My New Year’s Resolutions

By Monika Kowalska

Every January arrives with the subtle grace of a drunk uncle at a wedding. Loud, demanding, full of expectations and absolutely convinced this is the year we finally get our life together. I have learned to greet New Year’s resolutions the way I greet miracle anti-aging creams with hope, experience and a healthy sense of irony.

This year, my resolutions are not about becoming a new woman. I worked far too hard for the woman I already am. These resolutions are about refinement, survival, joy and choosing peace over nonsense, preferably while wearing good lipstick.

Resolution One, I Will Stop Apologizing for Existing

I resolve to stop apologizing for my voice, my confidence, my femininity, my intelligence and the space I take up in a room. I am not “too much.” I am exactly enough and if that feels overwhelming to someone, they are welcome to sit down and hydrate. This includes apologizing for correcting people, setting boundaries or knowing what I want. I transitioned to live authentically, not to shrink politely.

Resolution Two, I Will Dress for Myself, Not for Approval

Yes, I will still look fabulous, but I will stop dressing defensively. No more outfits chosen solely to reassure strangers that I am “trying hard enough.” Some days I will be elegant. Some days I will be casual. Some days I will look like a French widow contemplating life over espresso. All valid. Femininity is not a performance review, and I do not need applause to feel beautiful.

Resolution Three, I Will Protect My Energy Like It Is Limited, Because It Is

I will no longer explain my existence to people who ask questions in bad faith, disguised as curiosity. I will not debate my humanity between coffee breaks. I will not exhaust myself educating those who confuse Google with empathy. My energy is precious, my time is finite, and my peace is non-negotiable.

Resolution Four, I Will Laugh More, Especially at Absurdity

Being transgender has given me a front-row seat to the theater of human nonsense. I resolve to laugh at it more often. The awkward compliments. The invasive questions. The people who think they deserve my medical history before my last name. Humor is not denial. Humor is survival with better lighting.

Resolution Five, I Will Choose Connection Over Perfection

I will stop waiting to be flawless before being visible. I will write, speak, flirt, love and live as I am, wrinkles, wisdom, scars and all. I have learned that authenticity attracts better people than perfection ever could. I am not a work in progress. I am a woman in motion.

Resolution Six, I Will Be Kinder to My Body

My body has been through negotiations, transformations, recoveries and moments of profound courage. I will treat it with respect. I will rest without guilt. I will eat with pleasure, move with intention and stop comparing my timeline to anyone else’s highlight reel. This body carried me home to myself. That deserves gratitude.

Resolution Seven, I Will Keep My Standards High and My Tolerance for Disrespect Low

Romantically, socially, professionally, I know my worth. I will no longer entertain people who see me as a curiosity, a compromise or a “learning experience.” I am not here to be tolerated. I am here to be cherished or at the very least, treated decently.

Resolution Eight, I Will Celebrate Being a Mature Woman

Maturity is not something to apologize for. It is perspective. It is resilience. It is knowing when to walk away and when to lean in. I have earned my confidence the hard way and I wear it better than insecurity ever did. Aging as a transgender woman is not a tragedy. It is a victory.

So here’s my final resolution, I will enter this new year unapologetically myself. Softer where I need to be, stronger where it matters, wiser than last year and still delightfully stubborn. I do not promise perfection. I promise presence. And honestly, that feels like more than enough.

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing Shein

Femulating in Space's music video for “Begin Again.”
Click here to view this music video on YouTube.
Again, thanks to Rachel Williams for the information about this femulation.