What's Shaking?

About this time last year, I started noticing tremors in my right hand. At first, they were mild—easy to dismiss. But as the year went on, they became harder to ignore.

My people urged me to see my doctor. She referred me to a neurologist, who sent me through the full diagnostic gauntlet: a CAT scan, an MRI, and finally a DaTscan. The CAT scan and MRI ruled out brain cancer, which was a relief. The DaTscan, however, pointed clearly to Parkinson’s disease.

Bummer!

I spent the following week in a funk, waiting for my appointment with the neurologist to go over the results. It’s amazing how much space a diagnosis can take up in your head when you’re left alone with it.

The neurologist explained that the issue is diminishing dopamine in my brain and prescribed a medication to help replenish it and reduce the tremors. (I’m not a nurse—nor do I play one on television—so forgive the laywoman’s explanation.)

Oddly enough, I felt much better after that appointment. There was a plan. A next step. Now the prescription is in the hands of CVS, and I’m waiting for that familiar text telling me it’s ready for pickup.

As for the tremors themselves—they’re more annoying than anything else. Using a computer mouse becomes an adventure when they kick in. Writing with a pen or pencil turns instantly hieroglyphical. And doing my makeup? That’s a thrill ride all its own.

And so it goes.

Wearing Stylewe

David Gránský femulating Jennifer Lopez on Czech television’s version of Your Face Sounds Familiar.
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I’ve blogged before about the fear of coming out—both to a wife and to co-workers. The truth is, I never really “came out” in the traditional sense to either my wife or co-workers. My actions did that work for me. Those actions took the form of repeated Halloween costumes with a distinctly female theme.

After my wife saw me in a female costume three different times, she finally came right out and asked me if I was a crossdresser. I admitted that I was and life went on.

At work, my multiple “office girl” Halloween costumes led my co-workers to the same obvious conclusion. No one ever confronted me the way my wife did and for a long time I falsely assumed that no one had noticed or that no one had put the pieces together.

As I grew older and a bit wiser, I realized the more likely explanation: my co-workers did know, but they respected me and didn’t want to embarrass me by asking the C question. That suspicion was confirmed when I did come out to a few close colleagues. Surprise—they weren’t surprised at all.

So in the end, I never had to face the fear of coming out head-on to my wife and co-workers. My Halloween costumes quietly did the hard work for me.

(Actually, I did experience the fear of coming out once, but I will save that story for another day.)

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Shawn Pyfrom femulating on television’s Desperate Housewives.

More Fear

Coming Out as a Crossdresser at Work

Revealing that you’re a crossdresser at work can feel even scarier than telling a spouse or partner. That fear isn’t exaggerated. It’s rational.

Work isn’t just personal. It’s tied to income, reputation, authority, and basic security. Unlike family or friends, coworkers and managers have real power over your future. Understanding why this fear runs so deep is the first step to making decisions that protect both your integrity and your livelihood.

Why Workplace Fear Runs So Deep

Fear of Losing Professional Credibility – Many people worry that once coworkers know, everything changes. Your competence gets quietly questioned, your authority subtly erodes and you’re no longer taken seriously. This fear is especially strong in male-dominated, conservative, or highly hierarchical environments, where deviation from norms is often punished indirectly rather than openly.

Fear of Becoming “the Identity,” Not the Employee – A common anxiety is: “This will be the only thing people see about me.” Instead of being known for your work, your reliability, or your expertise, you risk becoming a topic, a curiosity, or at worst, a punchline. Even well-meaning coworkers can unintentionally reduce you to one trait, overshadowing years of professional effort.

Fear of Subtle Retaliation, Not Just Firing – In many workplaces, the real danger isn’t being fired outright. It’s quieter, for example, being passed over for promotions, being excluded from informal networks, or being treated awkwardly or avoided. These actions are hard to prove, easy to deny, and emotionally exhausting to endure.

Fear of Gossip and Loss of Privacy – Once personal information enters a workplace, control over it is gone. People talk. Stories get simplified, exaggerated, or distorted. What feels like a personal disclosure can quickly turn into rumor. That loss of control alone is enough to make many people hesitate and for good reason.

The Conservative or Traditional Workplace Factor

In conservative environments, the fear often isn’t open hostility. It’s silent judgment. You may worry that colleagues will interpret crossdressing as a political statement, a moral issue or a sign of instability. Even if no one says anything directly, the ongoing tension of not knowing what people really think can be draining over time.

A crucial distinction many people miss is you are not obligated to bring your whole self to work.

Workplaces reward reliability, professionalism and results. They do not require full personal transparency. Choosing privacy is not dishonesty. It’s boundary-setting.

What Disclosure at Work Actually Means (in Practice)

Telling coworkers you’re a crossdresser is rarely just informational. It often raises questions you didn’t ask for, for example, are you transitioning, will this affect the dress code, what names or pronouns should people use and is this going to become visible at work? If you don’t want to manage those conversations, disclosure may not serve you no matter how honest it feels.

Common Internal Conflicts

You may value honesty deeply while also feeling responsible for protecting your livelihood. Being “out” can feel freeing, but it also removes your ability to decide when and how people engage with this part of you. 

Many worry they’re being inauthentic by not sharing. In reality, professionalism has always involved selective disclosure.

When Disclosure Can Make Sense

Some people do choose to disclose at work, often when HR protections are clear and trusted, company culture is demonstrably inclusive, they plan to present differently at work or the stress of hiding has become greater than the risk of telling. Even then, disclosure is often limited and strategic, not emotional or expansive.

Instead of asking, “Should I tell them?” Ask, “What problem am I trying to solve by telling them?”

Are you trying to reduce stress, prevent being discovered, preparing for a change in presentation or aligning your work life with your inner life?

If disclosure doesn’t clearly solve a real problem, waiting is often the wiser move.

Final Perspective

Fear of revealing that you’re a crossdresser at work doesn’t mean you lack courage. It means you understand power dynamics, social risk, and the reality that work is not a safe or neutral space for everyone. You are allowed to be private, protect your career and decide that some truths belong to you, not your employer

And if one day you decide disclosure is right, doing it thoughtfully and on your own terms isn’t weakness. It’s strength.

Wearing Shein

James Maslow and David Cade femulating on television's Big Time Rush.