Do not dress like an exaggerated idea of a woman. Passing is not accomplished by wearing every feminine item in your wardrobe at the same time. The objective is to fit in, not to advertise how much you enjoy womenswear.
Proper fit is essential. An inexpensive dress that fits well will look more convincing than an expensive dress that pulls across the shoulders, hangs loosely at the waist or ends at an unflattering point on the legs. A-line skirts, wrap dresses, longer jackets and tops with open necklines can help create a more feminine silhouette.
The same principle applies to padding. Modest breast forms, a little hip padding and some waist definition can improve your proportions. Too much padding may attract attention for all the wrong reasons. You want to suggest natural curves, not create a cartoon.
Dress appropriately for the occasion. A dress and heels may be perfect for dinner, church or a special event, but jeans, a casual top and flats might help you blend in better at the supermarket. I love dressing up as much as anyone, but I have occasionally found myself conspicuously overdressed among women wearing sneakers and sweatshirts.
Study what women around your age are actually wearing. You do not have to copy them exactly or abandon your personal style, but their clothing provides a useful guide. If every woman in the shopping mall is dressed casually and you arrive wearing a sequined cocktail dress and 5-inch heels, people are going to look and not necessarily because they have identified you as a man.
Details matter. Shoes, handbag, jewelry, hosiery, nails and outerwear should belong to the same outfit and occasion. One or two tasteful accessories often look more convincing than a jewelry counter’s worth of sparkle.
Hair can make or break the presentation. A natural-looking wig that suits your face and age is worth the investment. It should be positioned correctly and, ideally, trimmed by someone who knows how to style wigs. Nothing announces “wig” faster than an unnaturally dense hairline or a style that looks as though it came straight out of the box.
Makeup should soften and enhance rather than serve as a mask. Conceal beard shadow, even the complexion, shape the eyebrows, define the eyes and select a lipstick appropriate for the time of day. Heavy makeup may be suitable for an evening event, but it can seem out of place during a morning visit to the grocery store.
Do not overlook facial hair, eyebrows, hands or exposed body hair. These relatively small details can undermine an otherwise excellent presentation.
Clothing and makeup are only part of passing. Practice walking, sitting, reaching for things, carrying a handbag and getting in and out of a car. Learn how to manage a skirt and how to walk comfortably in your chosen shoes. Natural, relaxed movement is far more convincing than an exaggerated feminine performance.
The same is true of the voice. Pitch is not everything. Resonance, rhythm, volume and word choice are equally important. A relaxed, pleasant voice is usually more believable than an artificially high one.
Before going out, take a full-length photograph in ordinary lighting. Photographs often reveal problems that the mirror overlooks. Ask yourself, “Do I look like a woman going about her day, or like a man wearing every feminine thing he owns?”
If it is the latter, removing one conspicuous item may improve the whole presentation.
Finally, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and composed. Confidence alone will not guarantee that you pass, but nervousness, fidgeting and constantly checking whether people are looking at you will attract attention.
Passing takes effort. It also takes practice: practice choosing clothes, applying makeup, walking in heels, using your voice and simply being out among civilians.
As I have written many times: practice, practice, practice.
 |
| Wearing Paige |
 |
| Professional femulator, circa 1960 |
There's a lot of good advice in that post but I do want to contest the fundamentals of passing; for most of us, it's an impossible dream as there is nearly always something that gives the game away - hand size, facial features, voice etc. Too many of us obsess about passing so much that the fear of being seen becomes overwhelming but that should not be the case.
ReplyDeleteThe objective we should be pursuing is acceptance for what we are, rather than trying to be something we're not, and all of the strategies in your post are key. If society in general, and women we interact with in particular, see that a genuine effort is being made to conform to expectations, then most we encounter won't care and some will be positively excited to deal with us!
One thing I'd add to your strategies is to start every interaction with a smile. It gives a powerful signal that we're looking forward to the encounter. And finally, we're our own worst critics so if we can look in the mirror and like what we see, those we interact with will almost certainly have a positive view of us too.
Even though I'm a stay-at-home CD, I still find the practice practice practice is fun fun fun!
ReplyDeleteI am middle aged so I pass like a middle aged woman but I am actually a senior trying to pass like a middle aged woman. It seems I have better presentation as being my age. Sadly, women of my age dont dress like the woman I want to dress like but they are out there but live in a TCM cable channel. I think only us crossdressers dress like women these days. Hugs Brenda……if you are at the mall dressed in pvc or bondage or slutty clothes then yes you will be read pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteAutogynophilia has been debunked many times. Please do not peddle junk science.
ReplyDeleteI was in the grocery store this morning and I observed that most women don’t wear any/much makeup going to the store Me - it’s the first thing I do every day - I won’t leave home without it. That’s just me - Paula
ReplyDeleteMost don’t to the beach or hiking either, but I do every time. It is an essential thing for most of us. : )
DeleteNorah
I manage to balance the "fitting in at the grocery store" with the "I wanna look pretty" by timing my outings. If I'm going to the grocery on Saturday morning, it's a jean skirt with sneakers, light make up and casual T. If it's a weekday - morning or late afternoon - I go with the "business woman making a stop on the way home from the office". This also works on a Sunday early afternoon, making it the "stopping in after church" look. Honestly, I never get stared at or questioned in that way.
ReplyDeleteJulie, i concur wholeheartedly. i often go with the ‘business woman look picking up something for the evening’. a smart skirt suit, blouse, heels etc. i don’t recall ever being stared at as ‘out if place’. in fact the contrary. i have received compliments & have been ‘chatted up’ on a few occasions. to me it all comes down to confidence & dressing sensibly when ‘out’. behind closed doors with a partner is a different matter entirely 😉
DeleteAll fab advice Stana.
ReplyDeleteI really do think many of us could benefit especially from toning it down. Even if tasteful and appropriate, a skirt and heels work outfit in the grocery market at 5pm is going to stand out a bit and get more attention than the average yoga wear clad lady. Nothing at all wrong with it, but that extra attention makes people look longer and closer.
That said, confidence is the best accessory! Acting scared or out of place stands out. Just act like you do this everyday, even if it is just occasionally.
Norah
At 5 PM you might get away with it. You get the businesswoman headed home from the office. Picking up the loaf of bread or rotisserie chicken for dinner. Office attire is not unheard of at that time. 2 PM, yes.
DeleteHi Fiona!
DeleteI don’t disagree at all. I’m often in the market at 5pm in a business look on my way home from work. It is not out of place at all, but I note it does turn more heads and attract attention is all. Dressing up at all is not right common where I live, but I do find no one hardly notices in metro MA or CT where I’m not a lone stand out.
Norah
suburban NY here. pretty common at times. not at others
DeleteAs always, your advice is on point and well taken. If you feel nice, you will look nice, and you're never fully dressed without a smile. Regards, Randi
ReplyDeleteI know Stana and other women top off at six feet plus. That's moi, too! That's an asset that is not easily hidden that leads to further scrutiny. I am an observer of women and I do accept the fact that many women no longer have an hour glass shape. I am a dresses-only woman, so it's always heels and hosiery with either an empire waist or wrap or sheath dress. For me, that is more comfortable than strapping tons of padding onto my body.
ReplyDeleteI make it a point to dress to look attractive, whether in a dress, or on Sunday mornings, a man's coat and tie outfit or a dress complete with heels, makeup, and earrings. I don't need a wig as my blond hair is beyond shoulder length. And I don't need breast forms as I have a natural DD bust. I have hips, so I don't need padding. The only time I wear pants is when I am wearing a man's coat and tie outfit. Otherwise, it's a dress for me as I am almost a dress-only man.
ReplyDeleteJeans? I believe they are suitable for changing the oil in your car or patching your roof. When you see videos of how people dressed in the 1950's vs. now, I find current drab, slovenly look depressing. My maternal grandfather always wore suits when he was out in public, but suits are even more conspicuous in this day and age than dresses. Also, in the DFW area of Texas highs in the summer regularly exceed 38°C/100°F making men's formal suits impractical.
As far as my voice is concerned: As a bass singer if I tried to raise my voice to a female pitch it would sound strained and artificial. So, I strive to speak in a pleasant way at my natural pitch with varying voice pitch instead of the typical monotone of a man. The test is if you get a reaction speaking at a deep male pitch while presenting like a woman. I don't get any such reaction.
John