Halloween: Having It Both Ways

On Monday, JJ wrote about Halloween costumes and specifically discussed whether to dress as a civilian female as your costume or whether to wear a female costume (nurse, maid, cheerleader, etc.) on our national holiday.

I have done both. If I attend a Halloween party hosted by an LGBTQ+ organization (like my support group), I wear a female costume. However, if I attend a civilian Halloween party, I dress as a civilian female. And if I am just out and about on my own or going to work on Halloween, civilian female mode it is.

It is fun putting together a female costume and flaunting it at a Halloween party. I will never forget the reaction I received dressing as a Playboy bunny. Actually, I would be hesitant to dress like that at a civilian party – I can feel some guy’s roaming hands, if you know what I mean. 

I prefer dressing as a civilian female for Halloween. I love it when I overhear other attendees at a civilian party talking about me and asking, “Why is she not wearing a costume?” That never gets old.

And if I am out among the civilians, if I pass, great! But if I don’t pass, it’s not a big deal because it’s Halloween and I am just wearing a costume.

One of my best Halloweens out among civilians was in 2017 when I made various stops at my usual haunts. My first stop that day was at the hair salon where I have been getting my hair cut for over 25 years.

I entered the salon and the owner greeted me without a glimmer of recognition. I played along and said I wanted to make an appointment with my regular hairdresser, so she opened the appointment book and found an opening that I could fill, then she asked my name (to enter into the book).

When I told her my name, her jaw dropped and the “Oh, my God’s” began flowing without interruption. Just then, another hairdresser showed up for work and she was flabbergasted, too.

Next stop was my bank, where I usually do my business via the drive-through window. Since I was cashing a check and making a withdrawal, I would have to show my driver’s license and there might be some confusion considering how I appeared, so I went inside rather than driving through.

As I entered, I saw three women staffing the bank — I have done business with all three of them for a number of years, usually at the drive-through window and occasionally up front and personal.

I greeted the woman who was seated typing away at a computer in the cubicle just inside the bank entrance. She looked up from the computer and was clueless.

I smiled and said, “Happy Halloween! You may know me better as [insert my male name].”

I believe she heard me, but I think she could not believe her eyes and asked, “Who?”

I had to repeat my name a couple of times before it sank in and she said, “Wow — you look fabulous!”

“Thank-you,” and I got into the line waiting for my turn at the teller, who greeted me with a big smile as I queued up. When it was my turn, I walked up to the teller, who greeted me so profusely that I knew she knew who I was.

“You look lovely today,” she said.

“You know who I am, don't you.”

“I recognized you as soon as you walked in.”

There were no other customers in the bank, so my teller called over the other teller and asked if she recognized me.

The other teller did not have a clue.

My teller tried to clue her in with this hint, “Who has a green car and always uses the drive-through window?”

The other teller was still clueless.

Another clue, “Who has a little friend (my dog) in the passenger seat?”

Still nothing!

My teller finally showed her my driver’s license and the other teller shouted out my male name followed by a series of question marks and exclamation points. She was amazed and gushed over my “disguise.”

I asked my teller if she would take my photo and she said she would love to do it, so I handed her my iPhone and she took a half dozen shots including the one above.

I said my goodbyes and as I passed the cubicle where the first woman was working, she stopped me and went on and on about how convincing I looked.

I mentioned how my wife always said that I would never pass because of my large size.

“Oh, no,” she retorted, “No one would ever guess that you're not a woman.”

And that’s the problem. If your costume is so good that you pass (or close to it), civilians might put two and two together and suspect that your costume is not a costume! 

That happened to me. After dressing in convincing “office girl drag” at work, most of my co-workers figured me out, but I didn’t care. I was out to lots of people and what were a few more. Maybe if I received some flak, I might have cared, but my co-workers were good with my presentation and even looked forward to see what I would wear on October 31.

But that’s me. Many of you do care about being outed, so you have to tone down your costume if you dress civilian female. Or do a female costume.

Whether you're a sultry witch or a dainty ballerina or an alluring administrative assistant, lean into it. Pose for photos. Speak in character. Confidence transforms a costume into a moment.

Lindsay Lohan wearing Balmain set, Hermès bag, Christian Louboutin shoes, Oliver Peoples sunglasses.