photos, but I love the outfit that this model is wearing,
not to mention that she is using the same computer that I am using to write this post!

Steve Buscemi
Steve Buscemi (center) femulating in the 1994 film Somebody to Love.


  1. en femme..... the absolute best

  2. When I see your pictures here and the taste with which you dress I have absolutely no doubts that you are a woman through and through.

  3. The whole 'voice issue' is a toughie. No matter what 'we' do, we do not actually hear ourselves as we sound, due to the phenomenon of hearing through 'bone conduction'.

    1. I used a tape or digital recorder in the past.

  4. I like how you’ve summed up how I feel. It’s a very comfortable place to be, being happy with who you are.

  5. Forget the nine West sandals, I am more intrigued by the turned over hem corner of the dress. ��

  6. Stana, Your thoughts on "passing" expressed so much how I (and I hope others) feel. Angela has nailed it - being happy with who you are is wonderful.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.