Stuff 108: Giving Back

By J.J. Atwell

Supporting Others

I’m in a somewhat reflective mood as I compose this installment of Stuff. I was thinking about how much I’ve grown in the CD world. (I might need a diet – that’s a joke). Although I’ve been a CD since childhood, it’s only in the past few years that I’ve actually stepped out in public. 

I remember the first time I went out as my femme self. I had been dressing at home for years, but that didn’t prepare me for that huge step to go to my first group meeting. Sure, the physical aspect was in place. I had a wardrobe. I had a wig, shoes, etc. All I needed was the courage. 

The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz comes to mind. First I needed to make a phone call to a representative of the group to introduce myself and find out the meeting details. That itself took a fair amount of resolve, but i went ahead with it. With that behind me, there was no reason to further delay. 

The date for the group meeting arrived. I spent some extra time selecting the outfit. Getting dressed and fussing with my wig. Slapping on some makeup without really knowing what I was doing. What I remember the most was what I was thinking as I drove to the meeting site. Pulling out of my garage and wondering if any neighbors noticed. Sitting at a stop light wondering if the pedestrian crossing the street realized that I wasn’t what I was trying to appear to be. Feeling of the car shoulder harness between my boobs. How wearing heels felt different when driving. And how the wig restricted my peripheral vision. 

Many of you have had those feelings and more. Some of you have not yet experience that. I’m asking those of you who have experience to give back. It’s time for you to help others find their way. 

How to Help

Being a good person is a start. Try to be friendly with all the other CDs you’ll meet on your journey. Give them the benefit of your experience, but don’t be overbearing or come across as an authority figure. Offer help where it’s wanted. Exchange your knowledge with others. And continue to learn from them. 

I try to give back by doing all that. You’re familiar with my writings here on Femulate. I’m also active in some online communities. In my local CD group, I write a column for the monthly newsletter and last year I served as vice president. That’s what works for me. But it’s not necessarily what you should do. Think about what you are good at instead and try to share that in whatever way you can. 

Be especially aware of newly out CDs. They’ve got lots of questions on their minds but may be too afraid to actually ask questions. So start up a conversation about anything. Even if it’s only the weather. Compliment them on some aspect of their outfit. Tell them what you were feeling on your first outing. Encourage them to tell you what they found most difficult or fun about getting out of the house. Give advice only when asked. Above all, listen.

I’ll Be Back

There will be more Stuff. As always comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at -sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so if there is something you would like to read about, please let me know!

Wearing Boston Proper

Damir Kedžo femulating Ariana Grande on Croatian television’s version of Your Face Sounds Familiar.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.