Confessions of a Bikini-Wary Beachgoer

By Monika Kowalska

I just returned from a fabulous vacation, one of those blissful escapes where the sand sticks to your sun-screened legs in all the right ways and the ocean sparkles like it’s auditioning for a perfume commercial. 

I was spending this glorious time with my sister, who, as always, managed to turn even a simple beach stroll into a full-on fashion commentary session. I was also with my mother, who is rather conservative and not exactly thrilled by my choice of swimsuit, let alone my sister’s even braver, more daring bikini. Watching her raise an eyebrow or mutter under her breath as we strutted past sunbathers added an extra layer of amusement and a little healthy embarrassment to our beach days.While laying on the beach, soaking up the sun and quietly judging all the swimsuits parading by, I realized something – inspiration comes in many forms and for me, it came in the shape of triangles and strings. Yes, I’m talking about the humble bikini.

Now, let’s take a little historical detour. While two-piece swimsuits have been splashing around since the 1930s, the bikini as we know it today made its debut in 1946. French engineer Louis Réard probably inspired by the atomic bomb tests at the Bikini Atoll, unveiled his daring creation, modeled by Micheline Bernardini. The reaction? French women clapped, the Catholic Church gasped and the world collectively tilted its head and whispered, “Scandalous!” 

Over the years, bikinis became the darlings of beach culture, boosted by stars like Brigitte Bardot, Ursula Andress and Raquel Welch – basically every woman who could make a splash in Hollywood and well, history. By the 2000s, bikinis weren’t just beachwear, they were big business raking in millions and even encouraging sunbathers to schedule waxing appointments with military precision.

Of course, wearing a bikini isn’t all glamour and sun-kissed Instagram posts. There’s an entire universe of challenges lurking in the world of swimwear. Straps that dig into your shoulders like tiny medieval torture devices, bottoms that droop or ride up at the worst possible moment and suits with cutouts that somehow turn your tan lines into a complex geometry problem. These are just the tip of the iceberg. 

High-waisted bottoms can make you feel like you’re wearing diapers, while low-cut ones can leave you doing constant wardrobe adjustments worthy of an Olympic sport. Even trying on suits in stores can be exhausting as fitting room fatigue sets in and makes you question your life choices while clutching a string bikini that looks suspiciously like it was designed by a mischievous child.

Then there’s the emotional gymnastics of actually putting the bikini on. You start with excitement, move quickly into self-consciousness and somewhere between adjusting straps and holding in that slight post-lunch bloat, you wonder if the sand will ever forgive your human form. Legs that feel too short, tops that feel unsupportive and stomachs that mysteriously appear larger in reflective water, all of these conspire to make even the sunniest day a lesson in patience and self-love. But here’s the secret: the right suit, whether it’s a halter top with a little extra coverage, a high-cut bottom for lengthened legs or a midkini for modesty, can transform the experience from awkward to empowering, proving that every problem has a solution… and every swimsuit a chance to strut like you own the beach.

Still, even armed with history, glamour and a PhD in internet swimsuit research, I find myself hesitating. Wearing a bikini isn’t exactly a confidence-free endeavor. I tug at strings, smooth down wrinkles and brace for men’s glances that seem calibrated to make me hyper-aware of every “imperfection.” It’s a delicate balance between owning your body and wishing for a strategically placed beach umbrella. Yet, stepping onto the sand, I remind myself that confidence isn’t about flawless curves; it’s about claiming your space under the sun, imperfections and all.

And let’s be real, bikinis are often more trouble than they’re worth. Finding one that actually covers what you want without constantly slipping or riding up can feel like training for a full-time job. Even “safe” options have a sneaky way of turning into a thong the moment you step in the water and suddenly your relaxing beach day becomes a game of tug-and-pray. Then there’s the whole depilation issue because nothing says “summer freedom” like feeling pressured to be smooth and beach-ready. Bikinis may look cute on Instagram, but in real life, they demand constant attention, adjustment, and patience, proving that comfort and confidence don’t always come in two small triangles of fabric.

After all, as the bikini proves, small packages really can pack a punch and a little string can hold a lot of confidence.

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing Leau

Glen James