Friday, February 29, 2008
I wore a my new "heather charcoal" sweater-knit dress, gray tights, black 3½” high heel platform pumps, silver jewelry, and favorite wig. I thought I looked very nice (see my photo from yesterday's blog).
My first stop was St. Joseph College in West Hartford to do outreach for a Human Sexuality class with three transsexual women (Deja, Diana, and Gina). We each gave a short biography and then took questions from the class.
It was a large class, all female with approximately 10% asking questions. The question and answer session lasted 90 minutes. I don't recall any unique questions coming my way, but during the session, I discovered a new (to me) possible reason for my desire to crossdress: hormones.
The question that led to this had something to do with what changes the transsexuals experienced after taking hormones. One transwoman mentioned that before taking hormones, viewing a movie like Love Story had no effect, but after taking hormones, she cried like a baby viewing such a film. The other two transwomen agreed that they experienced the same change.
In response, I said that I never took hormones, but all my life, I cried viewing a movie like Love Story (but not Love Story itself, which I absolutely hate).
The professor suggested that perhaps I should be tested by an endocrinologist. I assume he was inferring that maybe I had an imbalance in hormones, i.e., too many female hormones and/or not enough male hormones. If that is true then it might explain other things… like my feminine breasts and my feminine traits.
Since puberty, my breasts have resembled a female's breasts rather than a male's and are able to fully fill an A cup bra and nearly fill a B cup.
And since forever, I have had feminine mannerisms. I never affected feminine mannerisms; they are natural to me, but they must be more feminine than masculine because in my youth, my mannerisms caused me to be called "fairy," "faggot," etc. And as an adult, people who know me en homme and en femme say that I am the same person with the same mannerisms in either mode. Go figure!
After the class, a group of students approached me and mentioned that they felt sorry for me because I am so sad! (I have heard this comment before during other outreaches.)
I did not think I was sad, but I guess my bio is kind of sad in that I admitted that I'd like to go out en femme more often, but I don't in deference to my wife.
On a happier note, one student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.
After outreach, we four went to a nearby diner (Gold Roc) to dine. I have eaten there before and they have always treated me like a lady. Wednesday night was no exception.
Like most diners, they have a huge selection that is reasonably priced and hugely portioned. I ordered a three-egg omelet and finished only half of it. Wearing a corset limits my intake; I call it my "crossdressing diet."
During dinner, Gina asked me if I was done with my electrolysis. To her surprise, I told her I never had electrolysis. (I guess my close shave and beard cover was working real well on Wednesday!)
After dinner, we four moved on to the meeting of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). There were about 15 in attendance to hear the owner of Glamour Boutique talk about his store and product line. It was not a formal presentation, but rather a very informal talk.
There were some new faces (to me) in attendance. Although, I did not know them, some knew me through my writings and COS newsletter editing.
By 9:30 PM, I was very tired, exited, and drove home to end my day en femme.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tomorrow (or later), I will have a full report for you here maybe with a photo or two.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
I was not too impressed with the evening gowns worn by the stars. In my opinion, most of the gowns were just average, but there were a few stand-outs (Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Katherine Heigl) and one exceptional gown worn by Marion Cotillard. In addition to looking outstanding, she won the best actress award for her work in La Vie En Rose.
Unlike previous awards show, I saw no crossdressers last night, although Katherine Heigl's makeup looked like a novice crossdresser had applied it because she had on too much blush.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I watch the show to see the gals in evening gowns. Maybe this year, a trans-woman or two will show up in gowns, too!
Friday, February 22, 2008
I drew a lot when I was a youngster, teenager, and college student. I think I used drawing as an outlet for my desire to crossdress because a lot of my drawings had crossdressing themes.
Drawing took a back seat in my life after I graduated from school and began pursuing a career.
I drew a few cartoons and pictures for my daughter when she was a youngster to entertain her, but it was nothing serious.
Last fall, my daughter encouraged me to take up drawing again and she dragged me to an art supply store where I bought some drawing supplies (pencils, pens, erasers, sketchpad, etc.). They sat on my desk unused until today.
Inspired by the artwork that J Morgetron sent me, I spent about an hour before dinner drawing the picture you see here. It is a self-portrait with a crossdressing theme.
It is not bad considering it is the first serious thing I have drawn in over 30 years. It even looks a little like me en femme!
A few weeks ago, I won a contest on J Morgetron's blog, Tres Bizarre.
The prize arrived today and I love it! J Morgetron did the artwork herself and it's theme is the reason I swear by my pot of orange beard cover.
J also sent along a story buk, Xingu by Edith Wharton, with a personalized inscription that I will cherish.
As occasional editor of my support group's newsletter, I have often reprinted postings from my blog, but this is the first time another support group has done so.
I don't mind; in fact, I am honored, but I just wish they had informed me that they were going to reprint it because I would have missed it if Diana had not alerted me!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Read it all here.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The New England Transgender March and Rally, which is scheduled for June 7, will feature speakers and entertainers from across the spectrum of the transgender community and is expected to draw participants from across the country.
Read the rest of the story here.
"I have no words for how I feel today. Not only was a 15-year-old boy shot in the back of the head by someone who hated him because he was gay, because he was not masculine, because he wore jewelry and makeup, but also a 10-year-old boy hung himself in England.
"He wanted to be a girl. He wanted to wear his sister's clothes and makeup. His mother let him wear girl's underwear but told him he'd have to wait till he was older to wear makeup."
Read the rest of this sad commentary here.
Read the rest of the amazing story here
And read more here.
The baby dolls that girls played with back then did not interest me. I was interested in more creative playthings like drawing, cutting, and gluing, so I occasionally cut out paper dolls and created original outfits for the dolls to wear.
Barbie and the other fashion dolls showed up at the tail-end of my time as a youngster, i.e, about the time I stopped dressing paper dolls and started dressing myself in my mother's and sister's apparel.
Anyway, surfing the Internet, I discovered a Web site of online virtual paper dolls. Scissors are not required. Instead, you dress the doll of your choice by clicking on then and dragging items of apparel over the doll.
There is a huge collection of dolls to dress, but the one that caught my eye was the "boys dressing like girls" paper doll. I tried it and enjoyed mixing and matching apparel to put together some cool outfits for the boy to wear.
The boy doll is rather pretty for a male, so when you add a wig, girl apparel, and jewelry, he passes very well!
First stop is Saint Joseph College in West Hartford, CT. I will be doing outreach at a human sexuality class with three other transwomen. The other three identify as transsexual (one post-op, two-pre-op); I am the token crossdresser.
Second stop will be dinner at a yet-to-be-determined restaurant in the Hartford area. The restaurant is yet-to-be-determined because it depends on who shows up for outreach and who wants to go where to eat after outreach. (I'm easy. I like all kinds of cuisine, so I will go anywhere.)
Third stop will be a visit to my support group's monthly Wednesday meeting. The meeting agenda will feature a representative from Glamour Boutique, who will talk about their store and product line.
Whenever I attend my support group's meetings, I feel like one of those people who goes to church once a year (usually on Palm Sunday to get free palms)! My last support group visit was Halloween 2006.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A few days ago, Meg sent the following e-mail:
"I'm going to go out (alone) for the second time tomorrow. I'm not sure I handle interactions with other people well. I assume they know that I'm just a 'Girl For A Day' and I say something to make sure that they know that I know that they know.
"But should I just assume that I pass perfectly and they don't notice that the voice doesn't match the outfit very well? I'm afraid that might make them uncomfortable about what to say (just in case I'm really a girl with a guy's voice, not a guy with a girl's wardrobe).
"What would Staci do?"
In the past when I went out, I waited for the people I interacted with to give me a clue that they knew I was a guy (because I wanted to know if I was passing successfully as a woman). If I did not get a clue, I often tried to give them a clue and sometimes I would just flat out say I was a guy.
Half the time, they were clueless and were surprised that I was a guy and not a gal.
The other half of the time, I was clueless and after I clued them in, I discovered that they already knew, but were accommodating me for one reason or another. Maybe they were being nice and respected my desire to be treated as a woman. If they were a salesperson, maybe they were patronizing me, i.e., they were trying to make a sale and did not want to lose the sale by acknowledging that they knew I was a guy.
After I realized this, I decided to go along with the flow and accept (and enjoy) the fact that I was being treated as a woman, for whatever reason. Hopefully, I passed, but if I did or did not pass, I sure did not want to out myself by intentionally giving them clues.
I admit that I am still curious and look for clues, but as they say, "Curiosity killed the cat," so I bite my tongue and try not to give myself away.
Monday, February 18, 2008
*I think that 5% estimate is low, but that is a discussion for another day.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
"The expectation in the air as you anticipate a change is making you nervous, and you find yourself torn between feeling trapped by others and wanting to pursue your own agenda. You also have to decide whether you have a right to break free or need to honor your obligations. Only searching your heart can help you with this."Wow! That is so on the money that I could not believe it. When I read it, I felt like someone knew exactly what is going on in my head. It gave me pause.
Victoria Beckham resembles Lon Chaney's portrayal of the phantom of the opera.
(Women resembling trans-sisters help us real trans-sisters to blend in society. They obfuscate the line between males and females, which makes it easier for real trans-sisters to pass.)
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Actress Danielle Darrieux looks rather masculine in this Mon Film cover photo.
(Women resembling trans-sisters help us real trans-sisters to blend in society. They obfuscate the line between males and females, which makes it easier for real trans-sisters to pass.)
If written about her here before, so there is no need to repeat myself. But yesterday, I came across a stash of her images on the net and I wanted to share one with you today.
Isn't she gorgeous and how about that to-die-for suit?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Back in the early 1960s, when I realized that I was not your typical all-American boy, there was very little information available to the average Joe or Jo-Ann about my version of human being. I found dribs and drabs in various encyclopedia and they only referred to "transvestites" and "transsexuals," nothing else. I did not believe I was transsexual and the very idea of being surgically modified scared the bejeebers out of me, so I identified as a transvestite.
That was my story and I stuck with it for a long time.
As information became more accessible (via the Internet, magazines, support groups, etc.) I became familiar with other terms of endearment used to describe my people. I still knew that I was not a transsexual and I was confused about the definition of "transgendered," so my choices boiled down to "transvestite" and "crossdresser."
From time-to-time, I shifted between identifying as a transvestite and identifying as a crossdresser. My shifts were related to what I had most recently read or what I had most recently heard, i.e., reading or hearing somebody's theory on why you should identify as one and not as the other.
After all these years, I believe that there is no significant difference between a transvestite or a crossdresser. I will answer to either name.
I will also answer to transgendered, which I believe applies to transvestites/crossdressers and transsexuals alike.
A dear friend of mine who is studying the transgendered on a graduate level calls me a "late-life transsexual." I think that means that I am a transsexual, but that I did not recognize that fact until later in life. Maybe.
I will admit that if I had to do it over again, I might live full-time or near full-time as a woman, but the only body modification I would undergo is epilation of my face and body. No surgery for me!
Does that make me a transsexual? Perhaps, but since I am not sure, I won't apply that term to me.
Instead, I prefer the term "transwoman." It has a nice ring to it and applies to transvestites/crossdressers and transsexuals alike. I think it fits me nicely.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I saw many episodes in rerun shown during the daytime hours in the late 1950s and early 1960s. One episode, "The Male Ego," which aired originally on February 20, 1958, left an impression on me.
Here is a brief summary of that episode from the CTVA US Comedy The People's Choice episode guide.
Sock, played by Jackie Cooper, "loses the sale of a house because the prospective buyer's wife dislikes a minor detail. Convinced that women are beginning to take over the world, Sock goes to sleep and has nightmare on the subject."
The episode guide does not describe the nightmare, but I remember it. Note that I have not seen this episode in over 45 years and I only saw it once, so some of my memories may not be right on the money, but here is what I recall:
Sock's nightmare takes place in a world where the women are taking over and are in the process of acclimating men to their rule. All the women wear futuristic pants suits and they are shown forcing reluctant men to enter a transformation booth, which "refines" their personalities and their attire.
When they exit the booth, the men act effemininely and wear futuristic mini-skirt outfits. As Sock enters the booth, he seeks help from his loyal canine companion, Cleo, but she refuses to help him because Cleo is female and more loyal to the distaff side of civilization rather than her owner.
That is all I remember, but it left an indelible impression on my impressionable mind back then, just another added twist in my gender identity that began when my mother put me in a dress for my christening at age one month.
If anyone has any other details concerning this episode of The People's Choice, I would love to hear them. Or better, if anyone has a video recording of that episode, I'd love to borrow it. (I searched high and low and no recordings exist for sale or viewing anywhere I looked.)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I attended kindergarten during the 1956-57 school year. Back then, men were men, women were women, boys were boys, and girls were girls. I was unaware of anybody in between. They were not part of my world.
In kindergarten, there was a weekly play time that lasted for a half hour or so. You had no choice on how to use your play time. Instead, the teacher assigned you to a specific play station. As a result, you would play at a different play station with a different mix of fellow kindergarteners each play time. One time, you might be at the sandbox, another time, at the building blocks, etc.
The boys and girls were segregated at play time, so my fellow play station mates were always boys.
The play station assignments did not vary much. The same kids were at the same play stations each week. I was usually at the building block station, but occasionally I received a different assignment and one time that assignment was the dreaded house play station. Yes, I had to play house with four or five of my fellow male students!
I dreaded this assignment because in my humble opinion, playing house was a girl's game and I was not a girl. I was very surprised how my fellow male students did not mind playing house and had no problem wearing very feminine pinafore aprons and playing the Mommy role.
I don't recall how I got through it. If I had a choice, I imagine I played the Daddy role. If I had no choice and had to play a female role, maybe I played the dyke sister of one of the Mommies.
I wonder what those "male Mommies" are doing today? No matter what they are doing, I bet they would be surprised how this reluctant male Mommy turned out!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Read all about it here.
Read a discussion about this thought-provoking question here.
The mystery ended when she won the first award presented on the show; she was Alicia Keys. (I scoured the Internet looking for a photo of Ms. Keys in her to-die-for gown, but the best I could find is this one.)
There were other interesting outfits worn by the distaff side of the entertainment last night.
Carrie Underwood looked hot and Rihanna always shows up wearing something interesting, but there were some trashy outfits, too, outfits that this femulator would not be caught dead in (but then again, I guess I wouldn't know what I was wearing unless there really is an afterlife).
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Transfixed is a recent foreign film featuring male-to-female crossdressers (femulators). I rented the film and was very impressed with the high quality of femulation. The crossdressers are absolutely gorgeous and the film is worth watching just to gawk at the high art of femulation achieved in this film.
Here is the plot of the film according to Blockbuster:
"A cross-dressing man allows himself to be used as bait to trap a killer in this crime-drama. Bo Ancelin (Robinson Stevenin) is a twentysomething man from Brussels who feels most comfortable dressing and living as a woman. Some might see Bo's lifestyle as a marked contrast to that of his father, a successful and well-regarded businessman, though it seems father has some secrets of his own after no-nonsense police detective, Paul Huysmans (Richard Bohringer), arrests him on charges of child molestation.
"While Bo bears his own scars from his upbringing, he's not eager to speak against his father in court, but before long both Bo and Huysmans have bigger fish to fry -- a serial killer is walking the streets of Brussels and choosing as his favored victims prostitutes and cross-dressers.
"When two of his friends are murdered by the killer, Bo decides he must step in to help catch the killer that Huysmans hasn't yet found on his own, though Bo soon falls into a dangerous position when he falls in love with Johnny (Stephane Metzger), a sullen and street-smart hustler who helps rent-boys find profitable assignations with older women."
The photo above is actor Robinson Stevenin in Bo Ancelin drag. Early in the film, he wears a Chanel suit to die for!
I think you will enjoy the film, but be forewarned that you will have to deal with sub-titles to view the film "in English."
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Suzy Parker was the first supermodel and made such a splash in the 1950s that she signed a movie contract. Her film and television resume includes a wide range of roles.
I first saw the gorgeous Suzy on an episode of the original Twilight Zone. The episode was called "Number 12 Looks Just Like You" and takes place in a future society, where Suzy's character chooses not to undergo a transformation, which happens to everybody at the age of nineteen and makes them beautiful and immune to disease. To undergo it, a person must choose from a limited collection of models, labeled by a number, to transform into. (In my opinion, Suzy was more beautiful than any of the models she had to choose from, so I don't blame her for balking.)
I became a fan of Suzy Parker. I actually have an autographed copy of her photo that appears above. Over the years, I have made an effort to view as many of her acting appearances as possible. She was an average actress, but she was tall (5' 10"), leggy, and beautiful, just like I wanted to be, and I relished every moment she appeared on the screen.
She married film actor Bradford Dillman, stopped modeling and acting, and died at the age of 70 in 2003.
The Beatles recorded a song named after her, which they performed in the film Let It Be.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
I was surprised how many people voted! The last poll I ran here had less than half (50) the voters of this poll.
I should not be surprised that the blonde won. In my previous poll, my hair color poll, blondes came out ahead (46% voted for blonde, strawberry blonde, and platinum blonde, while 34% voted for brunette and 20% for red).
I have no plans on getting rid of the brunette wig and plan to wear it when I am in the mood. But, I am now considering getting the long brunette styled wig in a blonde shade!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I am very amazed by the growth of this blog's popularity during its first year (see the chart below).
These days, the blog averages 467 hits a day, which includes an average of 73 repeat visitors each day. Thank you for your support and for coming back!
Monday, February 4, 2008
View the slideshow and note the hair styles on most of the models. They remind me of the styling of my long brunette wig!
We are about half way through with about 3-1/4 days to go, so if you haven't voted yet, there is still time to indicate if you like me in the short blonde wig or the long brunette wig.
In the meantime, you can read what Laura wrote about the poll:
"I voted for the brown wig. Then saw the poll that said more people chose the blonde and was asked if I wanted to change my vote. It's my opinion that the two are both very nice, but more important and to the issue is the fact that you look passable in either -- not swishy-fem in a sissy sort of way, but in a respectable classic beauty way. I think you'd look good in a babushka.
"The two looks are two very different looks. While the blond wig makes you look more like the women of your age, many women do prefer longer, prettier hair. (Frankly, I've never met a man who preferred short hair on a women he liked.)
"I like the brown, longer hair look because it gives you a more elegant look -- much more of a Diane von Furstenberg elegance. It's my opinion that if you want to blend into the background and be less noticed, wear the blonde wig. However, I think you'll feel more like a women with longer hair. As Diane said, 'Want to fell like a women? Wear a dress.' I think it is so with the hair too. 'want to feel like a women, wear longer, prettier hair.'"
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
I received an e-mail from a femulator, who is having problems with her makeup regime. She has bought books on the subject and visited Web sites to hone her makeup skills, but she complains that the "experts" are often in disagreement about how to apply makeup. She asked me for help.
I made two suggestions.
If the experts disagree, try doing it each way that they recommend. Then see what works best for you and incorporate that into your makeup routine. (I have been at it seriously for over 20 years and I still experiment with my routine. If I find something new that may work for me, I try it. If it works, great; if not, I chalk it up to experience.)
Get made over.
You can read books, visit Web sites, and watch videos on makeup application, but nothing beats getting a makeover. When you get a makeover, the cosmetician will do her magic on you (and not some model in a book or video), so whatever she does will be specific to you. And you can ask questions to your heart's content.
Getting a makeover may be easier said, than done. I live in a very open-minded part of the USA and I have never been turned down when I sought a makeover, whether it was in a small local salon or a big franchise store in the mall.
Your mileage may vary depending on where you live. If you live in the country, head for the city, specifically a mall near a city. In my experience, M•A•C and Sephora are franchise makeup stores located in many malls that will makeover femulators without hesitation. (For what it's worth, my best makeover experience was at Sephora in the West Farms Mall in West Hartford, CT.)