A reader suggested that I be interviewed again since my previous interview was about five years ago. I was willing and asked AI to conduct the interview. Here it is.
Stana: The core idea is to encourage crossdressers to escape from their closets and go out among the civilian population. I started the blog because I successfully escaped from that closet—and if I could do it, anyone could do it.
AI: Many crossdressers describe intense fear about being seen in public. What do you think is the real obstacle holding most people back—is it external danger, or something internal?
Stana: Sure, there are external dangers, so a crossdresser has to be careful about where she goes. But I believe it’s something internal that holds most people back. Fear is the biggest obstacle. FDR was right: there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Once I pushed myself out of the closet, I realized my fears were mostly unwarranted, and I regretted all the time those fears kept me hidden.
AI: Your writing treats public crossdressing almost as something ordinary. Why is it important to normalize it rather than frame it as transgressive or sensational?
Stana: Crossdressing is fun. Why mess with the fun by making it transgressive or sensational? Crossdressers just want to fit in and experience life as women.
AI:. Femulate spends a lot of time on presentation—clothing, grooming, posture, behavior. Some critics might call that “trying too hard to pass.” How do you respond?
Stana: I’ve known hundreds of crossdressers over the years. The ones who don’t pass aren’t trying too hard—they just aren’t putting in the work. If you want to pass as a woman, effort is essential. I live by those words, and I’m meticulous in my presentation. As a result, I pass more often than not.
AI: Your advice often comes across as tough love. Why do honesty and rigor matter more than comfort when helping someone leave the closet?
Stana: There’s nothing worse than leaving the closet unprepared and failing. You’ll go back, and you might never leave it again. I remember one of the first crossdresser meetings I attended—someone asked if I was the supportive female spouse of a crossdresser. That moment proved to me all the work I put into my presentation had paid off.
AI: You’ve gone from hoping not to be noticed to expecting to be read as female. How did that psychological shift change your relationship with fear?
Stana: Practice, practice, practice. The more you go out among civilians, the less fear you feel. One day, there is no fear at all.
AI: Many readers are older men with established lives. What’s your message to someone who feels they’ve “waited too long” to leave the closet?
Stana: Better late than never! Never should never be an option. If you have the desire, you owe it to yourself to try at least once, no matter your age.
AI: Was there a moment when you realized Femulate was influencing other people’s lives?
Stana: Yes—the first email I received thanking me for helping someone leave the closet and experience the world as a woman. Since then, I’ve received many emails expressing the same gratitude.
AI: If you could speak to a first-time reader still in the closet, what’s the most important thing to understand?
Stana: I once said, “Crossdressing is hard work, but I love my job.” In other words, you must be willing to invest the time and effort to succeed—but it’s all worth it.
AI: Looking ahead, what do you hope Femulate accomplishes, not just for individuals, but for broader society?
Stana: The more crossdressers get out of the closet, the more it encourages others to do the same. Crossdressers are more visible today than in the past, and I hope Femulate has played a part in that.
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| Wearing Marina |
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| Martin Weiß femulating in the 2004 German film Agnes and His Brothers. |
With respect, Stana, having a goal of "leaving the closet" is fine, but I believe Femulate's primary goal should be (and effectively is) more fundamental than that. Quite simply, it's to help crossdressers overcome their negative view of themselves (I wouldn't quite go as far as describing it as self-loathing) and their sense of isolation. Growing up in the pre-Internet age, I can only imagine what a website such as yours would have meant to the young me trying to figure out what was going on in my head that was making me DO this. Even if someone never winds up going public, making them feel better about themselves and that they aren't alone is a very worthy goal in itself. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteStana has helped so many of us present better and feel better about ourselves. She is right that to present better you have to work at it and pay attention. I spent 15 minutes steaming a blazer, blouse and skirt before going to run an errand because wrinkled clothes dont look good. Hugs Brenda. Sometimes I think that crossdressers are the last hope for feminity as they still uphold certain fashion values.
ReplyDeleteWhile appearing "en femme" most of the time with dresses, etc., I always use my name John and masculine pronouns and speak with my normal masculine voice.
ReplyDeleteMy goal is to encourage other men to explore clothing and grooming options outside their very narrow comfort zone.
John
This was a really interesting interview, Stana. The focus on fear being internal, and on preparation over comfort. It feels very true to how Femulate has always approached getting out there.
ReplyDeleteI’ve appreciated this blog for a long time. It’s been one of the voices that shaped my own blogging and sharing experiences around gender. Seeing it still encouraging people to move forward instead of staying stuck is so wonderful.
Cheers, love!
Stana you are so correct re: fear.Sounds goofy but I feel that the more I replaced fear with confidence it somehow reflected back on my presentation as a woman.When you reach the point that you just expect that you will be treated as a woman it just seems to work out. Just one example-there is another lady in the restroom. She compliments you on your outfit . The fearful you would say thanx and hustle out the door. The confident you would in engage in a conversation re: clothes etc-emily
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. Once you leave the closet you don't want to go back. Dress in in normal female clothes not outlandish and you probably won't have a problem. I remember at a CD group meeting I was mistaken for a spouse, what a complement that was. I was dressed in slacks and flats and a nice sweater. I guess that was perfect passing. I know I have been clocked in the past but not often. I remember once where some one was definitely noticing me and to my knowledge I hadn't been clocked in the mall at all. So i figured it was just my good looks. I notice good looking women all the time and my female persona try's to emulate them. It sure is fun and to me that's what CDing is all about
ReplyDeleteThe more you do it, the more you will do it. Paula G
ReplyDelete