Thursday, June 10, 2010

girl's not out

gno My girls' night out ended before it got started!

Don't know if it was a little transphobia or what, but after considering the matter for two days, my friend at work informed me that she had changed her mind and did not want to do a girls' night out with me.

I was very disappointed!

Her departing words were that she promised not to tell anyone about my trans-state, as if that was going to make me feel better!


  1. Stana

    All I can say is WOW!!!! This IS hard to believe. I check in to you'r blog every day, but was waiting for your report about how the evening went and then THIS!!!
    All I can say is WOW.
    She is your best (real woman) friend at work and she must know you and all of a sudden she says no.
    She will explain everything to you someday.

    Thanks, Stana for everything you do for "our" cause.


  2. I am so sorry. I know the feeling, been there, done that.

  3. oh no! i'm so sorry! both for you and for me, i was so looking forward to reading about your night.

    i'm curious how you told her about your dressing and how you girls came up with the idea. how have things been at work since then? still talk with her?

  4. Sorry to hear that your girls night out was cancelled. I hope you have a nice week-end anyway.

    Unfortunately my blog isn't in english but I am thinking about writing in both swedish and english, maybe my experiences might help some too.

  5. So sorry for you ... the loss of an interesting evening and developing relationship. Hopefully she'll reconsider and find the courage to get to know you.



    ps Thanks for the fashion help.

  6. AnonymousJune 11, 2010

    Speaking as a natal woman of about the same age, I'd caution you not to assume transphobia is involved. Maybe she's just nervous about blurring the boundaries of your collegial relationship.

  7. AnonymousJune 11, 2010

    I truly feel your disappointment. As a crossdresser, I have experienced "cold feet" before go out and doing something new, but it's harder to overcome someone else's cold feet. Perhaps, in the fullness of time, you both can share feelings about the issue.


  8. Dear Stana,

    Read your great blog daily.

    I try and get out en femme once a week or I get quite squirrely.

    I don't know your friend but that sounded so cruel. I would have been very dissapointed. I get very down if I cannot be me because of work or family or just things getting in the way.

    I say you need some shopping therapy NOW!


    April, your loyal fan in Canada

  9. Stana,

    Do not for one second feel hurt or bad about this. You are an amazing, inspirational, wonderful woman!!! We all love you and are greatful for your honesty and courage!

    If you feel bad in the least, let it only be because your fun night did not happen (yet!). Please do not feel bad for any other reason. Your friend surely did the best she could, and her efforts are no reflection on you!!!

    With thanks and love,

  10. Thank you all for your kind words.

    When I ran into my friend today, she was as outgoing and friendly as usual... as if nothing had happened. I was avoiding her all morning and had to paste a fake smile on my face when I saw her.

    Ashley --- Long story. She was aware that I dressed en femme for a Halloween party at work years ago (she heard stories; she did not work with me at the time). Last fall, I attended a conference en femme and noticed her sitting nearby. I decided to come out to her then, but she left suddenly at the break. I thought she might have seen me and left because she was upset about seeing me. I finally came out to her in April and she was very surprised (she had not recognized me at the conference). I suggested we go out for dinner some time and she thought it was a good idea. And so it goes...

  11. This is just total speculation, but does she have a boyfriend/husband/significant other? Because the one time something like this happened to me, it was because my friend's spouse expressed discomfort with the idea of his wife being friends with me. Apparently, he presumed I was some kind of sexual predator or something.

    That hurt like hell, and doubly so because my friend didn't stick up for me or our friendship (it crumbled after that). And this reminds me of that a lot.

  12. Renee --- No, she does not have a boyfriend, husband, or significant other.

  13. Ok, well so much for that idea!

  14. Stana, this must have really hurt. I felt it myself, when I read what you wrote. Keep the faith, girl.

    Calie xx

  15. AnonymousJune 14, 2010

    She probably was worried your wife might think you were having an affair or something. Maybe she was afraid that you have a crush of a more traditional non-transgnedered sort on her.