Wednesday, April 24, 2019

On the Fence

At my law school reunion, June 2012
At my law school reunion, June 2012
I have received lots of advice about attending my high school reunion as a woman or not.

The advice is running about 4:1 in favor of going as a woman. Some of you changed your opinion from "no go" to "go" when I mentioned in my second post that my wife was not attending, so I counted you in the "go" column.

Some of your comments follow.
When faced with the opportunity to go to her reunion as a woman, Trish decided, "...that since I haven't transitioned, it would be misleading to go to my reunion presenting as female --- although some of my classmates do know I'm transgender."
For what it's worth, I have almost no contact with my classmates and I am 100% confident that none of them know I am trans.
Katherine wrote, "Other than 'throwing our traniness in their face and in the face of others' what would be accomplished by your attending en femme? You go out in public and are accepted anytime you want to. I think it would be best for 'them' [my family] for you to attend as Stan and continue to be the understanding, compassionate family man that you are and that you write about."
Joe was a "go":
Look at you! You're Beautiful! A 50 year reunion, means you must be around 67 years old [I'm 68]? You look amazing for a woman of your age! I think it would be a crime not to share yourself with your old classmates.
In a similar vein, Faith wrote:
You should just go! Be you. Be out and be proud. A while back on pride, I posted to social media: To all the bullies who used to harass me and beat me up and call me gay, well, you were right. But you were still assholes!
I have seen recent photos of some of my classmates — the girls who would not consider dating me under any circumstances and the guys who bullied me because I was not a manly man. To put it nicely as possible, they are not as well-preserved as I am and I would love to see their jaws drop when they realize I am the "beautiful" stranger attending their reunion.
Stacey wrote, "My wise friend told me that no matter what you do/what you are for that you will always have someone against it and that as long as what you do/what you are for doesn't hurt anyone then who cares what they think or say."
I have not decided whether to go to the reunion as a woman or as Stan. I have over six weeks to decide and knowing me, I will make up my mind at the last minute.

Anyway, I won't bore you with this anymore, but I will let you know when I make up my mind. Again, thank you all for your input.

Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Lee Ingleby
Lee Ingleby femulating in British television's Fairy Tales.


  1. Ok Stana, here’s some wisdom from a fellow hobbyist... I graduated from an all boys Catholic high school in Wilmington, DE in 1968. In a recent reunion class list was Michelle Phillips. I knew what that meant. But no one in our HUGE class of 248 kids gave a flying fish. We were all cool with it At some point we all realize that time is short. Gotta be you FOR YOU. Watch the movie Tin Cup. The game was lost. No one would care about the score afterwards... But, ahh, the finesse.... Be fearless, Sweetie. You GOT it!!! “M” in Wilmington—just south of Gotham City ��

  2. I cannot remember a time when you and your blog have "bored" me! I would bet that most of the readers who stop by daily share my feelings in this issue.

    Stana, thank you for all you do for our community and your local community too! You are an inspiration and I feel you're a (wo)mentor.


  3. It seems that Stan was rejected by girls and harassed by boys. I think the old saw, "Looking good is the best revenge", works here. I'm with you whichever choice you make, but I'm hoping Stana shows up in a knockout dress! Show some leg, display some decolletage. Leave no prisoners!

    ps. I'll be happy to drive up from Baltimore to be Stana's escort! Ha!

    pps. On the decolletage display, maybe you'll get to use the,"Hey, my eyes are up here!", line. How cool would that be?

  4. if there is another school reunion for my year (we've had three already!), then i might ask whoever organises it if i could appear performing en femme without letting anyone else know beforehand (to my knowledge, no one from my year is aware of my trans leanings).

    i did something similar when a mature student at university about 20 years ago: i appeared in a student union lunchtime gig singing to my own disco/house arrangement of "evergreen" before promptly disappearing again, and then turning up at the first lecture of the afternoon in mufti as if nothing unusual had happened (i had actually come out by then, but not to anyone at uni other than the staff member that ran the gig - i used his office to get changed in ha ha).

    of course most who witnessed the event realised it was a geezer in drag, but i think the vast majority had no idea it was me. however a few did twig, and actually gave me some compliments as a result later that day. and after that i think i gained a whole new level of respect from both fellow students and staff. which in turn gave me the confidence to write and present several revue shows featuring my drag persona (with assistance from some of my fellow students), both during and after uni!