Thursday, May 28, 2015


I am participating in Trans*forming the Dialogue, Simmons College’s Online MSW Program’s campaign to promote an educational conversation about the transgender community. By participating in this campaign, I will be offering my perspective on what TO ask and what NOT to ask trans*people.

So, what are the do's and don't's when asking a trans person about their experiences?

My Golden Rule is do not ask a trans person any questions about their transness until you ask the following question and receive a positive answer: Do you want to talk about being trans?" 

No other questions should be considered until the trans person agrees to talk about it.

If the trans person does not want to talk about it, then do not pursue it and let them be. On the other hand, if the trans person gives you the go-ahead, they are still within their rights to refuse to answer any question for whatever reason.

Personally, I love to talk about being trans. I have even been known to ask civilians who seem hesitant or too polite to ask if they want to hear about my transness.

Being trans still fascinates me 50 years after trying on my first pair of heels. I love to talk about my trials and tribulations, my amusing experiences, my affirming experiences, my hits, runs and errors and my natural, no hormone, no surgery B-cups (LOL)!

Although I am willing to talk about being trans, I do reserve the right to not answer a question, but I have yet to ever invoke that option. So, ask away.

Source: Vogue
Street style, Cannes, May 2015

Source: Pinterest
Womanless Beauty Pageant Contestant Number 4


  1. When asked I am more than happy to answer any question, after all I am one of my own favorite subjects!

  2. AnonymousMay 28, 2015

    Just don't ask the bathroom question !!

  3. So really what I gathered from this is that the trans women really should be treated exactly like every genetic female in that one should always test the water before advancing into more personal , or intimate conversation. I have found in my personal transistioning experience that the less testosterone my body makes the more appropriate I develop into a more well rounded women and therefore only talk about my personal stuff or talk about anothers personal things if I have developed a friendship with them. From my perspective to gain respect for the trans population the focus needs to be emphasized that A women should not be asked about how it feels to be a female and therefore the transgender women should not be targeted as a second class women to be examined in a different light than a genetic women . Please feel free to respond to this if I am perhaps overlooking something but I simply have convinced myself that if a trans women is to incorporate the rigorous disciplines of a women then we should be respected as a women and contribute toward the construction of respect for women in a male dominated world and not create an opportunity to bring a more complicated array of questioning to the arena of feminine composition considering that the male dominated world can't understand these things anyway most of the time. Perhaps I am a little over guarded still but that's just how I see it right now. lol xxx :]

  4. Sally StoneMay 28, 2015

    Engaging in conversations about being trans can we a wonderful way of doing outreach. I have several one on one conversations with people and the discussion generally enlightens them to what we are all about. Consequently, I like to casually converse about my "transness" whenever I get the opportunity.



  5. It seems that I am always ready, willing and able to discuss, write about (comment) or pass along infomrmation on T issues. I suspect the same is true for you in that communicating our T issues and discussion of T topics is very affirming of who and what we are.

  6. When my husband transitioned from male to female over the last couple of years, we had to come out to a lot of people. Family, co-workers, community, etc. and in doing so, we opened every conversation with "Do not be afraid to ask any question". We were talking to people that didn't understand transgenderism and they weren't sure what to ask at first. This gave them permission to not ask the "wrong" questions