Tuesday, November 20, 2018


In response to my standing offer to answer anything you ask me, Julie Shaw wrote the following.

I'm getting tired of coming up with answers to "well meaning" people asking me when I'm going to start transitioning. I don't WANT to transition. I'm a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser and have NO desire to change that.

My question for you is "how would you communicate this to those sisters on social media who all but berate me for not being true to yourself." I have run out of words.

It seems to me (with emphasis on "to me") that the meaning of "transition" has changed over time.

In olden days when I still lived in a closet, transition meant that you took hormones, had surgery and did all that the law allowed to officially change your name and sex designation.

Today, the definition of "transition" is a lot looser. You don't have to take hormones and/or you don't have to have surgery and/or you don't have to legally change your name or sex designation. You don't even have to live full-time in your trans gender.

So I guess I transitioned some time ago and didn't even know it!

At Fantasia Fair in 2014, I attended Natasha Wilkie's presentation "Planning Your Transition." The most important thing I took out of the presentation was that you do it at your own pace... a pace that you are comfortable with.

As the presentation ended, Natasha left us with a metaphor... Transition is like riding a train. You can get off at any stop and you can get back on the train whenever you wish and in some cases, you can go back to a previous stop.

So when quizzed about when am I going to transition, I can honestly say I have transitioned already.

Source: Boohoo
Wearing Boohoo (Source: Boohoo)

Homer Simpson
Homer Simpson in drag on the Werking Mom episode (11/18/18) of The Simpsons.


  1. It seems like people saying when are you transitioning are asking are you going full time 24/7 as a woman.

    1. I think that is definitely the case with civilians. Transgenders should know better.

    2. Ahhh - SHOULD know better! But my experience says they don't always act on that assumed knowledge. Granted, the instances of my being interrogated about being the "real" me have slowed way down. But that just makes the ones that do pop up all that much more aggravating.
      Thanks for addressing this issue, Stana.

    3. Janet YbarraNovember 20, 2018

      The other thing I would mention about "transition" is that sometimes we know part time transwomen who, from what they say, seem regretful that although they want to transition further, they do not because they are afraid... afraid usually it will be too large an undertaking for them, they (erroneously) think that they have waited too long, whatever. In those cases, I think we are trying to offer well-meaning encouragement.

      Where it goes astray, as you say, is where the transwoman is happy where she is but other transwomen push too hard.

  2. I saw the Simpson's episode. In my opinion, men wearing women's clothing was treated sensitively. It didn't seem like it was as much a caricature as the Fox branded animated programs usually treat subjects like this.

    1. Janet YbarraNovember 20, 2018

      I can't imagine a "sensitive" "Simpsons" episode. Kinda seems like an oxymoron. (Just the word oxymoron sounds like we are teeing up a Simpsons joke ;)).

  3. Janet YbarraNovember 20, 2018

    In the real "old old" days, your transition would involve hormones and surgery and then you would be given an a new identity and move you to a new location like you were in witness protection to live in stealth for the rest of your life. There would be no one ever knowing that you are transgender. The word "transgender" didn't even exist yet.

    But in what you describe in terms of transition is in itself an antiquated notion to some degree when you consider non-binary transgender who may present one gender at one time and another gender at another time. So obviously transition might mean something else.

  4. Go as far as you feel comfortable with
    Under no circumstance let any one push into going further

  5. This post was almost a year ago, and I'm coming back to it now as I have had yet another "well meaning sister" pose that question. ~~sigh~~ Thank you, ladies, for your answers, comments and insights here. It helps me to maintain my balance.