According to my recollection, the first negative word ever hurled at me was “sissy.”
“Sissy,” according to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition, is “a boy or man regarded as effeminate.”
To illuminate that definition, the dictionary defines “effeminate” as “having qualities or characteristics more often associated with women than men; characterized by weakness and excessive refinement.”
Yes – that’s me. The dictionary could print an image of me next to the printed words to illustrate the definition.
The thing is that the first time I was called a sissy, I had no idea that I was one. All I knew was that I was “me” and I was not intentionally emulating females. I did not go out of my way to be a sissy, rather I was just acting naturally. My personality directed me to do things a certain way. The problem was that that way often did not meet the expectations of how a “man” would do those things.
When I realized that something was amiss (yeah, me), I began forcing myself to do things the way a “man” does things in order to be accepted in society and not be shunned for being effeminate.
Often, I felt uncomfortable when I forced myself to be a “man.” As time passed, I learned that being accepted in society as a “man” was not worth the effort. So as I grew older and wiser, I forced myself less often and let my personality act naturally more often.
I also began crossdressing more publicly at that time in my life* and my open crossdressing went hand-in-hand with my decision to stop forcing myself to act like a “man.”
I enjoyed dressing as a woman and my normal personality did not conflict with the way I dressed, i.e., I was not a “man in a dress.” Again, this is not an assumption on my part; I have been told more than once that when I crossdress, my personality is a natural fit for the way I am dressed.
I realized that the natural way for me was often the the feminine way, but so what? Why was I forcing myself to be something that I was not? So, I stopped acting like a “man” and instead, acted like “me,” picking and choosing what I liked from the masculine and feminine aisles in that big department store called “Life.”
But the name-calling continued. But I eventually ignored the taunting, learned to embrace my self, and became my own man or should I say “woman.”
Actually, I am somewhere in between. Circumstances prevent me from being a woman all the time. Some of the time, I am a feminine man and some of the time, I am a feminine woman, so you can call me “sissy” – it’s a good fit.
* FYI, I began crossdressing regularly in my early teens, but I had a keen interest in crossdressing much earlier and probably crossdressed for the first time when I was about 8 years old. I crossdressed in public (Halloween) for the first time in my late teens and I crossdressed in public (not Halloween) for the first time in my mid-30s.
Beware – This post is a rerun!
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| Wearing BGL |
I don't remember being called a Sissy, but every time I stepped up to play with the big boys, my uncles and older cousin I would get hurt ( two broken collar bones and a sprained arm). It was much safer hanging around with my grandma, aunts and girls in general. I guess I learned to appreciate the softer side of life from them. Randi
ReplyDeleteI personally have decided that being a sissy is a label I am proud of. It means lots of things in different ways. Sometimes my wife and I will be having a conversation and the conclusion will be - yes you are going to do this because, well you are the biggest sissy in the house. I remember the first time she wanted cookies for her book group. She went and bought a new apron for me before she told me - and it was too cute for words.
ReplyDeleteBack in the 80s and 90s I taught a high school sociology class on the changing roles of men and women in our society. I would do a week long discussion on labels we place on those that don't fit what we consider "normal". We spent time looking at the rejection of the sissy and acceptance to a certain age of tomboy. (most girls stopped wanting to be called tomboy at around 13 or the time of their first bra.) Today with all the hate directed at Trans kids, I wonder if those words are still used to put people down. Someday we can only hope that people can be accepted for who they are, how they want to present themselves and even dress the way they like.
ReplyDeletefor some reason the label "sissy" bugs me. perhaps how it was used as a term of derision. not to say that I don't fit the descriptions--emily
ReplyDeleteSociety is overrun with functional illiterates, so society has little respect from me. I started exploring women's lingerie at 5-6 after repeatedly hearing from relatives how wonderful it would be if I were female with my long eyelashes, blue eyes, and naturally curly blond hair. I believe I absorbed the idea that being male was not as important as being female, fueling my desire to present my femininity. My 13 yr older sister surprised me when I thought no one was home, and I was wearing mom's panty, pantyhose, bra, and high heels. I immediately got scared about being revealed, but my sister just told me to stop using my mom's clothes, and for me to come with her to her room. I was still scared she was going to yell at me until I watched her dig out her old clothes. She kept dresses, skirts. tops, lingerie, and shoes as she grew up, and informed me that I could dress up in her old clothes whenever I wanted and avoid discussing this with our parents as this was the 60's. I was totally relieved, and felt like I died and went to heaven, as I now had panties, dresses, skirts, and tights that fit me. I found reasons to be in my sister's room 3 or 4 times a week for dress up. Since my sister's room was on the second floor, generally we could hear if our parents were coming, so I felt confident in dressing up and my sister took a liking to assisting my feminine side. After watching her apply her makeup before dates, she finally gave in with my constant desire to do makeup and helped me learn to apply my own makeup at 8 years old. When she left for college, I got her room and continued to express my feminine side more frequently in private. Experienced a couple close calls when my mother came to my room with clean laundry, while I was wearing a bodystocking and heels, just having enough time to duck into the bathroom. My sister continued to foster my feminine side buying me lingerie, skirts, dresses, and heels, as mom got rid of my stash of my sister's clothes when my sister left for college. I've grown to embrace the comfort of women's clothes, shoes, and applying makeup. I enjoy going out with my girlfriends 1-2 a month as just 1 of the gals.
ReplyDeleteI would tell you that in my teens and twenties I was an average straight looking, straight acting, straight sounding, and also, yes, straight male: albeit also a 100% in-the-closet crossdresser. And yet I was frequently read, commented on and/or hit on as if I were gay. So, something was leaking out in my otherwise ‘straight’ persona, but I could never put a finger on it. ‘Sissy’ didn’t seem to be a part of my small Midwest town’s vernacular but many shades on ‘gay’ certainly were. At the time (I'm Stana's age), in my area, being called gay may included being a sissy.
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