Thursday, October 1, 2020

My First Time Out

My first time out
Not counting Halloween, my first time out en femme was to attend a support group meeting 30 years ago Wednesday. I dressed at home and drove 25 miles to the group’s meeting hall west of Hartford.

I was nervous driving en femme and stuck to the speed limits the whole 25 miles. I found the meeting hall, parked in the hall’s driveway and sat in my car trying to find the courage to get out of the car and go inside the hall.

Sitting in the car, I noticed a number of tall women entering the hall. They seemed innocent enough (no whips, chains or leather body suits), so I got out of the car and went inside.

There were about 20 attendees and I was the youngest. Most looked like men in dresses and were not fooling anybody; they did not even seem to be trying to fool anybody. One person came over, introduced herself and welcomed me to the group. The others did not engage me at all except to gawk at me.

I was still nervous and began sweating profusely. I looked around at the men in dresses and wondered if I looked like them. The thought disgusted me. 

“That’s not me,” I thought and after 30 minutes, I left and drove home.

It was not a very auspicious first time out, but I came back, kept coming back and became a cog in the support group’s machinery, editing the group’s newsletter and organizing its annual banquet among other things.

And so it goes.

Wearing Venus
Wearing Venus

Ed Wood femulating in the 1953 film Glen or Glenda
Ed Wood femulating in the 1953 film Glen or Glenda.
You can view the film on YouTube.


  1. The first support group I attempted to attend didn't go as well as yours! I had been writing to the gal who organized it. It was a casual get together/meeting at an off of the beaten path pub. I got up the courage to get dressed and drive over. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a small group of men hanging out by the main entrance (the meeting was upstairs, but downstairs was a comedy club). Among the "hangers" was a friend of mine - or should I say a friend of my male self. I sat in the car for 10 minutes - they didn't leave - so I did. Drove home and never attempted anything like that again. (sigh)

  2. A journey of a thousand miles begins with that first, very scary step outside of your house, while dressed....

  3. So many of us have a similar story. I waited until I moved to Baltimore 22+ years ago for my "debut". I found a group, contacted them by EMail and then had a couple phone conversations with their coordinator before going to a meeting. My going out timing was good because it was the height of winter and it got dark early. I live in a row house and my neighbors and I easily see each other.

    When I got to the meeting place I managed to park on the street about 25 yards from the front door. I stayed in my car for a LONG time. Like Stana, I saw a couple tall/large ladies go into the building before I headed in. That 25 yards seemed like a quarter mile and I was sure everyone in Baltimore was watching me. Not true, of course.

    Once in I saw Lots of men in dresses and some passable ladies, some of which were highly passable. My contact, Tacy Renta, was a TG woman who was very passable to "civilians" until you heard her voice. Our sharp eyes can usually spot fellow members of our community. I got over my discomfort and stayed for the full meeting. Then I went out with some of the girls to a straight bar for something to eat and then to a club to watch a drag show. Amazing how open I felt with "birds of a feather". It was an amazing and liberating night for me. But it would be a long time before I felt comfortable enough to venture out by myself. And I still look like a man in a dress, but now one who is comfortable and confident in his/her own skin.

    In an ugly postscript, I mentioned Tacy's name for a reason. About 1 1/2 years after meeting her she was brutally murdered by a car full of thugs who had been on an all day crime spree around town -- for her "crime" of being a transgendered woman. And that's not my interpretation, the murderers said that's why they did it, as if their crime was somehow justified. Tacy's murder became a really big deal in Baltimore and I think the turning point in our acceptance of people in our community. She didn't die in vain, but it shouldn't have taken that to get Baltimore's attention. We still feel her loss.

  4. You look FABULOUS for your first time out!😍 I wish I had your talent...😞

  5. You looked good then, and now, thirty years later, you look even better!