Dressing Daddy

Wearing Shein

Maurycy Popiel femulating Blondie on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Passing Is Nice, But Living Is Better

When I first began going out en femme, passing seemed like the most important thing in the world.

I studied every person who looked in my direction. Did that woman stare a second too long? Were those teenagers laughing at me? Did the sales associate call me “Ma’am” because she saw a woman or was she simply being polite?

Every glance became a reading on my imaginary passing meter.

The trouble is that the passing meter is notoriously unreliable. Unless someone tells you what they think—and people occasionally have told me that I pass—you really do not know how they see you. A smile may be approval, recognition or nothing more than a friendly smile. A laugh across the room probably has nothing to do with you, although an anxious crossdresser can easily assume otherwise.

So we do the best we can. We work on our makeup, clothing, hair, voice and mannerisms. We learn what flatters us and what should remain on the store rack. We practice walking in heels until it no longer resembles a circus act.

Practice, practice, practice.

All that effort is worthwhile. Looking our best gives us confidence and confidence can do more for our presentation than the most expensive dress in the closet. But eventually, something else begins to happen: we stop thinking so much about passing and start thinking about living.

Instead of wondering whether the waitress read us, we enjoy the meal.

Instead of studying the other shoppers for signs of suspicion, we browse the racks.

Instead of worrying about how we look walking through the mall, we notice a handbag in a store window that would be perfect with our new shoes.

That is when femulating becomes fun.

I still want to look as feminine as possible. I have not abandoned my standards and I certainly have not thrown away my makeup mirror. I enjoy putting together an outfit, applying my makeup and seeing the woman in the mirror emerge. Being called “Ma’am” or, better yet, “Miss” still puts a smile on my face.

But I no longer need every stranger to confirm that I belong there.

The real victory is not convincing every person we meet that we were born female. The real victory is becoming comfortable enough to go where we want, do what we want and enjoy the experience without constantly imagining that we are under examination.

Most civilians are occupied with their own lives. They are thinking about what to make for dinner, where they parked the car or why the checkout line is moving so slowly. We may feel as if a spotlight follows us everywhere, but usually we are only another person going about our business.

And if someone does recognize that we are crossdressing? The world usually keeps turning.

Passing is nice. Compliments are wonderful. Being accepted and treated as a woman can make an outing especially rewarding. But none of those things should be requirements for enjoying life en femme.

There comes a time to stop checking the passing meter, put it back in your handbag and simply enjoy being yourself.

After all, we did not leave the closet merely to find another place to hide.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Stephen Dorff femulating in the 1996 film I Shot Andy Warhol.

That Moment

I have been femulating for most of my life. As a result, I know how to look and act like a woman. Practice makes perfect.

I assume that sometimes I pass and sometimes I don’t. Unless someone tells me that I pass—which has happened occasionally—how can I know what others think of my presentation? I can’t, so I simply do my best and hope for the best.

Regardless of how others see me, I am satisfied with how I see myself. I have shed my masculinity and embraced my femininity. That isn’t too difficult, since most people see me as a feminine guy, which gives me a head start.

Despite my ability to femulate, I sometimes wonder, “Who am I kidding? I’m not a woman. I’m just another guy who likes to crossdress.”

Then something happens that makes me feel I am not femulating at all. At that moment, I feel that I really am a woman.

I experienced such a moment years ago while attending an IFGE convention in Philadelphia.

At the convention, I attended a presentation by the mother of a young trans girl. Her daughter was very young—still in the single digits.

I have no idea why I chose that presentation. I was not the parent of a trans child. My guess is that none of the other presentations in that time slot interested me, so what the heck?

The mother entered the room with her daughter in tow, walked to the dais and prepared to begin her talk. Meanwhile, she directed her daughter to find a seat in the audience.

The room was nearly full, with more than 100 people in attendance. The girl looked a little lost as she walked up the aisle searching for a seat.

I had an aisle seat. When she reached me, she gave me a big smile and asked me to pick her up so she could sit on my lap!

I was speechless.

She sat on my lap for the entire 45-minute presentation. She was perfectly behaved—a real little lady—and afterward, her mother thanked me for “babysitting.”

I don’t know why her daughter chose me over everyone else in that room, which included cisgender women as well as the male-to-female majority.

Whatever the reason, I passed with motherly colors!

Outfoxing Fox

Friday, I wrote about the problem accessing this blog using Firefox. The fix is on my to-do list. Meanwhile, an anonymous reader described a workaround. It worked for anonymous and should work for other Firefox users. It requires modifying a Firefox setting, as follows: Firefox Settings > Privacy and Security > DNS over HTTPS - advanced settings > Manage exceptions > add: femulate.org. Then quit Firefox and restart it for the change to take effect.

Wearing Shein

 

Marius Goring femulating in French television’s The O Agency Files:

The Old Ladies Club. 

Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Stuff 132: Makeover

By JJ Atwell

Looking Better

Wearing makeup is a fact of life for many women. They learn how to use it at an early age and continually refine their look with different products and colors. Some go for a dramatic look. Others just want to enhance their natural beauty. How they accomplish this differs with every face. Some women eventually tire of the hassle and simply go au naturel.

As crossdressers, we rarely have the option of skipping makeup when going out in public. We also tend to lack experience applying it. Instead, we begin our crossdressing journey from essentially zero.

During scattered moments, we start slathering our faces with unfamiliar products. Predictably, our first attempt yields poor results—and probably the next few attempts as well. We watch endless videos featuring people with different facial features, sometimes leading to even more setbacks. Yet we keep trying and gradually improve as we discover what works for us.

Still, there is always room for improvement. Where might we find it?

Are You Satisfied?

Imagine spending an hour refining your appearance before heading out. You deliberate over your eyes and wonder whether your brows look good or your eyeliner is straight. Returning to the mirror, you examine yourself yet again. Did you choose the right shade of foundation? Is the blush too heavy or placed too low on your cheekbones?

So many questions and doubts. What should you do?

Fortunately, experts are available for in-person consultations about your features. In my world, they reside in an exotic place called Sephora, conveniently located just a few miles away.

Yet entering this mysterious place can feel daunting. Am I really doing this in broad daylight? How do I get there without being noticed? What if someone speaks to me? Gasp!

OK, that’s a bit over the top. Let’s return to the real world.

The people who work in these magical places—whether Sephora, MAC, Ulta or even a department store—are there to help you look your best. To them, it doesn’t matter whether you are a guy, a girl or have yet to make up your mind. All they see is somebody they can help—and, yes, a potential sale. Your money is just as good as a woman’s, and they are quite aware of that fact.

Dip Your Toe in the Water

Considering a visit to one of these establishments? You need not plunge into the deep end. One day, take a breath and simply walk in.

A greeter will likely meet you at the door. Just explain that you need a moisturizer for daily use. She will arrange for someone to help you choose a suitable product. At that point, you might mention that you also need a foundation match. This offers a natural opening to share that you dress and you will likely find them eager to assist.

Remember the name of the person who helped you and look for them on subsequent visits. Let them know how the product worked for you and ask for help with something else. Perhaps you need blush, an eyebrow pencil or eye shadow.

You’ll find that you are greeted with a smile every time you stop in. Before you know it, you’ll feel comfortable in the store and can move on to even more exciting things—like makeovers.

Getting a Makeover

Before my club’s recent Girls’ Night Out, I decided to have a makeover at my local Sephora. I made an appointment online for a 60-minute beauty session, which cost $60. Some products, such as false eyelashes, cost extra. Please don’t forget to tip the makeup artist (MUA) at the end of the session.

How should you go? I went fully dressed but wore very little makeup—basically, just tinted moisturizer and lipstick. Oh, yes, I also wore oversized sunglasses. Going that way allows the makeup artist to coordinate your look with your outfit.

Upon entering, I was greeted warmly and explained that I was there for my appointment. The smile broadened,and I was escorted to the MUA’s lair.

Well, it wasn’t actually a lair. In fact, it was in the middle of the store and quite open to everyone shopping there. While the MUA worked on me, several customers wandered by. I didn’t notice any particular reactions. Maybe I passed better than I thought.

But I digress…

The MUA sat me down at her station and asked what kind of look I wanted. I was only interested in blending in, so I told her that I didn’t want anything over the top. She asked a few more questions and then got down to business.

An hour later, after many applications of various mysterious potions, I was able to see the results. Here are the before-and-after pictures. A dramatic difference, I’d say.

And here is the full-length look for those who are interested:

I’ll Be Back

The photo at the upper right of today’s Stuff is a stylized version of the “After” image created using ChatGPT.

Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Louis Mandylor femulating in a 1992 episode of television’s Down the Shore.

Happy Labor Day

Foxed

If you’re a Firefox user, you may have had trouble visiting Femulate lately. Depending on its security settings, Firefox may insist on an HTTPS connection, which Femulate currently lacks.

I remembered seeing an HTTPS option in my blog’s settings, so I sashayed over to investigate. Sure enough, there it was: “HTTPS availability.”

I clicked the gray button to enable it, expecting a simple fix.

Instead, Blogger informed me: “SAVE FAILED” and “You have not been authorized to use this domain. Please follow the settings instructions.”

I clicked RETRY, hoping Blogger might reconsider.

It did not.

I scratched my wig, trying to figure out what to do next.

Then I asked AI, which supplied a list of steps to solve the problem. With my painted fingers crossed, I started working through them.

Things broke down halfway through step two.

I decided to eat lunch.

Wearing Shein

Aleksandr Revva femulating in the Russian film Naughty Grandma.

Notes from the Fitting Room

Let me begin with a fact: I am a large person at 6 feet tall and 185 pounds.

My height, more than my weight, kept me closeted for a very long time. But when I finally began exploring my female persona in public, I discovered that my size was not a deal breaker.

Using changing rooms en femme was easy. Using them en homme was just as easy. I’ve lost count of how many times I tried on womenswear at Fashion Bug, Dress Barn, Fashion to Figure, Torrid and Macy’s during my lunch hour, all while disguised as a male.

I can recall only one “negative” experience. Years ago, while shopping for a girdle en homme at JCPenney, I asked to try it on. The saleswoman insisted that I use the men’s changing room. It was hardly a big deal, but it’s the only changing-room experience I can recall that had even a hint of negativity.

My dearly departed local Dress Barn stores had changing rooms scattered around the perimeter of the sales floor, as well as a changing area in the back. During my first few visits en homme, the staff directed me to the rooms in the back.

As I became a regular customer and the sales staff learned both my male and en femme names, I was invited to use the changing rooms along the sales floor.

That was especially delightful when I was en femme. I could step out and admire whatever I was trying on in the full-length, three-way mirrors outside the changing rooms. Doing so also invited comments from the sales staff and even other customers.

The sales staff usually liked what I was wearing—although the prospect of making a sale might have had something to do with that. But when a stranger liked what I was wearing, it was a home run.

And home was where I went, new dress in hand.

And so it goes.

Wearing Boston Proper

Brian Jones

The future is female on daytime television, too.

A Little Encouragement Goes a Long Way

Imagine a husband and wife browsing through a department store. He pauses beside a dress, admires the fabric, and starts to move along. She notices. “That color would look lovely on you,” she says. “Would you like to try it on?”

For a man who has quietly wondered what it would feel like to wear something feminine, that simple invitation could mean a great deal. Someone he loves has made room for a curiosity he may have struggled to put into words. Suddenly, a conversation that once seemed impossible can begin beside a rack of summer dresses.

Women who encourage their husbands or boyfriends to explore femininity can have all sorts of reasons. Some enjoy sharing an interest in clothes and beauty. Some find feminine men attractive. Others see how happy their partners become when they have the freedom to express themselves. There is room for affection, curiosity, and a little adventure in the same relationship.

The encouragement can be wonderfully ordinary. A wife might invite her husband to join her for a pedicure, help him choose a flattering blouse, or ask whether he would enjoy experimenting with makeup at home. The invitation gives him an opening. His answer sets the pace.

A sincere compliment can help, too. “That neckline suits you” or “You look happy in that outfit” offers something specific and kind. If he feels awkward, she can ask what would make him more comfortable. Perhaps he wants help with his lipstick. Perhaps he simply wants to sit beside her and discover that an evening together still feels like an evening together.

There can be plenty of fun along the way. Shopping becomes a shared expedition. Getting ready for dinner becomes an exchange of opinions about earrings, shoes, and whether a jacket works with a dress. He may discover that the question “Which handbag?” can require serious deliberation. She may discover that her husband has surprisingly definite opinions about necklines.

Of course, a supportive woman need not become a full-time stylist. He can learn to apply his own makeup, find clothes that fit, and develop his own taste. Buying a few things of his own also avoids the delicate conversation that begins, “Have you seen my favorite cardigan?” Borrowing still requires asking, even when two wardrobes suddenly have more in common.

Exploration can take many forms. One man may enjoy nail polish and a softer hairstyle. Another may love dresses, hosiery, heels, and the experience of presenting fully en femme. Someone else may discover that a single afternoon of experimentation satisfies his curiosity. There is no required destination, and a change in clothing does not dictate how someone must describe his identity or sexuality.

The most helpful encouragement leaves room for honest answers from both people. He should be able to say, “I would love to try that,” “I am nervous,” or “That is not for me.” She should have the same freedom to express enthusiasm, uncertainty, and preferences. Talking about spending, privacy, and what they would enjoy doing together helps keep the experience comfortable for both.

It also helps to keep expectations human. A dress cannot do the work of listening, sharing responsibilities, or treating a partner considerately. Those qualities deserve attention whatever either person is wearing. Feminine expression can add pleasure and discovery to a relationship while the everyday work of being good to one another continues.

Perhaps the loveliest possibility is the ease that comes with feeling welcome. A man who has been anxious about revealing this interest may find enormous comfort in being asked what he likes. His partner gets to know something more about him, and he gets to share a pleasure with someone whose company he already treasures.

For a couple who enjoy it, exploring his feminine side can become another part of their life together: a salon appointment, an afternoon shopping, a quiet evening trying something new. A little encouragement gives them somewhere to begin.

And occasionally, it gives her a perfectly reasonable excuse to say, “We should go shopping. You need shoes to go with that.”

Wearing Venus

Crossdressed husband and wife, circa 1930.