Thursday, May 20, 2010

reflections of a booth babe - part 2


One week ago, I was on my journey en femme attending the world's largest ham radio convention in Dayton, Ohio.

I have had a few days to reflect on my experience and have some thoughts to share. Part Two of those thoughts follow.

You readers have posted comments and sent e-mails congratulating me on my trip to Dayton. I thank you all for your congratulatory words.

"Courage" is the oft-repeated word you used in those comments and e-mails. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, courage is the "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty."

Wow - that is stuff that makes someone a hero! I sure did not feel courageous in Dayton, nor did I feel like a hero (or heroine). I was just trying to be the real me.

All my life, I struggled trying to be the real me. While I patently rejected most of what it meant to be a male, I still presented as a male and as a result, I was an incongruous being, that is, I was a woman dressed like a man (or a girl dressed like a boy).

Although I did not know it at the time, I began crossdressing in my teens to correct that incongruity. I discovered that my new hobby was such a good fit that I crossdressed at every opportunity, initially in the home closet, but later in other closets beyond the home, for example, support group meetings, support group outings, crossdresser conventions, Fantasia Fair, all larger closets, but closets nonetheless.

While I was hanging out in those closets, I also took a few steps out of the closet and got a taste of being the real me in the real world. That experience was so addictive that I wanted to do it more often. Eventually, whenever I had the opportunity to be the real me, I chose to do it in the real world rather than in a closet, no matter its size.

If there was any courage on my part, I had it when I took those first few steps out of the closet into the real world. After that, my forays into the real world were fueled by the exhilaration that I knew awaited me when I was the real me in the real world. I did not need courage to do that; I just needed the opportunities to do that. My trip to Dayton was one of those opportunities.

I look forward to all the opportunities that present themselves in the future. I assure you I will use those opportunities to be the real me and it will not take courage to do so.

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