my own roller coaster ride

I received the following e-mail today:

Do you have an opinion on going to therapy as a way of resolving CD/TG issues? I sometimes think there should be a conclusion to my feelings and frustrations. You seem to have reached a steady state, which I haven't reached. I can't see a happy medium.

Here is my response:

My life is a roller coaster ride as it relates to my transgenderism. Some days, I want to chuck it all, throw out my girl wardrobe and swear off crossdressing for the rest of my life. Other days, I want to pack up the car with my girl wardrobe, runaway from home, and live full-time as a woman in some other part of the country. Most days, I am somewhere in between.

Now that I am older and wiser, I know the first option is a big mistake because in the past, I have purged and sworn off crossdressing, but sooner or later, I come back crossdressing more passionately than ever. So, when those purging thoughts come my way, I ignore them because I know they will go away sooner or later.

In fact, I woke up this morning in a purging/swearing-off frame of mind. Then I start reading my e-mail and find an e-mail from Newport-News in my in-box. It is for a spring clearance sale. I go to the Newport-News web site to see what is on sale and I see a suit that I have had my eye on at one-third off the list price. Next thing you know, I'm ordering the suit and purging is the farthest thing from my mind.

My roller coaster ride has a lot to do with my wife. She is not very supportive and to keep the peace, I don't crossdress as much as I would like. I think if she were supportive, my life might be more like a Sunday ride in the park instead of a roller coaster ride.

I cannot give you my opinion on whether therapy would help or not because I have never been in therapy. I seem to be in the minority because most T-people I know have been in therapy for their T-issues. Some claim that therapy has helped. Your mileage may vary.

You wrote that I "seem to have reached a steady state." I think it appears that I have reached a steady state because I have resigned myself to my situation and try to emphasize the positives, rather than the negatives to make my ride as comfortable as possible.