Monday, June 18, 2018


After yet another complaint about clip-on earrings, Robin wrote urging me to get my ears pierced. She mentioned that if the pain of getting my ears pieced was the issue, I had nothing to fear but ear fear itself, because the pain "was nothing."

I replied that I usually get my teeth fixed without Novocain or whatever they use these days, so pain is not an issue. Rather, my spouse is the issue.

She is not thrilled with the fact that her husband is a woman, but she realizes that I must let my girl out for air once in awhile. I appreciate that she is OK with me being the authentic me some of the time, but I don't want to rub her nose in it.

Everyday, she sees signs that remind her that her husband is a woman.

We share a walk-in closet and as she enters it, she encounters a rack now half full of her husband's dresses, skirts, blouses, and slacks. On the floor below those pretty things are countless boxes containing her husband's high heels. Next to the shoes are storage totes containing her husband's lingerie and hosiery. Next to the totes is her husband's cosmetics box. Still other totes contain her husband's jewelry and purses. And on the shelf above her tops and jeans is a tote containing her husband's wigs.

If I dress as a woman when my spouse is home, I avoid my spouse so that she does not see her husband as a woman because she has often said, "I don't want to see you dressed as a woman." (On occasion, curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to see how I look, but I don't show her unless she is interested.)

My body has signs that may remind her that I am a woman. My hairless arms, legs, breasts, shoulders and back are the most obvious signs.

Less obvious are my neatly maintained eyebrows (eyeglasses hide how neat and feminine they actually look).

She never mentions the stuff in our closet, nor my shaved body, nor my feminized eyebrows – out of sight, out of mind.

But if I had my ears pierced, there would be no way to hide that from her. It would be a constant reminder that I am a woman, so I let it be.

Source: Bebe
Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Fran Heuser
Fran Heuser


  1. Maybe if you did not say you are a woman things would be less irritating to your wife. I am on estrogen and developed a DD cup size and my hair is down to my shoulder blades. I also wear dresses around the house. But there are things I avoid: 1. Calling myself a woman. I am a man. 2. Taking on a feminine name. My name is John all the time. 3.Try to sound like a woman when I speak. I have a bass singing voice.

    1. 1. I never told my wife I was a woman. 2. I never told my wife my feminine name. 3. I never try to sound like a woman when I speak to my wife (or anyone else for that matter).

  2. I am also in sync with the three rules you and John mention. We do need to walk gingerly on you high heels and gauge the tolerance level of our wife.

  3. Hi Stana - many men wear ear-rings (and have other piercings too for that matter). Just wear studs?


  4. I got my first piercing (left earlobe), when I was 18. I had proven with my girlfriend, that I am "normal" and it was also some kind of revolution vs. my parents. But for wearing earrings on both earlobes (en femme) I still had to use clip-ons.
    When I became a father at 31, I had shown another proof, that I am "straight", so I decided, to get my other earlobe pierced too.
    I am happy, that I have no more limitation by selecting earrings.
    And today blinking studs on both earlobes are no longer "typical female". And when I see people with big flesh tunnels - nowaday my tiny piercings seems to be more "narrow minded" than part of a revolution.
    So - do not count it as "female"! Men can wear jewelry, skirts, heels - even without make-up and without looking "typically female".
    Sometimes it needs more courage to wear those things - without stepping (hiding) behind the "female mask".
    And as long as you do not have a boss (anymore) who might say "You must not wear piercings at work." - you are more free to do it!

  5. Sally StoneJune 19, 2018

    Clearly Stana, ear piercing is a personal choice, so it only matters what you think. I do not have pierced ears either, and I don't feel it makes me any less feminine. I think ultimately, my decision not to pierce has more to do with my own comfort level then anything else. After all, I present as male 85% of the time, and having pierced ears would make me self conscious. Bottom line, pierced ears aren't going to change the way I feel inside, so I don't feel compelled to make that choice.