Building

Crossdressing confidence is like building a house. As you build a house, it slowly grows piece by piece, board by board, room by room. When you are finished, you move in and live in the house and don’t think about building it.

Similarly, you build your crossdressing confidence going out among the civilians and experiencing the world as women do. Each experience out adds another piece to your house. When you are finished putting all the pieces together, you are ready and you won’t think about building confidence.

How do you know when you reach that point?

That’s easy... you will reach that point when you stop thinking about what you are doing and just do it without hesitation. The confidence-building stage is over and it is time to move in and enjoy what you have built.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Peter Srámek femulating Gabi Tóth on Hungarian television.

Why Nights Aren’t Ours

By Monika Kowalska

Let’s admit it: walking alone at night as a woman isn’t just “going for a stroll.” It’s an Olympic-level sport in risk management. The moment the sun sets, the rules of movement shift. What men see as a casual walk home becomes, for us, a strategy session: Which shoes won’t slow me down if I have to run? Should I avoid that dark alley even though it cuts five minutes off my journey? Do I look confident enough to avoid attention, but not so confident that I’m “asking for it?” 

It’s exhausting. For women, a night out doesn’t end when the music stops or the drinks run out. It ends when we finally lock the door behind us, safe. Until that point, we’re on high alert. We keep our keys threaded between our fingers like makeshift brass knuckles. We fake phone calls to friends or family to deter unwanted company. We avoid headphones so we can hear footsteps behind us. This is not paranoia, it’s survival.

And here’s the maddening part: this constant vigilance is so normalized that we hardly question it anymore. We share our location with friends before leaving a party. We text “home safe” to the group chat because not sending that message sets off alarms. We even make calculations about what to wear based not on comfort or style, but on how our outfit might influence the wrong kind of attention. It’s as though enjoying yourself comes with a fine print clause: but don’t forget, danger may apply after dark. 

Think about what this really means. The city that belongs to everyone during the day suddenly belongs less to us at night. Streets, sidewalks, parks, public spaces shrink for women after sunset. We don’t just lose time; we lose freedom. Freedom to be spontaneous. Freedom to walk slowly without worry. Freedom to enjoy silence, stars or simply our own thoughts without a shadow of fear trailing behind us.

Of course, we learn to adapt. We form protective packs with girlfriends because there’s safety in numbers. We adjust routes to stick to busier, better-lit streets, even if it adds time. We call a taxi even when we’d rather save the money. We laugh it off, calling ourselves “paranoid,” when deep down we know it’s not paranoia if it keeps us alive. 

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: this isn’t just about walking home. It’s about control. Every time we feel forced to rethink our outfit, route or plans, we’re reminded subtly, but firmly, that our freedom has limits. Not natural limits, not reasonable limits, but limits imposed by the threat of violence and by the people who perpetuate or excuse it.

We’re told to take precautions, as though safety is solely our responsibility. We’re told not to drink too much, not to wear that skirt, not to walk alone, not to be “reckless.” And if something happens, the question too often isn’t “Why was she attacked?” but “Why was she out there in the first place?” It’s a narrative that shifts blame onto women while ignoring the real issue: the right to simply exist, freely after dark. 

So let’s say it plainly: women are limited because walking alone at night is not safe. And until it is safe, we will continue to carry our keys like weapons, text our friends obsessively and weigh every decision against the backdrop of risk. But let’s also remind ourselves: this is not how it should be. Nighttime should be as much ours as it is anyone else’s.

One day, perhaps, a woman walking alone at night won’t be a cause for concern, debate or whispered warnings. It will just be a woman walking. Nothing more, nothing less. Until then, sisters, stay clever, stay cautious and keep demanding more than survival. Because we deserve not just to make it home alive, we deserve to live freely, fully and without fear.

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing Paige

Nick Sinckler, Kuba Szmajkowski, Marcin Januszkiewicz and Ewelina Flinta impersonate The Pussycat Dolls on Polish television's Twoja twarz brzmi znajomo.

Stuff 88: A Beauty Pageant

Part 3 - The Finale

By J.J. Atwell

Thanks to my faithful readers for following along with this tale of my participation in our club’s beauty pageant. If you haven’t yet read parts one and two, I suggest you go back and read them first. In this last installment, I’ll cover beachwear, Sunday best and the results. 

Beachwear

I mentioned in a previous installment that the pageant substituted “beachwear” for bathing suits. That was in recognition of the fact that our contestants were predominately crossdressers and wouldn’t really be able to pull off a skimpy bathing suit without exposing things that shouldn’t be exposed. So the compromise was to allow you to dress in what you might wear on the way to the beach. 

I decided to be fairly conservative and went with a coverup, big hat, sunglasses and a beach tote. Others wore similar stuff, but a couple were in bathing suits and looked very good. I know I’m going to have to up my game in this area for this year’s pageant. 

Sunday Best

As I noted at the start, this part of the pageant can be thought of as the evening gown component of a traditional beauty pageant. I was a bit unclear as to what this meant and as a result I was a bit dressed down compared to others. Most of the other contestants were in long gowns, some with really dramatic accessories, legs shown through slits and some faux cleavage. I’m pretty sure that the judges would have graded me last in this part. Again, this is an area that I will have to up my game this time around.

Results

As the pageant wrapped up, we were all brought out on stage for the announcement of the winners. First they announced the runner-up and I was surprised and honored to be named for that! As I think about it, the judges apparently valued things beyond just traditional standards of beauty or convincing transition. I believe my strengths were my comedy routine and the answers I gave during my interview. 

I apologize for not including pictures of the other contestants, but since I didn’t ask for their permission it wouldn’t be appropriate to post them in public. Please take my word for it though, that we all brought some surprisingly realistic feminine presentations. In my opinion, we were all winners.

There is no question that this event was like living a CD’s dream. I hope you get a chance to participate in an event with your local CD group. 

I’ll Be Back

The picture at the top of the page was me participating in the beachwear part of the pageant. I’m currently planning my outfits for the next beauty pageant, which will be held in early November. I’ll post more about that after the event. In the meantime I welcome comments either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Chanel bag

Dave Foley femulating on Canadian television’s The Kids in the Hall.

Even More Men Mincing in Skirts

More Men Mincing in Skirts

 

Where To Go

Readers ask me where to go to get a male-to-female transformation/makeover. Most of those readers do not live in my neck of the woods, so I am not aware of transformation/makeover services in their area. Best I can do is suggest going to MAC, Sephora or Ulta, who will usually do makeovers on guys as well as gals. Lacking one of those purveyors, you can feel out local beauty salons and find one willing to give you a makeover.

I tried that once; called a local salon that looked like it might do my bidding, spoke with the proprietor and although she said she was willing, I could tell she was uncomfortable, so I did not make an appointment.

Either way, MAC, Sephora, Ulta and your local beauty salon may do over your makeup, but usually they won’t provide a wig, dress you, take photos and go out to lunch. Whereas a male-to-female transformation salon will provide some or all of those services.

Where Do You Go?

Wednesday's post that mentioned Elizabeth Taylor’s transformation service in the DC area, moved me to write this post to ask you readers where you have gone for a successful transformation/makeover. Let me know by email (my Email Stana link is in the sidebar) and I will compile a list here for readers looking for a makeover in their neck of the woods. Please include the name of the service, its location and website, if any.

Wearing StyleWe

Christopher Masterson femulating on television’s Malcolm in the Middle.

Love Conquers All

By Monika Kowalska

Last week, I had the chance to talk to Beth, an extraordinary cisgender woman whose makeover studio is a sanctuary for the trans community. I had never stepped into a studio like hers before I transitioned, so I didn’t know what to expect. But as I talked to her about her work, I realized how transformative this space can be, not just for beauty, but for confidence, affirmation and the courage to explore one’s identity. And then there’s her love story with her wife, Giselle, a story so tender, so real, that it made my heart swell. As someone who is hopelessly romantic and can’t resist sharing a beautiful love story, I knew I had to tell it.

Beth’s studio is a world unto itself. Nestled in Takoma Park, Maryland, it hums with creativity, warmth and empowerment. Clients arrive for every reason: some nervously stepping into heels for the first time, others seasoned stars seeking a fresh look. Beth’s services are as comprehensive as they are enchanting: full makeovers, professional photography, feminine deportment coaching and accompanied outings to restaurants, bars and even nature trails. Each session is more than an appointment; it is a celebration, a step toward authenticity, and a gentle reminder that beauty is both seen and felt. 

Beth’s own journey is as compelling as the transformations she guides. After 11 years in the Navy, she emerged ready to live life on her own terms. Coming out as bisexual/pansexual in 2012, she created her transformation studio. 

And sometimes, that artistry changes lives. Giselle first met Beth in 2013 at a tgirlnation event. Beth’s skilled hands guided Giselle’s transformation, opening the door to a life fully lived as a woman and eventually to the marriage they share today. Their love story is quietly breathtaking. What began as a professional encounter blossomed into romance and over the years, they’ve built a life that balances intellect and artistry, policy and passion, public achievement and private joy. From music and television binges to cycling adventures and quiet evenings at home, their story shows that love isn’t only about grand gestures, it’s about deep, abiding partnership and mutual growth.

Beth and Giselle also demonstrate the transformative power of the beauty industry for the trans community. Beth’s clients often experience breakthrough moments: some realizing they’re ready to transition fully, others discovering a confidence that reshapes their social lives. Many of these clients remain part of a “transition family” that extends far beyond the studio walls. 

Giselle, who lived privately for decades, now revels in the freedom of living authentically, supported by Beth and the community they embrace. Their story reminds me that transformation is never only external, it is profoundly internal. Beth’s brushes and photography capture the surface, but it is her empathy, insight and understanding that illuminate the soul. Giselle’s journey, guided by that empathy, underscores the courage it takes to live authentically. Together, they are living proof that love, art and courage can intertwine to create something extraordinary.

In a world that often misunderstands or marginalizes transgender women, Beth and Giselle are beacons. Beth nurtures identity, confidence and community through her studio; Giselle exemplifies living fully and authentically through intellect, creativity and courage. And together, they show that love is not limited by age, background or past experiences; it is a force that transforms, sustains and celebrates life in every color. 

Theirs is a love story for the ages: two women from different paths, converging in a meeting of hearts and minds, navigating challenges, embracing joy and building a life that inspires everyone who meets them. In Beth’s studio, clients glimpse the magic of transformation; in Beth and Giselle’s life together, we see the power of love to transform everything.

Their story is not just about makeovers or milestones, it is about courage, authenticity and the beauty of two lives intertwined, affirming that the most extraordinary transformations happen in the heart. And as someone who loves a good romantic story, it is a story I am thrilled to share with you. If you want to learn more, you can read both of my interviews with Beth and Giselle. 

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing Boston Proper

Paul Rudd and Adam Scott femulating on television’s The Greatest Event in Television History.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Here is one of the first photos ever taken of
 me fully en femme after my first makeover.

By Tami

I am a new contributor to Femulate. Hopefully my debut won’t be my last appearance here. 

I selected my femme, Tami, because it is very feminine and could never be mistaken for a male name. The feminine version of my male name is basically the same, hence not distinctly feminine.

In many ways, I am very similar to our hostess, Stana, but in some ways we approach crossdressing from perhaps a slightly different origin and perspective. Many of us girls relate very closely to her, while others share some or all of my traits. Variety is the spice of life, right? I know we all differ slightly, but the one thing that binds us tighter than the tightest corset is a love of the finer aspects of femininity, especially an appreciation of the soft, sensuous clothing that is currently worn primarily by the fairer gender.

Stana and I are both tall gals. I am also six feet two inches (188 CM) tall in my stockinged feet. Like Stana, my height doesn’t stop me from wearing the highest heels I can find. My male size 11 feet limit the variety of ladies size 13 heels available, but they are out there. I have had little success finding feminine shoes in my size in brick and mortar stores, as even the stores that have larger sizes seem to top out at size 12, which are just a tad too small, although slingbacks sometimes can fit. If the real world stores do have anything larger then 12 the selection is very limited and the styles are usually not feminine enough for this girly-girl. Such a pity, as I would welcome the chance to try on as many pretty shoes as possible, and model them in the stores to make sure they don’t hurt too much or don’t look as gorgeous as I hoped they would look. 

For you girls who are also challenged finding pretty feminine shoes in sizes 13 and up, there are plenty of good options online. Try Amazon.com; they have a very nice selection, as well as Sexy Shoes (https://www.sexyshoes.com), Pleaser (https://pleasershoes.com) and OnlyMaker (https://www.onlymaker.com). Ebay and Etsy usually have pretty shoes in the larger sizes. If you don’t mind waiting for delivery or risking getting poorer quality (it is hit or miss), there is always Temu (https://www.temu.com) and Shein (https://us.shein.com). They have a wide selection of all sorts of the most feminine finery, from shoes to lingerie to slinky girly outfits, so it is worth checking them out, too.

Stana and I are very near the same age. I am astonished that I am now in my mid 70’s (a lady never reveals her real age), although I don’t feel that old and I wonder where the years went. I have been told I look much younger, especially when I am all dolled up en femme. Thank the Goddess for makeup, wigs and shapewear! The good part of aging is having many experiences dressing as a girl behind me, which I will start sharing here whenever possible.

I started trying on women’s clothing at a very young age, same as Stana. It was easy for both of us because we had a mother and sister, in my case, three older sisters. I feel for you girls who didn’t have the opportunity to sample the outfits of a female relative. Stana and I both grew up in the same 1950’s period, when female clothing was generally much more feminine than it is by the standards of today. My mother and sisters always wore stockings, girdles or garter belts, silky slips and panties and bras and higher heels when they went out someplace special. They always dressed up on Sunday mornings for church. 

All girls back then wore skirts or dresses to school and they always wore stockings that were held up by girdles or garter belts. Pantyhose did not exist at that time; it was invented in 1959, but didn’t become popular until the mid 1960’s, thanks to the advent of the miniskirt, which made stockings held up by garter belts and girdles impractical. The shorter the hemline, the more likely your stocking tops and garters would show, especially when sitting down. As every dress wearer knows, when you sit in a dress or skirt, your hemline rises and more of your leg is on display.



Lastly in the similarity department, Stana and I are both from the Northeast USA. She is from Connecticut, and I am from nearby Long Island, New York, in the suburbs of New York City. That said, we have never met, but maybe someday we might have a girls day out for lunch or shopping. One can dream, right?

So what is different about us? Stana has stated that she has always been a feminine soul, that her mannerisms and affectations have naturally been more feminine than masculine. She was one of those who were more female than male as far at their persona goes, In that way, she takes to dressing en femme perfectly, as if the female wardrobe was always better suited to her style. She has written that when en femme people assume she’s a female, as much based on her mannerisms as her female clothing. Based on what I have read here over many, many years, she does not give one the sense that she is different than any other woman, except that she is taller then the average girl.

Unlike Stana, I do not come to being feminine naturally, I have to follow RuPaul’s advice, and “work it, girl!” I played sports all my life. I have a very male physique. I followed boys pursuits, rough-housing around, playing soldier and cowboys and Indians (I never played the cowgirl), and building model cars and airplanes, and collecting baseball cards and toy guns. I never played with dolls or wanted to be a girl. I never dressed as a girl on Halloween, but don’t think I wouldn’t have loved to if I’d only been brave enough! I remember reading here that Stana also enjoyed many of the same young male interests of that time also. And just like her, I was and still am only attracted to females. 

I don’t feel I was born in the wrong body. So why do I crossdress? I crave the sensual quality of femininity, the silky feel of nylons on my freshly shaved legs, the soft caress of silk or satin panties, slips, blouses, skirts and dresses, the head-turning scent of a flowery perfume. I get shivers from donning a tight girdle or corset and feeling the constriction that helps me get a more feminine silhouette. 

I always wear stockings, not pantyhose, as I adore the feeling from the tug on the garters on my sheer silky stockings as I walk. I would often wear them under my male clothing, just because of the thrill the feeling they gave me. For me, it’s not about feeling more “natural” when dressed en femme. It’s about the feeling of the clothes, the excitement, the adventure, the thrill, achieving an indefinable feeling that borders on euphoria. 

How I started this lifelong close relationship with the female wardrobe and how it evolved and flourished will be revealed in upcoming posts. Lace up your corsets tight, girls, it’s going to be a bumpy ride, just like the bumps created by my garter tabs when I wear my tightest skirt.

Wearing Carolina Herrera

Roland Drew femulating in the 1942 film Lady Gangster.

Stuff 87: A Beauty Pageant – Part 2

By J.J. Atwell

Talent and Interview

Welcome back! In part one, I covered how the judging and the four parts of the beauty pageant worked. If you haven’t read part one you might want to go back and do that before reading this part. 

Today, I’d like to give you a bit more detail on what was involved in the Talent and Interview sections of the pageant.  

Talent

The talent portion of the pageant was a bit mixed. Some of us had an actual talent, mostly musical, while others came up with a unique twist on their talent.  

One of the contestants is a very good bowler. But how do you display that talent to the judges? She brought a set of bowling pins and a ball. She set up the pins on one side of the stage and rolled a strike from the other side. Well, maybe it wasn’t an actual strike, but she certainly got credit for creativeness. 

I did a stand-up comedy routine, which was a more improv than scripted monolog. I attempted to do a Mrs. Mazel kind of routine making sure that my jokes were not disrespectful of women, but instead supported them. You remember from part one that I participated under the name of Miss Nothing. Quite a few of my jokes played on that misnomer. Watching the judges’ expressions told me that I was hitting the mark. 

Interview

In the interview portion, the judges had different questions for each contestant. Only one contestant was on stage at a time and the rest of us were in the back room busy changing outfits and touching up our makeup. That means that each question was a surprise and we didn’t have time to think about our response. All our answers were off the top of our head. There was lots of pressure to give a good response while remaining poised.

Much of that part is a blur in my memory, but I recall two questions. I was asked what I, as a middle-aged crossdresser, would say to younger one. I joked that I appreciated being called middle-aged, but didn’t really think I was going to live to be 150, which got a chuckle. I went on to say that life is short and a younger CD should just go out and be themselves. 

Another question asked what I did for the CD community which gave me an opening to mention my weekly Stuff column and how many people it reaches (Thanks, Stana). I believe that my responses to the interview questions were the major reason I placed as well as I did. 

I’ll be back

The picture at the top of this page is me in my Sunday best during the interview part of the pageant. More about the beauty contest is coming up in part three next week. In the meantime I welcome comments either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Rene Ruiz

Alf Collins femulating in the 1909 British film How Percy Won the Beauty Competition.
Click here to view this film on YouTube.