Shopping Without an Alibi

How common is it for males to shop for womenswear for themselves—and be perfectly blatant about it?

Probably more common than most people realize, although an accurate number would be almost impossible to determine. Clothing stores do not record whether the man buying a dress intends to wear it himself, give it to his wife or return it after discovering that a size 12 in one brand is apparently a size 8, 10 or 14 in every other brand.

Some male shoppers are crossdressers. Others are transgender women shopping before they feel comfortable presenting publicly as women. Some simply prefer certain women’s garments, shoes or accessories. Whatever the reason, men browsing the women’s department are no longer as unusual as they once were.

That does not mean every man is blatant about it.

The Usual Alibis

For years, the traditional explanation was, “It’s for my wife.”

That excuse can work when buying a blouse or a handbag, but it begins to collapse when the shopper knows the desired size, color, heel height and hosiery shade better than the saleswoman does.

Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries also provide convenient cover. Halloween may be the greatest excuse of all because it permits a man to buy almost anything without attracting much attention.

I briefly used the Halloween excuse myself. Eventually, however, I stopped bothering. If a saleswoman asked whether I was buying something as a gift, I simply told her that it was for me.

Her initial reaction was often interesting, but it was seldom negative. Surprise usually gave way to curiosity, helpfulness and business as usual. After all, a sale is a sale, and commission does not care who wears the merchandise.

Blatant or Merely Honest?

There are different degrees of openness.

At the cautious end is the man who slips into the women’s department, grabs the first likely garment and pays for it without making eye contact. At the other end is the man who browses carefully, compares colors, checks labels, asks questions and announces, “I’m looking for a skirt for myself.”

Some go even further and ask to use the ladies’ fitting room while presenting as male. Store policies vary, but many sales associates will simply direct the customer to an available fitting room. A private changing cubicle is, after all, a private changing cubicle.

Shopping while already en femme eliminates much of the explaining. The saleswoman sees a female customer looking for female clothing and usually responds accordingly. During my shopping trips, I sometimes asked where the ladies’ dressing room was even when I already knew. Besides receiving directions, I also received confirmation that I was welcome to use it.

The more confidently and naturally I behaved, the more routinely I was treated.

Saleswomen Have Seen It Before

A crossdresser making a first nervous visit to the women’s department may feel as if a spotlight is following her around the store. In reality, the sales staff have probably encountered similar customers before.

Retail employees see an enormous variety of people and requests. A male customer buying a skirt is likely to be much more memorable to himself than to the clerk who rang up fifty other customers that day.

Some saleswomen are especially welcoming. They recognize that a crossdresser who feels comfortable in the store may become a loyal customer—and crossdressers can be enthusiastic customers. We do not merely need clothing. We may need shoes, hosiery, lingerie, jewelry, cosmetics and a handbag to carry the receipt.

Once a sales associate realizes that the shopper is serious, she may become an invaluable ally. She knows which styles run large, which dresses flatter a particular figure and which shoes are likely to become instruments of torture after twenty minutes.

The Internet Changed Everything

Online shopping made womenswear much easier to obtain privately. A man can browse, order and return clothing without ever explaining himself to another person.

That convenience may have reduced the number of visibly nervous male shoppers, but it has also helped many men become more knowledgeable and confident. After learning their sizes and discovering what looks good, some eventually venture into physical stores to see the colors, feel the fabrics and try things on.

I prefer shopping en femme because trying on clothing in a store is far easier than ordering several sizes and returning most of them. It is also more enjoyable. Shopping among other women, comparing bargains and receiving advice from a saleswoman is part of the female experience—not merely a way of acquiring another dress.

Most People Are Not Watching

The greatest obstacle is usually not the store, the sales staff or the other customers. It is the fear inside the shopper’s own head.

We imagine that everyone is studying what we carry. Usually they are thinking about their own shopping, their own schedules and whether the checkout line beside them is moving faster.

A man openly examining a rack of dresses may attract an occasional glance. A man holding a dress against himself or asking for a fitting room may attract two glances. Then the observers return to their phones or their search for a blouse that supposedly exists in their size.

So, how common is blatant shopping for oneself?

Common enough that most experienced sales associates will not be shocked, but uncommon enough that a shopper may still be noticed. Being noticed, however, is not the same as being ridiculed or rejected.

If you act as if you belong there, most people will assume that you do. And you do belong there—you are a customer.

The simplest shopping explanation may also be the most liberating:

“It’s for me.”

Wearing Stylewe

Femulating Frances Fryer in a 2010 stage production of Calamity Jane.

Summer of ’68

The following is a repeat of a post from January 2022 with an important update added at the end.

A Year Among the Girls by Darrell G. Raynor documented a novice crossdresser’s experience at a crossdresser B&B in the Poconos in the mid-1960s.

When I read A Year Among the Girls in 1968, I was a high school senior trying to figure things out about my gender. The book did not help me figure things out, but it did make me aware that there were more guys dressing as girls than I had originally suspected. (I originally thought it was only me and my best friend Billy.)

The book was such an eye-opener for a young femulator like me. Back then, there was next to no information available on the subject unless you frequented the right (wrong) bookstores or received mail wrapped in plain brown paper. So I was amazed that there were adult males dressing up and socializing as women!

I read that book over and over again and it inspired me to keep on dressing. I would love to read it again, but over the years, it disappeared from my library... probably lost during a move.

If anyone has a copy of the book that they would like to dispose of or let me borrow, I would be eternally grateful.

UPDATE: I found the book online! Not only that, but I was able to download a copy for free and you can do the same by clicking this link on the Internet Archive.

Wearing Venus

Michael J. Fox femulating in the 1989 film Back to the Future Part II.

Stuff 130: Getting Out

Are You Sneaky?

By J. J. Atwell

One of my regular readers, Tia, suggested an interesting topic: how do you get out of the house en femme without tipping off the neighbors? Are you sneaky about it or do you simply walk out with your head held high?

I must admit that I have never had much trouble leaving my house while dressed. But that won’t stop me from writing about the subject anyway!

It Depends on Your Situation

The answer obviously depends on your living situation. If you are out to anyone who might see you leaving, you can simply walk out wearing all your feminine finery. Perhaps your home is situated so that the neighbors cannot easily see who comes and goes.

Others may need to be more discreet. If you live in an apartment, condominium, mobile home park or another densely populated setting, your neighbors may see you coming and going regularly. That presents an entirely different challenge.

Sneaky Ways to Get Out

If you must be careful, you have a few options.

Perhaps the easiest—but most expensive—is to stay at a hotel for the night. Pack everything in a suitcase and check in as your male self. Then change in your room before heading out en femme.

There can still be a few tense moments. The front-desk staff or other guests might see you coming and going. You may even have to share an elevator ride, which could put the quality of your femulation to the test!

Another method is to get mostly dressed at home, then cover everything with loose-fitting male clothing. Carry your wig and makeup in a bag, put on a hat and sunglasses and hurry to your car. Drive somewhere private or secluded where you can complete your transformation.

It may be a little nerve-racking, but it gets the job done.

Or you could simply take a deep breath, hold your head high and walk confidently out the front door. After all, neighbors usually have far less interest in our comings and goings than we imagine.

I’ll Be Back

How do you get out of the house en femme? Do you sneak out unnoticed, use a clever strategy or simply walk out as if it were the most natural thing in the world?

Comments are welcome here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.

Wearing Elágia

William Bendix (center) and other fellows femulating in the 1948 film Abroad With Two Yanks.

Crossdressed for Success

Four for Friday

Wearing Miraclesuit

Alan Sues femulating in a 1967 episode of television's Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In.

Three for Thursday

Wearing Shein

Rufus Beck and Monty Arnold femulating in the 1994 German film Maybe Maybe Not (Der bewegte Mann).

When Nature Calls En Femme

One of the most anxiety-provoking moments for a crossdresser going out in public occurs when nature calls.

Which restroom should I use?

For many of us, the answer seems obvious. If I am presenting as a woman, walking into the men’s room wearing a dress, heels, makeup and carrying a handbag would be awkward for me and probably startling for the men inside. The women’s restroom is usually the more natural and less disruptive choice.

Still, opening that door for the first time can require nearly as much courage as leaving the house en femme.

I remember worrying that every woman in the restroom would immediately inspect me, sound an alarm and summon security. In reality, women generally enter a restroom for the same reason I do: to use the facilities, check the mirror, wash their hands and return to whatever they were doing. Most are far more concerned with their own business than with mine.

The best approach is to behave as any considerate woman would. Enter quietly, use a stall, leave it tidy, wash your hands and avoid lingering unnecessarily. A quick lipstick check at the mirror is perfectly ordinary. Turning the restroom into a photography studio or a place to adjust an entire outfit is not.

Discretion is especially important. A restroom is a private space, so never photograph or record anyone there. Avoid staring, initiating overly familiar conversations, or doing anything that might make another person uncomfortable. Good manners and quiet confidence go a long way.

However, if a woman begins a friendly conversation with you, respond naturally—ignoring her might seem rude or attract unnecessary attention. Use your most ladylike voice, enjoy the exchange, and take quiet satisfaction in being accepted as just another woman.

Whenever possible, I prefer a single-user or family restroom. It eliminates nearly all the uncertainty and is often more comfortable for everyone. Shopping centers, libraries, hospitals and larger restaurants increasingly provide such facilities, although they are not always easy to locate.

Local laws and establishment policies can vary, so it is wise to know the rules where you are going. If an employee directs you to a particular facility, remain calm and courteous. Arguing in a restroom doorway is unlikely to improve anyone’s day. Safety and common sense should always come first.

Presentation can also affect the experience—not because anyone should have to “pass” to use a restroom, but because a consistent presentation creates less confusion. If the rest of the world is seeing you as a woman, suddenly entering the men’s room may attract far more attention than quietly using the women’s room.

The first visit will probably feel momentous. The tenth will feel less so. Eventually, it may become what it was all along: a routine stop during an otherwise enjoyable day out.

Use the appropriate facility, respect everyone’s privacy, mind your manners and get on with your day.

After all, a lady has places to go—and occasionally, she has to go!

Wearing Bebe

Til Schweiger femulating in the 2009 German film Rabbit Without Ears 2.
Click here to view this film on YouTube.

Why Do Crossdressers Like Short Skirts?

If you look through photographs of crossdressers, you may notice that short dresses and skirts appear often—sometimes very often. Not every crossdresser favors a high hemline, of course, but enough of us do that the question deserves an answer: Why?

The simplest answer may be the best one: If you have the legs, why hide them?

Many crossdressers consider their legs one of their best features. Men often have long, relatively slender legs, and hosiery and heels can make them look even better. A short skirt puts those assets on display. When someone has spent years worrying about broad shoulders, a square waist or other masculine features, discovering that she has a very attractive pair of legs can be a welcome confidence boost.

I know the feeling. My legs have received more compliments than any other part of my feminine presentation. My mother used to tell me that I should have been a girl with legs like mine. Other women, including my wife, have complimented them, too. After hearing that often enough, covering them with a floor-length skirt would almost seem ungrateful!

But showing off attractive legs is only part of the story.

Unmistakably Feminine

For many of us, a skirt represents femininity more powerfully than almost any other garment. A short skirt turns up the volume. It looks, moves and feels unlike anything traditionally found in a man's wardrobe.

That difference matters. Crossdressing is not merely about covering the body with women's clothing; it is also about experiencing femininity. The swish of a skirt, the feel of hosiery, the click of heels and the need to sit or bend gracefully all contribute to that experience. A shorter hem makes us especially aware of how we stand, walk and cross our legs. It encourages feminine movement and comportment.

In other words, we do not merely wear the skirt. We experience it.

Wearing the Dream

Many crossdressers first became fascinated with feminine fashion when skirts were shorter and women dressed more formally than they often do today. The styles that captured our imaginations during adolescence can remain powerful decades later.

When we finally have the confidence, privacy or opportunity to dress as we always wished, we may choose the clothes of that long-held dream: a pretty minidress, sheer hosiery and high heels. We are not necessarily trying to dress like the average woman at the supermarket. Sometimes we are dressing like the woman we imagined becoming.

That also explains why some older crossdressers resist the command to “dress your age.” If someone spent much of her life unable to wear the fashions she loved, she may not be eager to skip directly to the sensible-shoes department. There is an element of making up for lost time and enjoying every inch of it.

A Little Glamour and a Lot of Confidence

A short dress can make an ordinary outing feel special. Add flattering hosiery, a pair of heels, jewelry and a handbag, and the result may feel polished, glamorous and wonderfully complete.

Naturally, the appropriate hemline depends on where we are going. The dress that works beautifully at a party may be too short for the office, church or a quiet afternoon at the mall. Being feminine also means understanding the occasion. A confident femulator chooses her hemline instead of letting her hemline choose the kind of attention she receives.

Still, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a little attention. A sincere compliment can reassure us that the image in the mirror is not wishful thinking. When someone says, “You have beautiful legs,” it validates the care we put into our presentation and may give us the courage to venture out again.

The Right to Choose

Women have spent generations expanding their clothing choices. They may wear trousers, long skirts, short skirts or no skirt at all. Crossdressers should permit themselves the same freedom.

Some of us feel most feminine in a knee-length pencil skirt. Others prefer a flowing midi dress. And some feel their best in a hemline that is short, perhaps even scandalously short (“Stana Short”). None is inherently more authentic than another. Personal style should reflect our figure, destination, comfort and personality, not an arbitrary rule about what a crossdresser is supposed to wear.

So why do crossdressers like short dresses and skirts? Because they are feminine. Because they feel different. Because they recall fashions we have admired for years. Because they add glamour and encourage feminine movement. And, yes, because some of us have great legs and enjoy showing them.

That is reason enough for me.

How about you? Do you prefer your hemlines short, conservative or somewhere in between—and what influences your choice?

Wearing Elágia

David Shawn Michaels and Gary Busey femulating in the 1998 film Rough Draft.