A Time and Place

I encourage crossdressers to leave the closet and experience the world as women. After spending too many years hiding, I learned that most of my fears about going out were far worse than anything I actually encountered.

Nevertheless, there is a time and a place for everything, even femulating.

The mere presence of a crossdresser does not make a place or event inappropriate. If you regularly live as a woman, you should be able to attend most places and events as yourself. The important questions are whether your clothing suits the occasion and whether your appearance will unintentionally make someone else’s moment all about you.

For example, a wedding is not the ideal occasion for your public debut unless the couple knows and approves. A wedding belongs to the bride and groom. Showing up en femme for the first time might attract attention that should be directed toward them.

The same consideration applies to funerals and memorial services. These occasions call for quiet respect, conservative clothing and as little distraction as possible. If the deceased’s family knows you as a woman, attending en femme may be perfectly appropriate. If they do not, that may not be the best time to introduce them to your feminine side. However, if you knew only the deceased and are unacquainted with the family and other mourners, attending as a conservatively dressed woman may be acceptable because no one would know you otherwise.

Religious ceremonies, graduations, award presentations and important family celebrations also require good judgment. Again, crossdressing is not inherently disrespectful. Turning someone else’s meaningful occasion into your personal coming-out party may be.

Court appearances, official government business and situations involving identification or security can require additional thought. Your appearance should reasonably resemble the photograph on your identification, and you should be prepared to respond calmly if questions arise. Confidence is helpful; confrontation is not.

Some places may be physically unsuitable rather than socially inappropriate. A construction site, hiking trail or muddy outdoor festival probably calls for practical footwear and clothing. Four-inch pumps may look wonderful at the mall, but they are not safety equipment.

There are also events where crossdressing is encouraged, but presenting as an ordinary woman might still be misunderstood. At a costume party, for example, people may assume that your carefully coordinated outfit is merely a joke. That never stopped me on Halloween, but it is something to anticipate.

The simplest rule is the same one most women follow: dress appropriately for the place, the weather and the occasion. Do not wear a cocktail dress to a picnic, a miniskirt to a funeral or stilettos to tour a factory.

And do not use someone else’s special day to test your passing meter.

Going out en femme should be enjoyable, natural and respectful. If your presence will not endanger anyone, violate a legitimate rule or steal attention from the person being honored, there are very few places where it is truly inappropriate.

Usually, it is not crossdressing that is inappropriate.

It is simply wearing the wrong thing at the wrong time—and women have been dealing with that question forever.

Wearing Boston Proper

Alan Hale, Jr., Jim Backus and Russell-Johnson femulating on television’s Gilligan's Island (1967).
Click here to view this femulation on YouTube.