Friday, July 10, 2015

This is me and me is she

There is a difference between being a woman and wanting to be a woman.

There are cisgender males who are women. We call them "transsexuals." Then there are cisgender males who want to be women. They are wannabes and we call them "crossdressers."

I believe I am a woman. All signs point in that direction, but there is always a little doubt in my mind.

I am naturally "feminine," that is, my speech, mannerisms, personality and psyche match up with society's expectations for the female gender. (However, when I present as male, some people misinterpret my femininity and think I am gay.)

And when I say "naturally feminine," I mean that I am not faking it. I am not purposely acting feminine. This is me and me is she.

So why is there any doubt in my mind?

I am attracted to the ultra femme side of appearing female. I am a fashionista and I want to look gorgeous. So when I present as a woman, there is no doubt that my presentation is ultra feminine. I dress to impress that I am a female.

Yes, there are plenty of females who wear jeans and tees, but that's not me. Jeans and tees are what I wear when I dress to impress that I am a guy not a gal.

Does my attraction to appearing ultra femme make me less of a woman and more of a guy who wants to be a woman?

Maybe, maybe not.

Source: Ann Taylor
Wearing Ann Taylor

Two lads, circa 1910.
Two lads, circa 1910.


  1. Stana, as always a fascinating post!!
    I think once you (we) get to this point in our lives and have been out and wandering around the gender frontier-you find how you actually present yourself is merely a reflection of what is between your ears as you express your femininity.

    So, who cares (outside of yourself) what makes others satisfied and happy as trans women?

    If you take you an I as an example, in many ways we are the polar opposites. My Mom threatened me with electro shock therapy while you indicate yours was more understanding.You are much more of a fashionista - while I am not. In fact, in my earliest days of going to "transvestite" mixers-I wore slacks many times - and- was harassed about it. "Why would I wear pants to the mixer when I wear them all the time?"

    I told them then and now-wearing dresses and heels did not define my femininity. But-it's my (style) and I don't expect others to be defined by it.

    Bottom line, anyway you may dress to give you the confidence to present your true trans self in public is the way to go---don't you think? We can only be ourselves.

    Boho-or high fashion is all good after all, isn't that all part of the fun part of being a girl? The Goddess knows there are so many other parts which aren't!!!


    1. Thank you for the comments, Cyrsti. Be true to yourself is definitely the way to go and damn, the torpedoes!

  2. AnonymousJuly 10, 2015

    Like you I am never certain if I am trually a woman through to every core of my soul. That is probably the consequence of living most of my life living a different lifestyle. When I am a man, I almost never try to act macho because I know that I am presenting male...which is enough for me. When I present female, like you I probably over to the style and femininity thing, because it has been repressed and needs to come out. I think if I ever lived full time as Nina Adams that I would spend much more time wearing capri, jeans and casual looks. I would alsways more fully appreciate femininity, but I would not have to stamp it on my image at every opportunity.
    I think we are both closer to woman (by far) than cross dressers.

    1. On a male-to-female scale of 0 to 100, I think I am in the 90s.

  3. AnonymousJuly 11, 2015

    I'm just wondering if transsexual women are cis gender male. I don't think so, they are women trapped in a wrong body and all that they want is to get rid of their male attributes to be able to live a life as a female in dignity. That's not much, but so hard to realize and that's more important than discussing the never ending question how to define what trans means.


    1. I try not to think about it too much anymore, but every once in awhile I think about it too much!

    2. AnonymousJuly 16, 2015

      As far as people are not properly informed or even misinformed about our womanhood we have to explain to the public what trans really means and, of course, to think about it. But I only hope that one day it would not be necessary and that transwomen could be a natural part in the society.

  4. Stana,
    I usually agree with you but I have to take exception with the tone of this post. One can easily infer that "crossdressers" are inferior to "men who are really women". They are not. Each of us who are not matched to our perceived and assigned gender are doing what we need to do to survive. In my case, I am what I call bi-gender. If you want to label me somehow as a "crossdresser", I will accept that only in terms of it being something I do not who I am. I crossdress at times based upon my gender assigned at birth. So what am I? I am a person who at times feels the need to be quite feminine yet at other times I am perfectly happy being the male that my "normal" appearance suggests that I am. I don't feel the need to permanently move my body or my daily living towards female. Do I wish to have a day or a week here or there to allow my female side to breath, you bet!

    Each of us has to deal with the minds and bodies we were given. For some, GRS is the solution and provides comfort in congruity. Some need/wish this and for various reasons can't get it. Still others, like me, don't want it. At one time, I thought my situation might be worse than the transsexual but then I realized that GRS doesn't fix everything and the struggle continues for them. What I do know is that I struggle daily wishing that the complications brought about by my gender situation would go away so I could expend my energy in a more productive way and when I have those thoughts I then wonder what kind of man I would have been and worry that I would have been less of a loving husband and father.

    In conclusion, as a bi-gender person (often referred to as a "crossdresser"), I am not a wannabe woman. I am a person that must express a feminine side and when I go out it is part of my need to have others acknowledge that feminine part of me.

    1. Your inference was not my intention, Leann. Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

    2. Not a problem. I can only imagine how hard it is to write a blog on a nearly daily basis and, surely, the nuances of language can be missed.

  5. If any group of people had a good understanding that the concept of "one size fits all" is a misnomer it should be those of us who are somewhere on the gender spectrum.

  6. I'm a woman through and through, though I can't always present as one. During those times I am a "cross dresser" but for the most part I feel I am a woman, I am NOT a wannabe!

    I have many questions about me, like what does my wearing of feminine clothes really mean or say?