The New Unisex

For years, the fashion industry has used the word “unisex” to describe clothing that both women and men can wear. In practice, that has usually meant clothing borrowed from the men’s department: T-shirts, jeans, sweatshirts, sneakers and shapeless jackets offered in neutral colors.

Women were welcome to dress like men, but men were not expected to return the compliment.

That may be about to change.

In the near future, “unisex” fashion may no longer mean women wearing traditionally masculine clothing. It may mean both sexes wearing what we now consider women’s clothing.

The change will probably begin quietly. A few adventurous young men will wear blouses with their trousers. Male celebrities will appear at premieres in skirts, hosiery and heeled boots. Designers will send male models down the runway wearing dresses that are not presented as jokes, costumes or political statements. Eventually, department stores will stop labeling every garment strictly “Men” or “Women.”

Instead, clothing will be arranged by style, size and occasion.

Need something for the office? The businesswear department will offer trouser suits, skirt suits, sheath dresses, blouses and heels to everybody. Shopping for a wedding? The formalwear department will have gowns, cocktail dresses and elegant separates in sizes and proportions designed for a wide variety of bodies.

A husband and wife might visit a boutique together and browse the same racks. She may select a pantsuit while he chooses a wrap dress. They might share opinions, compare shoes and argue over who saw a particular blouse first.

Young people will likely lead the way. They already shop with fewer rules than previous generations did. To them, a skirt may simply be another clothing choice rather than a declaration about the person wearing it. Once enough young men begin wearing feminine fashions openly, manufacturers will notice an enormous untapped market.

Money has a way of making yesterday’s forbidden fashion become tomorrow’s must-have look.

Designers will begin adjusting traditional womenswear to accommodate male bodies—not by making it masculine, but by improving the fit. Dresses will have broader shoulders, longer sleeves and different waist proportions. Shoes will be available in larger sizes. Hosiery will be made for longer legs. Bras, shapewear and lingerie will be redesigned for customers who were not born with typically female figures.

The goal will not be to disguise the wearer’s sex. A man in a dress will not necessarily be trying to pass as a woman, although some certainly may. He may simply believe that a dress is attractive, comfortable and appropriate for the occasion.

Of course, many men will go further.

Once the dress becomes acceptable, the accessories will follow. A dress looks better with the right shoes. The shoes may call for hosiery. The neckline may look unfinished without a necklace. A handbag is more practical than overstuffed pockets. Makeup can brighten the face, earrings add sparkle and a flattering hairstyle completes the presentation.

Before long, a man who once insisted that he was “only wearing a skirt” may find himself checking his lipstick before leaving the house.

Workplaces will change, too. The old male uniform of dark suit, white shirt and tie will seem increasingly dull beside the variety available to women. Men will discover pencil skirts, colorful blouses, coordinated jewelry and the pleasure of owning more than two acceptable styles of business shoe.

Office dress codes will no longer specify separate clothing for men and women. They will simply require professional attire. A skirt suit will be professional regardless of whether the employee wearing it is named Susan or Steven.

Special occasions may accelerate the trend. Weddings, parties and formal dinners give people permission to dress more imaginatively. A man might first wear a gown as a member of a wedding party, then discover that he enjoys the elegance and attention. After that, wearing a dress to another social event will not seem nearly so daring.

There will still be resistance. Some people will complain that men no longer look like men. Others will predict the collapse of civilization, as people have done whenever hemlines rose, women wore trousers or men grew their hair long.

Civilization will survive.

Eventually, seeing men in dresses will become as unremarkable as seeing women in jeans. Children growing up in that world may be puzzled when they learn that clothing was once divided by sex. They will wonder why half the population was discouraged from wearing most of the colors, fabrics and styles in the store.

Crossdressers may have mixed feelings about this new freedom. On one hand, leaving the house in a skirt and heels will be easier than ever. On the other, something once daring and special will have become ordinary.

But perhaps that is the best possible outcome.

We will still be able to dress beautifully, experiment with our appearance and enjoy expressing our feminine side. We simply will not need an excuse.

When the fashion industry finally embraces truly unisex clothing, it will not eliminate menswear or force everyone into a dress. It will do something much simpler: give everyone access to the entire wardrobe.

And when that day arrives, “unisex” will finally mean what it should have meant all along.

Wearing Miraclesuit

Esme Percy femulating in the 1930 Hitchcock film Murder!

Blogging About Crossdressing

When I began blogging about crossdressing, I did not know where it would lead. I only knew that I had something to say.

For many years, crossdressing was something I did privately. Like many crossdressers, I spent too much time wondering what would happen if someone discovered my secret. Eventually, I ventured out of the closet and discovered that most of my fears were unwarranted. The civilian population was far more accepting or perhaps far less interested than I had imagined.

That discovery became the inspiration for Femulate. If I could leave the closet and experience the world as a woman, perhaps other crossdressers could do it, too.

Blogging about crossdressing is different from blogging about gardening, stamp collecting or ham radio. Crossdressing is personal. Every post reveals something about the person writing it, even when the post is supposedly about someone else.

When I write about a shopping trip, a compliment or an awkward encounter, I am not merely reporting what happened. I am also revealing my hopes, fears, successes and mistakes. Sometimes that degree of honesty is uncomfortable, but it is also what makes a blog worth reading.

Readers can usually tell when a writer is being genuine. They recognize their own experiences in the story. They may never have worn four-inch heels to the supermarket, but they understand the excitement and nervousness of stepping through the door en femme for the first time.

Over the years, I have written about clothing, makeup, passing, shopping, restrooms, marriage, work, Halloween and countless other subjects related to crossdressing. Occasionally, I wonder whether there is anything left to say.

Then an old memory comes to mind. A reader asks a question. Something unexpected happens during an outing. Or I reconsider an opinion I expressed years ago. Crossdressing may remain the subject, but our understanding of it changes as we gain experience and grow older.

The most rewarding part of blogging is hearing from readers who say that something I wrote helped them. Some finally admitted to themselves that they were crossdressers. Some told their spouses. Others bought their first complete outfit or took their first steps into the civilian world.

Those messages remind me that blogging is not simply an exercise in self-expression. Words can give someone encouragement at exactly the moment it is needed.

That also means a crossdressing blogger has a responsibility. My experience is not everyone’s experience. What worked for me may not work for another person. Family situations differ, communities differ and personal safety must always be considered. I can describe the road I traveled, but each reader must decide whether that road is suitable for her.

Blogging also has its less pleasant moments. Some people criticize without understanding. Others want every crossdresser to use the same label, follow the same rules or share the same goals. But crossdressers are as varied as any other group of people. Some dress privately, some go out occasionally and some live much of their lives as women. There is room for all of us.

For me, the heart of Femulate has always been encouragement. I want crossdressers to know that presenting as a woman does not have to be treated as something shameful, scandalous or sensational. It can simply be an enjoyable and fulfilling part of life.

I also try not to take it all too seriously. Crossdressing provides plenty of opportunities for humor. False eyelashes refuse to cooperate. A high heel finds the only crack in the sidewalk. A carefully coordinated outfit encounters a sudden downpour. If we cannot laugh at ourselves occasionally, we are missing part of the fun.

After all these years, I continue blogging because there are still stories to tell and people who need to hear them. Somewhere, a crossdresser is sitting in front of a computer, wondering whether she will ever have the courage to leave the closet.

Perhaps she will read about one of my adventures and think, “If Stana could do it, maybe I can do it, too.”

That is reason enough to keep writing.

Wearing Boston Proper

Drew Carey femulating on a Halloween episode of The Drew Carey Show.

Readers Femulating

Missy

After reading the advice “dress for the occasion” about dressing to pass, I decided to attend Trivia Night at a local restaurant as Missy with a couple of friends I have mentioned in my previous stories. Much as I would have loved to have gotten more dolled up, it made sense to dress for the occasion since this was Trivia Night, not the prom. After trying a few options, my wife and I decided on the outfit above. I was affirmed immediately when my friend unexpectedly showed up wearing just about the same thing! Made my night even more memorable!

Jim O'Pecko

Jim sent along some photos using the Amazon virtual try-on feature.

Suzanne

A long-time reader and femulator!

Brianna-Leah

Brianna subscribes to the Stana Short school of femulators! 

Jonita

Celebrating the Fourth of July.

Don Spencer

Don uses AI to insert herself in her femulating funnies.

Rachel

Out and about once again!

Patricia Sánchez Monroe

A reader and femulator from Madrid, Spain.

Nancy Mary
Femulating at home.

Lena Andrews
A long-time reader and femulator from “Down Under.”

Stana
Yours truly attending my support group’s annual banquet, March 2004.
(Yes, I read the blog, too!)

With a Little Help from Her

For years, women have been helping the men in their lives dress better. A wife might select her husband’s tie, replace his worn-out shoes or gently suggest that his favorite shirt passed its expiration date sometime during the previous administration.

Lately, however, some women seem willing to take that assistance a few steps further and more men seem willing to follow.

Instead of steering him toward another gray suit or pair of khakis, she may wonder how he would look in a skirt. She may hold up a dress and announce, “This color would be perfect on you.” Before long, she is introducing him to hosiery, heels, jewelry and makeup. What began as a playful experiment may develop into a complete feminine makeover.

The surprising part is not that women enjoy doing it. Many women have years of experience coordinating outfits, applying makeup and choosing flattering hairstyles. Transforming a willing husband or boyfriend gives them an opportunity to use all that knowledge on a brand-new canvas.

The real surprise is how many men are willing, even eager to become that canvas.

Some have secretly wanted to wear feminine clothing for years but lacked the courage to say so. A woman’s invitation provides both permission and encouragement. Others may never have considered feminization until a wife or girlfriend suggested it. Once they see themselves in a flattering dress, expertly applied makeup and an attractive hairdo, their resistance sometimes disappears along with their trousers.

Women also tend to feminize men differently than men feminize themselves. A novice femulator left alone in a dress shop may gravitate toward the shortest skirt, highest heels and biggest breasts available. A woman is more likely to consider his age, figure and destination. She knows that successful femininity is not merely a collection of exaggerated female symbols. It is a complete presentation.

She may tell him that the tight red mini is inappropriate for lunch with her friends, then put him in a wrap dress that flatters his figure. She may replace his enormous wig with a believable pageboy, reduce the makeup and teach him how to walk naturally in sensible heels.

In other words, she may transform him from a man wearing women’s clothing into a presentable woman.

Trust is an important part of the process. Allowing another person to reshape your appearance can make you feel vulnerable. When a man permits a woman to choose his clothes, apply his makeup and guide his behavior, he is placing himself in her capable hands. When the experience is affectionate, voluntary and respectful, it can bring a couple closer together.

The woman may also discover that her feminized man is a delightful companion. He becomes interested in shopping. He notices her new shoes. He understands why getting ready takes longer than five minutes. He may even stop complaining about the number of dresses in her closet after realizing that he has begun filling another closet with dresses of his own.

Of course, not every man wants to be feminized, and no one should be pressured into it. But traditional rules governing what men may wear are gradually losing their authority. Younger generations in particular seem less frightened by clothing, cosmetics and styles once reserved exclusively for women.

As those boundaries weaken, more women may feel free to suggest feminization—and more men may finally feel free to say yes.

Sometimes all a potential femulator needs is an invitation from the woman he loves:

“Sit down, dear. I want to try something.”

And if she knows what she is doing, he may soon be asking when they can do it again.

(Thank you Emma Davies for your comment which inspired me to write this post.)

Wearing Shein

Veit Alex, model

Petticoat Punishment: Fact or Fantasy?

“Petticoat punishment” was the practice of humiliating a boy or man by requiring him to wear feminine clothing. It is often presented as a common form of discipline during the Victorian era—but was it real?

The short answer is yes, although probably not in the elaborate form depicted in modern stories.

There is evidence that some parents occasionally dressed misbehaving boys in girls’ clothing as punishment during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. A 1920 newspaper article even reported that the petticoat was replacing the rod as a corrective measure for boys. The related expression “petticoat discipline” appeared in print as early as 1912.

Those isolated cases, however, do not prove that petticoat punishment was a widespread or organized practice.

The more elaborate accounts—boys receiving girls’ names, attending school as girls, undergoing extensive feminine training or being kept permanently in dresses—usually originated in erotic fiction. One early example was the 1893 novel Gynecocracy, in which an unruly boy is placed under the control of a governess and forced to live as a girl.

Later magazines and publishers expanded the idea into a whole genre of forced-feminization fantasy. With every retelling, the clothing became frillier, the humiliation more public and the punishment more prolonged. Eventually, separating historical fact from fantasy became difficult.

Old photographs also contribute to the confusion. Photographs of Victorian boys in dresses are often identified online as examples of petticoat punishment. In reality, young boys routinely wore gowns until they were “breeched,”that is, given their first trousers usually sometime between the ages of 4 and 7. Their dresses were ordinary children’s clothing and were not intended to feminize or punish them.

So petticoat punishment was a real thing, at least in isolated cases. But the notion that Victorian England was filled with naughty boys being transformed into elaborately dressed young ladies owes much more to fantasy than to documented history.

Too bad. It would have made my childhood much more interesting!

Wearing Stylewe

Sean Gunn femulating on an episode of television’s Gilmore Girls.

How to Look Like a Crossdresser

Most crossdressers want to be perceived as women—not as men wearing women’s clothing. Yet some unknowingly make presentation choices that announce their crossdressing before they ever say a word.

The problem usually is not a masculine face, broad shoulders, height or any other physical characteristic that cannot easily be changed. Women come in every conceivable size and shape. What attracts unwanted attention is often a collection of avoidable mistakes.

Hair is one of the biggest giveaways—especially hair in all the wrong places. Hairy arms, legs, hands, chests and backs do not work well with sleeveless tops, low necklines, short skirts or open-back dresses. Neither does a visible beard beneath heavy makeup. A close shave, color corrector and carefully applied foundation can help, but piling on more foundation usually creates a mask without concealing the beard.

Eyebrows matter, too. Untamed masculine eyebrows beneath an otherwise carefully made-up face can spoil the whole presentation. They need not be plucked into dramatically feminine arches, but trimming and shaping them can make an enormous difference.

Then there is the wig.

A cheap, shiny wig that looks as though it came from a Halloween costume shop is difficult to overlook. So is a wig that sits too high, too low or crooked on the head. Extremely long hair can also look out of place on someone whose face and wardrobe suggest a more mature woman. A good-quality wig in a believable color and age-appropriate style is one of the best investments a crossdresser can make.

Breast forms create another temptation. Some crossdressers believe bigger is always better. It is not. Huge breasts on a body that cannot realistically support them look artificial and throw the entire figure out of proportion. The same is true of badly positioned hip and rear padding. Padding should create a subtle feminine silhouette, not make it appear that sofa cushions have been stuffed under a dress.

Makeup presents similar dangers. The objective should be to enhance the face, not repaint it. Heavy eyeliner, enormous false eyelashes, brilliant eye shadow, overdrawn lips and bright circles of blush may look dramatic in the mirror, but they seldom look natural in daylight. Makeup that photographs well under dim indoor lighting can look startling in a supermarket at noon.

Clothing may be the biggest giveaway of all.

Fetishwear, extreme heels, microscopic skirts, plunging necklines and skin-tight dresses attract attention regardless of who is wearing them. When combined, they create a caricature of femininity. Dressing like a stereotypical streetwalker is unlikely to help anyone blend in at the mall, grocery store or family restaurant.

Dressing too young causes the same problem. There is nothing wrong with looking youthful, but clothes designed for a 19-year-old seldom make a 60-year-old look 19. More often, they make the wearer look like a 60-year-old dressed as a teenager. Stylish, flattering and age-appropriate clothing is much more convincing—and usually more attractive.

The occasion matters as much as age. A cocktail dress, sparkling jewelry and four-inch pumps may be perfect for a party, but they look conspicuous while buying milk on Tuesday morning. Before going out, look at what women of a similar age are wearing at the destination. You do not have to copy them exactly, but they provide a useful reality check.

Poorly fitted clothes are another common mistake. A dress that pulls across the shoulders, a skirt that twists around the waist, a blouse whose buttons strain or a bra that rides halfway up the back will not create a polished appearance. The number printed on the label is irrelevant. Fit is everything.

Even a convincing appearance can be undermined by movement. Taking enormous strides in high heels, sitting with the knees far apart, constantly adjusting one’s clothes, swinging a handbag like a toolbox or nervously looking around to see who is watching can draw more attention than a masculine facial feature ever will.

The goal is not perfection. Few women look perfect, and trying too hard can be a giveaway in itself. The goal is a believable, coordinated presentation appropriate for one’s age, figure, destination and time of day.

Study women rather than fantasies about women. Notice their hair, makeup, proportions, clothes, posture and movements. Practice at home. Take photographs. Examine them honestly. Correct one problem at a time.

Good crossdressing is hard work, but I love my job.

Wearing JustFab

Frederick Weller femulating on television's In Plain Sight (2010).

Dressing to Pass

If a man wants to pass as a woman, the most important rule is simple: dress like an ordinary woman of a similar age who is going to the same place you are going.

Do not dress like an exaggerated idea of a woman. Passing is not accomplished by wearing every feminine item in your wardrobe at the same time. The objective is to fit in, not to advertise how much you enjoy womenswear.

Proper fit is essential. An inexpensive dress that fits well will look more convincing than an expensive dress that pulls across the shoulders, hangs loosely at the waist or ends at an unflattering point on the legs. A-line skirts, wrap dresses, longer jackets and tops with open necklines can help create a more feminine silhouette.

The same principle applies to padding. Modest breast forms, a little hip padding and some waist definition can improve your proportions. Too much padding may attract attention for all the wrong reasons. You want to suggest natural curves, not create a cartoon.

Dress appropriately for the occasion. A dress and heels may be perfect for dinner, church or a special event, but jeans, a casual top and flats might help you blend in better at the supermarket. I love dressing up as much as anyone, but I have occasionally found myself conspicuously overdressed among women wearing sneakers and sweatshirts.

Study what women around your age are actually wearing. You do not have to copy them exactly or abandon your personal style, but their clothing provides a useful guide. If every woman in the shopping mall is dressed casually and you arrive wearing a sequined cocktail dress and 5-inch heels, people are going to look and not necessarily because they have identified you as a man.

Details matter. Shoes, handbag, jewelry, hosiery, nails and outerwear should belong to the same outfit and occasion. One or two tasteful accessories often look more convincing than a jewelry counter’s worth of sparkle.

Hair can make or break the presentation. A natural-looking wig that suits your face and age is worth the investment. It should be positioned correctly and, ideally, trimmed by someone who knows how to style wigs. Nothing announces “wig” faster than an unnaturally dense hairline or a style that looks as though it came straight out of the box.

Makeup should soften and enhance rather than serve as a mask. Conceal beard shadow, even the complexion, shape the eyebrows, define the eyes and select a lipstick appropriate for the time of day. Heavy makeup may be suitable for an evening event, but it can seem out of place during a morning visit to the grocery store.

Do not overlook facial hair, eyebrows, hands or exposed body hair. These relatively small details can undermine an otherwise excellent presentation.

Clothing and makeup are only part of passing. Practice walking, sitting, reaching for things, carrying a handbag and getting in and out of a car. Learn how to manage a skirt and how to walk comfortably in your chosen shoes. Natural, relaxed movement is far more convincing than an exaggerated feminine performance.

The same is true of the voice. Pitch is not everything. Resonance, rhythm, volume and word choice are equally important. A relaxed, pleasant voice is usually more believable than an artificially high one.

Before going out, take a full-length photograph in ordinary lighting. Photographs often reveal problems that the mirror overlooks. Ask yourself, “Do I look like a woman going about her day, or like a man wearing every feminine thing he owns?”

If it is the latter, removing one conspicuous item may improve the whole presentation.

Finally, wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and composed. Confidence alone will not guarantee that you pass, but nervousness, fidgeting and constantly checking whether people are looking at you will attract attention.

Passing takes effort. It also takes practice: practice choosing clothes, applying makeup, walking in heels, using your voice and simply being out among civilians.

As I have written many times: practice, practice, practice.

Wearing Paige

Professional femulator, circa 1960

Toby Determined