Shopping Without an Alibi

How common is it for males to shop for womenswear for themselves—and be perfectly blatant about it?

Probably more common than most people realize, although an accurate number would be almost impossible to determine. Clothing stores do not record whether the man buying a dress intends to wear it himself, give it to his wife or return it after discovering that a size 12 in one brand is apparently a size 8, 10 or 14 in every other brand.

Some male shoppers are crossdressers. Others are transgender women shopping before they feel comfortable presenting publicly as women. Some simply prefer certain women’s garments, shoes or accessories. Whatever the reason, men browsing the women’s department are no longer as unusual as they once were.

That does not mean every man is blatant about it.

The Usual Alibis

For years, the traditional explanation was, “It’s for my wife.”

That excuse can work when buying a blouse or a handbag, but it begins to collapse when the shopper knows the desired size, color, heel height and hosiery shade better than the saleswoman does.

Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries also provide convenient cover. Halloween may be the greatest excuse of all because it permits a man to buy almost anything without attracting much attention.

I briefly used the Halloween excuse myself. Eventually, however, I stopped bothering. If a saleswoman asked whether I was buying something as a gift, I simply told her that it was for me.

Her initial reaction was often interesting, but it was seldom negative. Surprise usually gave way to curiosity, helpfulness and business as usual. After all, a sale is a sale, and commission does not care who wears the merchandise.

Blatant or Merely Honest?

There are different degrees of openness.

At the cautious end is the man who slips into the women’s department, grabs the first likely garment and pays for it without making eye contact. At the other end is the man who browses carefully, compares colors, checks labels, asks questions and announces, “I’m looking for a skirt for myself.”

Some go even further and ask to use the ladies’ fitting room while presenting as male. Store policies vary, but many sales associates will simply direct the customer to an available fitting room. A private changing cubicle is, after all, a private changing cubicle.

Shopping while already en femme eliminates much of the explaining. The saleswoman sees a female customer looking for female clothing and usually responds accordingly. During my shopping trips, I sometimes asked where the ladies’ dressing room was even when I already knew. Besides receiving directions, I also received confirmation that I was welcome to use it.

The more confidently and naturally I behaved, the more routinely I was treated.

Saleswomen Have Seen It Before

A crossdresser making a first nervous visit to the women’s department may feel as if a spotlight is following her around the store. In reality, the sales staff have probably encountered similar customers before.

Retail employees see an enormous variety of people and requests. A male customer buying a skirt is likely to be much more memorable to himself than to the clerk who rang up fifty other customers that day.

Some saleswomen are especially welcoming. They recognize that a crossdresser who feels comfortable in the store may become a loyal customer—and crossdressers can be enthusiastic customers. We do not merely need clothing. We may need shoes, hosiery, lingerie, jewelry, cosmetics and a handbag to carry the receipt.

Once a sales associate realizes that the shopper is serious, she may become an invaluable ally. She knows which styles run large, which dresses flatter a particular figure and which shoes are likely to become instruments of torture after twenty minutes.

The Internet Changed Everything

Online shopping made womenswear much easier to obtain privately. A man can browse, order and return clothing without ever explaining himself to another person.

That convenience may have reduced the number of visibly nervous male shoppers, but it has also helped many men become more knowledgeable and confident. After learning their sizes and discovering what looks good, some eventually venture into physical stores to see the colors, feel the fabrics and try things on.

I prefer shopping en femme because trying on clothing in a store is far easier than ordering several sizes and returning most of them. It is also more enjoyable. Shopping among other women, comparing bargains and receiving advice from a saleswoman is part of the female experience—not merely a way of acquiring another dress.

Most People Are Not Watching

The greatest obstacle is usually not the store, the sales staff or the other customers. It is the fear inside the shopper’s own head.

We imagine that everyone is studying what we carry. Usually they are thinking about their own shopping, their own schedules and whether the checkout line beside them is moving faster.

A man openly examining a rack of dresses may attract an occasional glance. A man holding a dress against himself or asking for a fitting room may attract two glances. Then the observers return to their phones or their search for a blouse that supposedly exists in their size.

So, how common is blatant shopping for oneself?

Common enough that most experienced sales associates will not be shocked, but uncommon enough that a shopper may still be noticed. Being noticed, however, is not the same as being ridiculed or rejected.

If you act as if you belong there, most people will assume that you do. And you do belong there—you are a customer.

The simplest shopping explanation may also be the most liberating:

“It’s for me.”

Wearing Stylewe

Femulating Frances Fryer in a 2010 stage production of Calamity Jane.