Monday, July 1, 2024

Is it safe?

I have been going out en femme for 55 years and I have always felt very safe doing so. In all that time, I only had one encounter in which I did not feel safe. 

After a support group meeting, a bunch of girls decided to go to a gay bar. I went along and did not enjoy the experience. It was dark and smoky (this was before all the smoking bans) and the gay clientele were not very sociable. The only thing going for it was its drag show, which indirectly turned out to be the source of my discomfort.

I was not having a good time and after one drink, I left the bar to walk to my car which was parked a long, dark block away. As I exited the bar, a patron followed me. He had the impression that I was in the drag show and tried to engage me in conversation (and maybe more).

I ignored him and walked as fast as my stilettos would carry me. Half way to my car, my “admirer” abandoned pursuit and I made it to my car unharmed, but scared shitless!

In retrospect, I should have asked the bouncer to accompany me to my car, but who knew!

Except for that occurrence over 30 years ago, no one has bothered me. Sure I have gotten my share of strange or amused looks over the years, but nothing that shook my confidence and ruined my day.

However, these days, I feel less safe than in the past. There is an element of the civilian population that hate us and following the lead of certain politicians and religious zealots, they have no fear about calling us out and worse. 

As a result, I am more circumspective about where I go en femme. I am very aware of my surroundings and avoid places where I might find trouble. Luckily, my home state, Connecticut, is more open-minded than the average united state and so it goes.

Be safe out there!

Source: Ann Taylor
Wearing Ann Taylor

Stuart Kelsall femulating in an episode of British television's Ideal.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.
Thank you Rachel Williams for reminding me about this femulation.


  1. AnonymousJuly 01, 2024

    The above led me to this:

    1. AnonymousJuly 02, 2024

      A good one. Thanks.
      Angel Amore

  2. To enhance my safety, I think like a girl! When in an unfamiliar place, an indicator that I often use is whether there are women nearby alone. For example, if there are women walking along the street alone or inside the venue alone, then I can go there likewise alone, drab or femme, and be safe.

  3. AnonymousJuly 01, 2024

    Starting in the 90s and early 2000s, I ventured out as a trans woman. Back then, fear was my constant companion. I worried about being outed, harassed, or even arrested. But like many trans women, I discovered a surprising invisibility. Most people didn't seem to register I was transgender. Sure, at times, my presentation might have faltered, earning odd looks. Yet, generally, I was seen as a curiosity – a tall, somewhat unusual woman. Even when awkward, people assumed I was female.

    Fast forward to today, things are vastly different. The transgender community has become a political pawn, targeted by the right wing with hate. This shift has brought back that initial fear. While I'm fortunate to live near the accepting city of Boston, venturing out still carries a sense of trepidation. Paula G

  4. The "worst" that happened to me was just yesterday -- at McD's I asked the young gal at the counter for the bathroom door code and she asked, "Which one?"
    I guess I've been fortunate over the last 45 years.

    1. If those restrooms are single occupant ones, "one holers", what difference does it make?

    2. I guess that's part of the issue - they were double occupancy rooms

  5. I have had no problems with presenting en femme in the DFW area of Texas. That includes church which is not into LGB+++ ideas, shopping, doctor appointments, and talking to tradesmen. And I use my real masculine name of John and speak with my normal masculine bass voice. I do have hair below shoulder length and a bust.
    I have not worn trousers for over a month as I prefer to wear dresses.


  6. AnonymousJuly 01, 2024

    I'm amazed that nobody suggests carrying some form of protection.

  7. AnonymousJuly 01, 2024

    In todays world …I am very alert and careful in both of my worlds

  8. You know, it's not just transwomen that sometimes deal with too-ardent admirers... you saw something a lot of ciswomen deal with. Part of being a woman?