Wednesday, September 3, 2008

finding my voice

I am easily distracted by thoughts of Fantasia Fair and the opportunity of being en femme 24/7 for seven days and nights.

The longest I have been en femme without a break was during the IFGE Convention in 2004. I arrived at the convention hotel late Wednesday afternoon, dressed female to attend a welcome cocktail party, and remained in female garb until the end of the banquet on Saturday night. So, the extent of my longest stretch en femme was about 3¼ days or 24/3.25. At Fantasia Fair, I will be en femme twice as long.

Back in 2004, I was not out and about. Support group meetings and organized support group outings were the extent of my en femme outings and I recall that during the first days of the convention, I refused to leave my hotel room unless accompanied by my roommate despite the fact that the whole hotel was full of trans-brothers and sisters.

As the convention progressed, I gained confidence and began moving throughout the hotel without requiring my roommate at my side. I had so much confidence that I even ventured outside the hotel to experience being en femme in the fresh air and I began speaking to "civilians" and not limiting my conversation to the other convention attendees.

By the convention's end, I felt that I had made a lot of progress. Today, I realize that the only progress I made during that long weekend was feeling comfortable and confident inside a very large closet.

Since then, I have made much more progress. I go out in public en femme and feel comfortable and confident during my outings most of the time. My "closet" now encompasses the world. Maybe not the whole world, but I consider that part of the world where I venture in boy mode as a safe place for me in girl mode, too.

So, going to Fantasia Fair, I am very comfy about being out and don't expect much personal growth in that area. However, one of my goals for personal growth is to find my female voice and I think that Fantasia Fair will offer an opportunity to achieve this goal by means of Lezli Whitehouse's workshop, "Introduction to Voice Transitional or Shifting Safely."

Here is the workshop description from the Fantasia Fair Web site:

"Add to your flexibility and vocal resilience as you would add to your wardrobe. Voices are very flexible, yet need to be understood in order to not cause damage. They need to be exercised shaped and monitored in order to create a shift, safely. This should be done with little stress and careful attention in order to create lasting habits that will take you where you want to go. This can happen with time, focus and some simple techniques to allow your inner voice to become more public and more confident. Your voice is what sets the tone for "who you are presenting" to the world. Even if you don't want to shift for a life time transition, why not put on the voice to match the rhinestone earrings, not the cowboy voice? Come explore your vocal possibilities. Lezli will guide and lead you through an exploration of the resonance, variety, musicality and soft-strength that is your Voice. As an extension of her workshops, Lezli is offering two additional mornings of Guided Warm-Ups, for those who want to maintain or nurture a feminine voice shift for the day or the week."

Sounds perfect! And I hope I will perfect a lady's voice by the week's end.


  1. Afterward, TELL us how it went. That would be the first podcast I listen to.

  2. I am still wary of going out as I have been out in public only once and that was in Germany. I was en femme and drove to a distant town where I had lived previously and actually walked around the marktplatz. It was exciting in heels and clothing but still was scared in a feminine kind of way. I have only recently ventured out in the states and only my driveway.

  3. Cathy --- Maybe you should attend an event like Fantasia Fair, First Event, Be-All, Southern Comfort, etc., to help you work your way from a small closet to a bigger closet and eventually, out of the closet.