More Men in Dresses

NYC En Femme

By Missy

Up until a few weeks ago, the only times I had been out in the wider world as Missy were 1.) Halloween parties (always the easiest outlet for presenting en femme) and 2.) special “themed days” or events at the school where I teach including the past two proms, as some of Stana's readers are aware. My school is an overall accepting and supportive environment where I can usually be whatever version of me feels right.

This past winter, however, a very good friend invited me to attend his upcoming wedding, which was to take place in April in New York City, as Missy, if I wanted to. I had chaperoned the prom with this friend for many years (and he was essentially my “date” for the past two), and his fiancee is equally comfortable around me as Missy (and has even loaned me a couple of her outfits!), so there was no question about being supported if I wanted to take what certainly felt like a big step.

Attending a wedding en femme was a “bucket list-level” opportunity, right?! But after giving it some thought, I declined the offer because my wife would be attending the wedding with me and although she is tolerant of my exploits as Missy, this would have been a huge ask. Plus, despite my friend suggesting it, I couldn’t help but think Missy’s attendance could have been a potential distraction.

The wedding couple completely understood that decision, but then added that there would be some pre-wedding events in NYC the day before the ceremony, one of which was (wait for it ...) a drag brunch! What better place for Missy to make an appearance?! So after having read so many positive out-and-about stories on Femulate, Kandi's Land and other sites for years, and talking it over with my wife (who would not be attending any of these events), I decided that yes, Missy would indeed venture from suburban Connecticut into the big city for the drag brunch and the family/friends gathering afterwards. (*gulp!*)

The first order of business was obviously picking out what to wear. With the help of the bride-to-be, my wife and another friend, we decided the “draggiest” outfit I had was this sparkly jumpsuit from H&M (proudly purchased for $3 at a garage sale last summer).

Found coordinating jewelry, had the right heels and was feeling more positive as the date drew nearer and then, a couple of weeks before the event, my friend dropped the bomb that the drag brunch was CANCELED!! 

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! There aren't enough exclamation points to do justice to what had just happened! I felt bad for my friends, of course, because they had planned a fun event for about 40 individuals that had to be scrapped. But they also felt bad for me because they knew I was looking forward to my first truly major outing as Missy. Wanting to still have an enjoyable “Plan B,” they replaced the drag brunch with a gospel brunch at the Blue Note Jazz Club in Harlem.

Then came the moment of truth. I was still planning to attend the event, but as Missy? A drag brunch seemed like a pretty safe haven. A gospel brunch? I honestly wasn’t sure. I waffled for a few days (Yes, that was a brunchy reference) and talked it over with my wife. Ultimately, we decided that my “pink fog” was already pretty thick, so Missy was still going to New York! (*gulp" again)

Once that was settled, this meant a different outfit! Actually, I decided on two outfits, one for the gospel brunch and another for the gathering in the hotel afterward. Surely a wardrobe change was warranted if I was going to make this experience as memorable as possible! I wore a Boho-style dress to the jazz club and a denim-ish dress to the later gathering.

There was no way I was going to ride the train solo as Missy, so I traveled in “standard mode,” met the couple-to-be at their hotel room beforehand, made the transition into Missy and then a group of about 20 of us walked to the subway. As the saying goes, there is safety in numbers, and I felt relieved and comfortable being part of the larger pre-wedding posse. I chatted with the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom most of the way to the jazz club and there were no issues whatsoever regarding my presentation as Missy on the streets of NYC or on the subway. In fact, I received numerous compliments from strangers on the subway about my dress (and on my fingernails and toenails, which also made me feel good!). 

At the hotel gathering later that afternoon, after changing clothes and fixing my makeup, I felt even more comfortable, had normal conversations with both friends and strangers, was told I looked “ravishing!” by a former student and just enjoyed my brief but memorable time mingling as Missy. My wife and I traveled down to NYC the next day to attend the wedding and everything felt right in both parts of my world. [:-)]

Listen, readers, I know I didn’t completely pass, but I honestly didn’t expect to. This was more about simply letting out that part of me anyway, and doing what felt right. As we have read countless times on these websites, being confident is the most important thing and people are more accepting than we give them credit for. (In the dark of the jazz club, though, I'm confident I passed a bit more easily because I had to “introduce” myself to a couple that I have known for close to 20 years, who did not recognize me at all)

If/when the opportunity presents itself, I will feel less hesitant to take a journey as Missy. I get daily positive vibes from many of you on Stana’s site (Stana! Norah! J.J.! Too many others to name!), so thank you for your ongoing words of wisdom.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Stay tuned for the upcoming story from Missy's Prom, 2025!

Wearing Boston Proper

Anson Williams and Ron Howard femulating on television’s Happy Days.

A Lovely Time

Eleven Septembers ago, I attended the garden wedding of two of my friends at their home on a Saturday evening. It was a beautiful and unique affair and it will always stand out from all the other weddings I have attended throughout my life.

It was a small affair – the guest list was composed of only 50 or so family and friends, but it was really a big affair because it was a very family-and-friend-oriented and vibrant event. Vibrant because it was a wedding where the kids were invited and included (most weddings I have attended in the recent past have excluded kids.)

I was very honored that my friends invited me to attend. They did not give me permission to attend en femme and I did not have to ask for their permission to attend en femme. They know me as Stana and expected Stana to attend. Friends like these must be cherished and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them.

Like my friends, their family and friends accepted me into their circle, treated me like an old friend of the family and I could not have felt more comfortable. Except for the wedded couple and two other friends who were guests, I did not know a soul going in and I am shy in such circumstances, but the other guests made me feel as comfortable as possible and I had a wonderful time socializing, dining, drinking and dancing the night away!

I wore a new dress and a new hairdo to the wedding. I received some compliments on how I looked, which just added to the wonder of the evening.

Being a garden affair, I quickly had to learn how to walk in high heels without sinking into the lawn. (The trick is to walk on your toes and not put much weight on your heels.)

I had a lovely time attending my friend's wedding and I will remember it all my life.

Wearing Unique Vintage

Robert Livingston femulating in the 1944 film Goodnight Sweetheart

Fake Brides

I have read a few stories about girls like us going to bridal shops to try on wedding gowns just for the thrill of it with no intention of making a purchase. Typically, the girl calls ahead to make an appointment and the bridal shop staff welcomes her with open arms.

Maybe I am a too jaded, but I find it hard to believe that a bridal shop would allow a girl to try on gowns knowing that she was not buying (not to mention that the girl was a boy).

Did the girl not tell the whole story when she made the appointment?

Or did the girl agree to pay a fee for the opportunity to try on wedding gowns?

Or do the folks running the bridal shops just enjoy the challenge of crossdressing boys?

I would sure like to know how other girls have pulled it off because I would not mind doing it myself.

Wearing Veronica Beard

Circa 1950

Wedding Gown Femulations

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

It was a typical busy weekend filled with family errands and activities. My wife and I were off in separate directions to meet later at a friend’s house in Putnam, Connecticut. On my honey-do list was to drop off clothes at the Salvation Army.

I was on my way to Putnam before I realized that the clothes were still in the back. I found a Savers thrift shop on the way to Putnam and stopped in with the clothes to drop them off. Most of my girl clothes come from thrift shops and I couldn’t resist a quick look around.

I was almost on my way out the door and there it was: a tea-length wedding dress. It drew me closer… a size 18, “Yes!” and it was beautiful. The fitting rooms stood a few feet away. What the heck! Into the dressing room I went. I unzipped it and then stepped into the dress, gradually pulled it up and pushed my arms through the sleeves. As I reached around and tugged the zipper up, I felt the dress begin to close in around me and as if it held a little magic or maybe that magic was inside me, I became for just a second a bride. I stood there spellbound looking in the mirror. Another two or three minutes of wedding bliss and I retreated into my prison uniform (cargo shorts and ducks unlimited t-shirt).

Back in the car, I sat and thought for just a second and noticed my eyes had teared up a bit. Wedding dresses are powerful and emotional garments. They carry with them dreams and hopes of a lifetime. It was a powerful experience for me. I would be a bit off and distant the rest of the evening.

If you have ever worn a wedding dress, you may have had similar feelings. As transgender women, many of us miss out on this experience.

I was elated to see an event recently held in Denver. WhXYte Wedding, an all-transgender model bridal fashion show celebrating and benefiting transgender women. The organizer, Hana from Hana’s Designs, has been a friend of the transgender community for decades. Back in the 90’s, her salon became the place to go for transgender women in Denver.

As those more mature amongst us remember pre-internet, it was businesses like those where a transgender person could find support and network with others in the community. When Hana became ill with cancer, the outpouring of support from the transgender community was remarkable. She never forgot.

A recurring theme she often heard from many transgender women was the desire to be a beautiful bride. This motivated her to produce WhXYte Wedding which permitted some transgender women to live out their visions of being a bride at an fashionable, enjoyable and elegant event.

The event included a wedding ceremony celebrating a transgender woman and her wife renewing their vows, a gourmet menu, TED speaker Paula Stone Williams, dancing and a silent action. This event was a fundraiser to assist Denver area organizations that deal with the problems faced by transgender people.

What was awesome about the event is that the brides came from all walks of life: a Navel Commander, State Legislator, Scientist, Doctor and Firefighter. It is wonderful that now we as a transgender community have finally come out of our safe havens and can celebrate an elegant and fashionable event like this with dignity, pride and most importantly, hope.

Wearing Venus

Femulating man and wife

Blushing Boy Bride

By Diana Grant

Thirty years or so ago, I went round the UK (sponsored by Fuji) to give seminars to my fellow professional photographers on how to photograph weddings.

There were three other English speakers and we each had a couple of models for practical demos. But also they brought in an American lady photographer whose belief was that all male wedding photographers should wear a wedding dress to experience what it is like! She had tried it once before, but it was not an idea that was well received by the UK audience.

She wanted to show the audience what she meant and needed a "willing" volunteer. As I was the only male photographer speaker who did not have a beard and was slim I was "persuaded" to do it. We had a dress supplier exhibiting, so I was fitted out, but just the dress. I would do my program, break for coffee, then get into the dress.

They did not give her and easy time, but in fairness to her, she was right. I did get a better understanding by wearing the wedding dress. Long trains do drag you back. This I conveyed to the audience – my honest photographer's opinion (not the TV version) as they had just heard me and seen my work, so they knew I would not mess about. During the lunch, I got some stick after changing back, but some seemed interested.

The first time was just the dress, but we had six seminar dates and thereafter, it went up a notch. I think she had guessed I liked it. Hence, the next time she asked if I would be prepared to make it more realistic. After some “fake” denials, I said, "Yes."

Would I be willing to do full lingerie, heels, the works and then the dress? Yes! I sort of gave it away when I was able to walk in 3-inch heels with considerable ease for the "first time." Oops!

Thereafter, they changed the running order: she came on first and I came on after lunch, so after breakfast, I was taken to the dressing room and made ready. Therefore, when it all started, I  was already in bride mode. She did her bit explaining her concept and then "one of our speakers has agreed to demonstrate." I walked on to a huge applause and the surprise. ( It felt good). She showed the heels (with stockings evident) as part of her explanation. Murmurs from the audience followed.

Millions of questions were asked, but she was good enough to tell them it was her idea for me to dress for her and go so far for realism. I did get some quizzing later.

The last seminar was in London and now the running order was established and worked like a dream. She did her bit and I was the bride. I had given up all pretense of not enjoying it and stayed as a bride as long as I could get away with it. But had to change back for my talk..

After my last program in the final seminar, the lady speaker asked me since I was obviously loving it, if I would like to be a bride properly? "Yes, please!" So soon I was back in all my wedding finery. This time though the makeup lady was ready with wig, veil and makeup. A couple of the models helped me out and we did some posing

One of the other pro photographers took some images for me and gave me the films to process.

For a few years after, I would get wise cracks from fellow pros who were there, but all in good humor.

At the time, I was out and about in public fully dressed and I was quite confident how I looked. But wearing the wedding dress as  a man in front of others the first time was something strange. Ironically, once I had all the lingerie and shoes on, I felt happier. I think it was because I was doing it for a reason, so it seemed right.

My obvious enjoyment from wearing the dress spoke volumes to the speaker! My plucked eyebrows and shaved body may have pointed her in the right direction, too.

Probably the only time I will ever be a true bride. It was fun and actually nice to recall.

Wearing SheIn.

Womanless wedding in Australia, circa 1960

Meg's Favorite Photo (of Meg!)

Stana,

I know I'm late to the party, but picking a favorite photo is like picking a favorite child. And no matter how much I love each (photo) there's always an "I wish" to go along with it: I wish I smiled better. I wish I looked up. I wish I stood straighter. I wish my hair was neater. I wish I didn't look so LUMPY.

So I'm going with a picture that symbolizes the next, best phase of my life: my recent wedding. Drab or drag, I'm a different, better, happier person. And after six short months I only see things getting better.

Thank you, Stana, for the opportunity to share.

Meg

Got selfies? My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Boston Proper.

Actors Jamie Morris, Chad Peterson, Ashton McKay Shawver and
Michael B. Moore on stage in Re-Designing Women (2015).

The Tale of the Male Bridesmaid

Paula e-mailed me about a male bridesmaid and her quest to get to the bottom of the story.

It all started with an article posted on the WLIF FM radio station website titled “Trend Alert: Male Bridesmaids.” The article stated, "Now, it’s not always women on the Bride’s side.  What to you think of a man on the Bridesmaids’ side?"

Accompanying the article was the following photograph.

 
Some readers concluded that the bridesmaid on the right was male. Admittedly, she is a big girl and her face has some masculine features, so their conclusions are not out of line especially considering the photo's juxtaposition to the article.

Paula was fascinated with the photo, posted the link on Crossdressers.com and asked if anyone knew the bridesmaid.

Turns out the male bridesmaid was probably female.

The original bridesmaids' photo appears here in a set of photos from a 2010  "celebrity" wedding in Australia. (The celebrities were an Australian fashion model and an Australian professional football player.) The names of the bridesmaids appears here. All the names are female names.

The male bridesmaid could have used a female name, but I believe that other photos of the so-called male bridesmaid (like this photo) suggest that she is female and not male.

On the other hand, males femulating in wedding parties do exist. Here is a perfect example.

Sadly, I never had the opportunity to be a bridesmaid, maid of honor, or a bride, and at my age, it ain’t gonna happen. However, mother of the bride is still a possibility.

 

 

 

Maxine Andrews of Andrews Sisters fame
with actor Charles Busch backstage in 1995.

 

 

 

Wearing Madeleine.

The Groom Wore Satin and Lace

Surfing the Web, I found this story, an oldie, but a goodie, about a 1984 role reversal wedding in the United Kingdom.  

According to Syndication International,  "The wife wore the trousers yesterday at the weirdest wedding of the year. The 'blushing bride' in white satin and lace, was a MAN, and so were his pretty bridesmaids.

"The black-suited 'groom' was a WOMAN... and it was all legal. For transvestite Bruce Laker won his battle to wed live-in lover Vanda Young in Britain's first gender-bender marriage ceremony.

"Bruce wore tights with a garter and carried a posy of roses and orchids.

"The bizarre wedding took place at Newport on the Isle of Wight. Bruce, 30, and hairdresser Vanda, 34 wore just what they pleased, though the Registrar General frowned on the bad-taste marriage.

"Bruce's mother was philosophical about the whole thing. She said: 'Let's face it. I've not lost son - I've gained two daughters-in-law.'"

Six Years Later

In a follow-up story, six years later, the "marriage that would never last" was still going strong, according to the Weekly World News.

"..it's Vanda who dons the trousers each morning as she trots off to work in a styling salon."

"And it's her gender-bending Bruce who ties a frilly apron over his housemaid's dress and spends the day tidying up their little love next on England's Isle of Wight."

Neither story disclosed what "battle" Bruce won in order to wear white at his wedding. The earlier article infers that it was a legal battle, but I don’t know for sure.

The photo is from the Weekly World News article. I take exception to the caption, "World's ugliest bridesmaids." In my opinion, the bridesmaid to Bruce’s immediate left is a knock-out.

Twelve Years Later

The couple turns up again 12 years later in the 1997 book Male Femaling by Richard Elkins.

"Phaedra Kelly is the alternate personality of Bruce Laker. She is a 42-year-old married writer and transgender activist who lives with her wife and step-daughter on the Isle of Wight in a home which doubles as The Museum of International Gender Identity. From the same address she directs the International Gender Transient Affinity, the first working world-wide transgender human rights organization."

You can read the entire excerpt from Male Femaling here. And Zagria has some additional information about Phaedra on her A Gender Variance Who's Who blog.

I could not find anything newer about this ground-breaking marriage. Are Phaedra and Vanda celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary this year? I hope so.

More or Less Womanless

I received an unsolicited e-mail a few days ago that invited me to visit a web site to view videos related to womanless pageants, weddings, fashion shows, etc. I checked it out and found a list of approximately 300 links to such videos. Many I had seen in the past, but some were new to me.

I was going to pass the web site along to you readers, then I discovered that there was a "catch." If I was not careful about where I pointed and clicked, the womanless video list transitioned into a pornography video list. So I abandoned the idea of passing along the web site information to you.

Instead, I Googled it myself. Doing so, I came up with 692 womanless-related videos. Like the porn site list, some I have seen in the past, but some were new to me.

You'll have to separate the wheat from the chaff yourself. Enjoy!

will The New York Times accept a wedding announcement from a transgender bride?

Planning a transgender wedding went pretty smoothly. Only one question remains: Will The New York Times accept a wedding announcement from a transgender bride?

Read all about it here in Joanne Herman's article on The Huffington Post.

(Photo caption: Georgina Turtle leaving St Margaret's Church in Westminster with her new husband, Christopher Somerset, on October 13, 1962. Georgina, formerly a dentist in the British navy, transitioned in 1957.)

a lovely time

I attended the garden wedding of two of my friends at their home on Saturday evening. It was a beautiful and unique affair and it will always stand out from all the other weddings I have attended throughout my life.

It was a small affair in that the guest list was composed of of only 50 or so family and friends, but it was really a big affair because it was a very family-and-friend-oriented and vibrant event. Vibrant because it was a wedding where the kids were invited and included (most weddings I have attended in the past has excluded kids. Who said "youth is wasted on the young?")

I was very honored that my friends invited me to attend. They did not give me permission to attend en femme and I did not have to ask for their permission to attend en femme. They know me as Staci and expected Staci to attend. Friends like these must be cherished and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them.

Like my friends, their family and friends accepted me into their circle, treated me like an old friend of the family, and I could not have felt more comfortable. Except for the wedded couple and two other friends who were guests, I did not know a soul going in and in such circumstances, I become shy, but the other guests made me feel as comfortable as possible and I had a wonderful time socializing, dining, drinking, and dancing the night away!

I wore a new dress and a new hairdo to the wedding. I received some compliments on how I looked, which just added to the wonder of the evening.

Being a garden affair, I quickly had to learn how to walk in spike heels without sinking into the lawn. The trick is to walk on your toes and not put much weight on your heels.

I had a lovely time attending my friend's wedding en femme and I will remember it all my life.

cool

During the past few days, the weather here has turned the corner from summer to fall, which means that I shed as much body hair as possible and begins dressing like a girl at every opportunity.

The first opportunity arrives this Saturday when I attend a wedding en femme, which will be a new experience for me. Too bad I am spoken for because I would have loved to try and catch the bride's bouquet; my height and long arms might have been an advantage there!

In preparation for my first time out since my June Manhattan adventure, I have begun the process of hair removal. I do it in steps over a few days to make it less daunting. Once I remove my summer layer of fur, I maintain it over the cooler months so that it is less of a chore each time I go out.

I bought three new dresses with the intention of wearing one to the wedding. I almost bought new shoes, too, but I already own so many pairs that match my outfit that I decided to skip another new pair.

Also, I bought new hair, which will make its debut at the wedding and I bought some new makeup to replenish my warpaint collection.

So, I am good to go and look forward to Saturday.