Friday, June 15, 2018

Missions Accomplished

I won't mention names, but somebody in this house uses too much toilet paper and occasionally, the downstairs toilet gets blocked. Usually, a few plunges with a plumber's friend clears the problem, but Wednesday's situation was more serious and there was no movement even after I took 30 or 40 deep plunges.

Next, I boiled a pot of water and added that to the mix, but it did not help. I added two more pots of boiling water and let simmer while I made myself a cup of coffee.

Our six-months-old Keurig machine was on the fritz and I had to push the "make a cup of coffee" button three times before I actually got a full cup of coffee. And it took forever to accomplish that feat.

This was our fifth Keurig and I recognized the signs of a dying Keurig. I am a little, but not much wiser, so last time I bought a new Keurig, I paid Uncle Wally an extra $6 for the extended service contract.

While the hot water was brewing in our toilet bowl, I contacted Uncle to put in a claim for our dying Keurig machine, but lo and behold, Uncle Wally told me to contact Keurig since the machine was still under the factory warranty.

After I rolled my eyes, I dialed up Keurig and a very polite fellow listened to my sad story and told me he would ship me a brand new Keurig machine to replace my dying machine. Mission accomplished!

Back to the toilet bowl, the hot water did not seem to make much of a difference as I got the same results plunging hot water as I did plunging cold water.

As a veteran of the toilet bowl wars, I remembered something that worked before and I asked my spouse to flush the upstairs toilet bowl. She did and that did the trick – the upstairs flush cleared the downstairs blockage. Another mission accomplished!

Now all I had to do is wait a few days for a new Keurig machine. I had asked the Keurig service rep where my machine was coming from so I could estimate when it would be delivered. He admitted that he did not know because they have warehouses across the country. So I would just have to keep my panties on and wait patiently. Surprisingly, FedEx delivered a new Keurig machine the very next day.

Sometimes, life is good!

Source: Bebe
Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Fred Armisen
Fred Armisen femulates often in television's Portlandia.


  1. Something you might want to keep on hand:

    Cobra 1/4-in x 20-ft Music Wire Drain Auger
    Lowes Item # 347512 Model # 85200-6

    I got the item (plumber's snake) to clear out a washing machine drain. It worked like a champ and it was only about $20.

  2. AnonymousJune 15, 2018

    Somehow, by the Grace of Poseidon, and the grace of Pluto, you did not FLOOD YOUR LOWER FLOOR, when the UPSTAIRS Toilet unleashed its watery load. It really depends on how and where (and what) the plug is. I would bet your downstairs toilet was on a 'branch line' to the main main line. The plug was probably in the branch line, not the main line, below the branch line. When you flushed the upstairs toilet, that water passed the branch line and set-up a suction and helped cleared the branch. Had the main line been plugged, you would have been 'bailing' not writing 'F' today. If your downstairs toilet line is on the same line with the kitchen sink, grease build up was the possible culprit, and you got REALLY LUCKY. No grease, oil, oily paper towel down the drain, EVER, it is what the Roto-Rooter guy lives for.
    My own bad experience, seeing 'dookey' floating up into the shower drain is not a site for the squeamish. In the end a plumber had to get in the crawlspace, and open the emergency drain trap in the dead of winter. NOT PRETTY. NOT CHEAP. Velma

  3. Whenever I'm handed little 'fails' like that, I feel bad for people with REAL problems that can't be fixed with a call to the plumber or some time off or whatever my problem is.

    Life is good.

  4. I'll second the recommendation on a toilet snake. Home Depot's is better than Lowes.

    I've never used the auger version. I buy the one that kinda looks like a horse whip with the long tube and rubber-coated "hook" that guides the snake past the visible porcelain.

    The snake should be around $25. The labor on the work from a plumber would be a $100 visit.